Hello-i-am-insane - Slightly Dying

I think this crab is threatening me

@dependingonyoursenseofhumor you. Me. The gang. After social distancing we gotta do this.

Watching twilight on a poorly hung projector. (x)

yall, i realized something revolutionary with Ford’s hands (just innocent handholding :] )

the normal human hand has only 4 interdigital spaces from in between the fingers, which means that Ford has 5 spaces if that makes sense.

so when you hold hands with Ford, that extra finger is going to allow his hand to cover your hand on both sides completely engulfing your hand within his!

of course Ford never saw it that way and would always keep the extra finger out thanks to his past insecurity, but you would always wiggle your fingers with a smile and say that the two of you are like a perfect puzzle piece matched together!

the small joke but cute observation of your hands perfectly fitting would make all of his worries wash away and you watch his shoulders relax below his jawline. he will totally get obsessed with this inside joke every time you held hands, in fact ever since then he looks forward to locking your hands within his!

he is such a sweet man with many odd insecurities, but he will see you as the light of his life when you come around. Btw he totally holds your hand in public proud like never before!

hozier singing about bones, dead bodies, preys, predators, decomposing, satanic sacrifice, anal sex:

me and the girls:

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

🧚🏽‍♀️🌿cakes i saw on facebook today. 🍄 wish i knew who made them! 🪵✨

DO NOT SHOP AT TARGET OR ORDER FROM THEM ONLINE ON MAY 1st THERE IS A STRIKE

Sea otters and giant river otters are like if someone got two artists to design a giant otter, but ended up with two very different ideas on what they should look like cause one draws hello kitty fanart and the other was a nihilist.