LOOK AT THAT THING! IT ABSORBS FOREIGN CRAP AND JUST DISSOLVES IT!! THIS BAD BOY RIGHT HERE IS WHAT MAKES

Self care is drinking pickle juice in a wine glass and feeling elegant as you watch YouTube instead of doing homework

Scientist: I made Kool-aid with my lab equipment.

Me: Pssh, that's easy. You just use the powder-

Scientist: it's homemade

Me: *sweats*

Concept: a generic nightclub, except every hour (can be more often), one of those songs from a middle school dance starts playing. Cupid's Shuffle, Macarena, you know it.

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you know those stories where the swan takes off it’s feathered cloak and turns into a sexy lady that some creepy farm dude marries? that but instead of a swan it’s the goose from untitled goose game and instead of being a sexy spouse it’s just doing the same things it always does it just has hands to more effectively grab things and longer legs to run with and instead of trying to keep the feathered cloak from it everyone is desperately trying to get it to put it back on

“It’s Been An Adventure, Mr. Fredricksen.”

“Adventure Is Out There!”

Someone asked me to post these two companion pieces together so it was easier to reblog them.

I'm not sure if I have ADHD but this post took my by the hair and threw me into the void

7 most adhd moods

–the Only Mood everyone else knows about: i  wanna do THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and–SQUIRREL

–galaxy brain: i was listening to the lecture but the prof said something that reminded me of something else and now i’m not sure how much time i was lost in thought

–the tutorial only comes in video format: i’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove *hurls product & its tutorial video into the sun*

–damn you hyperfocus: i went to bed intending to wake up and write but this morning i was possessed by a cleanliness spirit and spent the next 14 hours organizing the apartment

–i dont think u tried at all.jpg: did i seriously spend an entire free day refreshing twitter b/c i didn’t want to spend 10 minutes finishing my hw but wouldn’t let myself do anything else until i finished it???? (yes)

–patrick star: *unlocks phone* time to check the weather. *opens twitter* the weather. *opens messenger* the weather. *opens mobage game* the weather. *opens facebook* the weather. *opens twitter again* THE WEA–

–smells like depression: literally everything is too boring. i’m going back to sleep

Did anyone else experience this? Tell me if I'm not alone

Okay so when I was 7-8, I saved up enough money to buy a custom American girl named Tia. Mostly bc my mom wanted to sew doll clothes, and so did I. Also because I was still in a cutesy, girly phase.

Not too long after, we start getting random letters in the mail from someone. She said her name was Jett, and she was Tia's older sister. She hadn't been bought yet, and she was touring the US as like, a traveling store or something.

It was so weird. It was like Toys logic, except some people were allowed to see them? Most of the letters I got were actually kind of horrific now that I'm reading some. In this one a guy named Bruce holds Jett over an alligator, so they sneak out and just wreck his boat. In another one one of the dolls wanders out into the night (I think that was Yellowstone) and doesn't ever come back.

But like, she bought legitimate things too? The t-rex tooth was from La Brea tar pits. There was probably more, but I haven't found them yet.

It stopped after a bit, so I guess she was bought. But was this normal? Was that a random guy from the factory who stumbled on our address, or did I have a random sugar sister? Was it actually the dolls?!?

Don't talk to me or my son ever again.

i can no longer take any description of a male protagonist seriously if the writer describes him as ‘brooding’

because i used to think ‘oh, that’s sexy and mysterious, etc’

and now i think of this

once you’ve been loudly cussed out by 2.5 lbs of feathers, that word only ever means one thing