I'm Alive *sadly*

The dumbass is back

Hi, I have a 4.4.4 android so in the middle of 2019 tumblr got an update and i couldn't use the app anymore.

I came back in the quarantine just to see chinese learning things¿¿ I don't know.

I got the app because in my searching of an old version of netflix (i can't use new netflix updates too) i thought that I could use tumblr in an old version too so i'm back for now.

School

I hate school shjshdjdh.

I'm in holy week vacation right now, so i'm not having homework to do. But it was difficult to not stress out with a lot of work to do.

It's like- in the time we were going to school we used to learn something in about 3 days in classes like Social studies, spanish (i'm not supposed to call it like that, but because it is our first language we call it "communication and language"¿¿), etc. And they were sending work to do for THE NEXT DAY. I barely remember what I saw the last week. I do remember math, english and science because two were sending explanations for the homework and science,,, just awful, really, really long if we have in mind that it was for the next day.

Before we got in quarantine, they gave us our grades, and I got 69 in science lol (i'm gonna talk about that in another blog) my grades were pretty meh, english was the higher note, and I got an "i" (for insufficient) in attitude, because I had a mental breakdown in front of the principal. She said it was a "trantum", I couldn't breath, for real, I was choking because I was hiperventilating AND SHE WAS JUST YELLING. My mum came to pick me up but I didn't left the school, and everybody thinks it was my fault.

I'm anxious 'cause if quarantine lasts to a longer time, I'll not be able to know what to do about getting in another school I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SCHOOL TO GO, i'm going to hang myself.

Sweetheart

I got a "girlfriend" and she's so sweet:(. We're not officially dating, but i've been waiting two years and she finally admitted that she likes me.

She's so sweet, she listens to me when i'm sad, and she wasn't angry when I was answering late her messages because of school. SHE EVEN ASKS ME TO TRY GO TO SLEEP, 'cause I can't sleep.

I love her so much, I can't even express it. But i'm so insecure, I don't want to make her feel insecure because of MY insecurities:(.

I can't sleep and that's why i'm in tumblr again.

It's currently 4:31am when i'm writing this, i can't sleep AGAIN. School fucked up my sleeping schedule (going to sleep at 9pm when I was going to school). This days i've been falling asleep between 1-3am. I don't know what happened this day but i'll be awake at least at 2pm.

Ah shit here we go again??

I spent 6 months eating like a pig and i'm thinking of purging AGAIN and I fucking hate it. I don't like it, but I feel so bad with my fucking fat body I don't know what to do i'm like-

And that's my update for now (day 25 of quarantine: april 8)

FUCK 10 FOR 5am I'M FUCKED

I'm-

uwu

tryna find new ed friends/followers- repost if…

you are 14+

you have an ed of any kind

you vape/smoke

you need to get back on track

you enjoy music (perhaps specifically rap, alternative punk, glam rock, etc)

you need a little help staying on track

you need a motivating friend

your cw is less than 160

willing to text outside of tumblr*

even better, if you are atleast three of these, pleeeeeease message me. i’d love to find new people and im typically really good at responding fast and helping others, especially if it’s out of tumblr*.

autistic self diagnosis is valid

¿Me quieres qué?

Admitting you were abused is hard for whole multitude of reasons, but one that hit me most was the fact that I had to admit to myself that abusers have managed to really, really hurt me. Really badly. That all their efforts to get to me, to make me doubt myself, to make me hate myself, were successful, no matter how much I fought, and pretended not to be hit by it all. I didn’t manage to defend myself. I didn’t beat them. I got hurt. I couldn’t get out of there. I couldn’t get away from them. I continued to get hurt. For a long long time. I was at their mercy. They could have done anything to me. They did anything to me. Nobody stopped them. Nobody fought for me. Despite all my efforts to keep myself sane, to keep myself okay, I am filled with wounds and trauma and damage too vast to even asses. They got what they wanted. And I lost big parts of myself to it. I’ve been lying to myself when I tried to be okay. I wasn’t okay. I needed help. I wasn’t unbeatable. I wasn’t quite that strong. Humans aren’t made to be that strong. Humans aren’t made to survive in environment where they’re tortured and abandoned completely. I wasn’t made to withstand that either. I got broken. I lived in an illusion that this was okay. It wasn’t. I was scared. I was alone. I thought it was my fault. I could have died. It’s a miracle I’m still around.

i need to follow more ppl so pls reblog this if ur any of these:

- 160-168 cm tall

- sw was 60+ kg

- ur ugw is 50 kg or under

- you’re under 18

- you’re living with parents/roommates

it honestly doesn’t rly matter lol pls just reblog this if ur active

Me: I've done this before, of course I can exist without eating chametz !!

Me the second day of pesach, craving a cookie:

as promised.. its me! im a hate anon!! you suck!!!

Best hate anon ever, that ed girl could never, she aspires to be like you

I feel numb, i can only feel the way my rib cage moves when i breath. I don't know, i dont feel like doing anything at all

Big birb hug