What's Your Tes Birth Sign?

what's your tes birth sign?

(original post by u/TheWitherBoss76)

here is my definitive guide to fucking a daedric prince

first things first: they are not corporeal by default, they just can look humanoid if they feel like it. i understand the impulse to go jaunting off into the Evergloam like "ooOOO tiddies" but you are guaranteed nothing of the sort.

secondly: physically touching a god is not good for your health. average scenario is you wind up like your permafried weedman from college. which frankly, like... whatever. acceptable imo. If you have been kinder to your brain cells than I, you may want to think twice.

third, the daedra have pioneered heretofore undiscovered methods of fucking. you might be in for a nice human-style night of things going in/near holes, or you might be up for some incomprehensible Lilliths Brood shit. it's a coin toss and you don't get to decide where it lands but that's what you signed up for.

lastly, you gotta consider the spheres.

boethiah, malacath, mehrunes dagon, hircine, meridia: rough raw nasty sloppy sweaty woah sorry i blacked out there for a second. Probably fatal but what a way to go out

sheogorath, clavicus vile, peryite, namira: highly baroque kink. it's gonna be a whole production. bear in mind that they have eternity for elaborate foreplay while you do not. You're gonna have to top from the bottom if you want to get off before you're a hundred years old. good luck with that.

azura, mephala, nocturnal: ideal if your sexuality is abstract and esoteric. you will nut harder than you ever have nutted in your life, yet have no idea how it happened

vaermina, hermaeus mora, sanguine: you might not like what you find out about yourself. too bad! it's your whole thing now and nothing else will do

jyggalag: 90 seconds of missionary PIV, which is adequate for the purposes of reproduction

*bangs gavel* i hereby declare my post complete, my logic faultless, and my person objectively correct. I will hear no further arguments

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