If You Put A Donut Hole Into The Donut Hole, You Make The Donut Whole.

Can I have a cursed giant creature fact?

sure! at lengths of over 55 feet and weights of 600 pounds, our friend the Oarfish surely qualifies :)

we don’t know a whole lot about the world’s longest bony fish, aside from that it rarely comes to the surface and inspired most of the Sea Serpent legends floating around. they’re fairly rare and live only in the Abyssopelagic Zone, around 3,300 feet down. but this is old news to everyone who’s seen the info posts about these guys going around, so what’s so cursed about this? well, I’ll tell you! 

have you ever wondered what the Oarfish gets up to, way down there? we didn’t realize this until we started sending ROVs and submarines into the deep sea to observe live ones, but Oarfish are... a little nontraditional as fish go. 

see, they don’t normally swim horizontally all majestic-like like in the pictures up there, it turns out that instead they spend their time just kind of... hanging vertically in the water column. 

motionless, staring at the surface with all 50+ feet of them vanishing into the darkness below.

and I don’t know about you but frankly, I find that a little creepy. 

Please unmute this

Credit: @buddythefourth

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

Not to start any political discourse but I’m REALLY gay 🌿🍄

#LateStageCapitalism

it may have been done many times at this point but I'll always be a sucker for the 'monster that mimics the sound of a human calling out/screaming for help' trope it still hits