All Is Right With The World

I'm a very calm person and there's not much a reasonable person could say to offend or even shake me, which is something I like about myself

but I feel like because of my sunny disposition I've been robbed of the opportunity to run out of a room crying dramatically about something someone said

If Superman's laser eyes come out of each of his pupils separately then would he have to cross his eyes to hit a specific spot because it's always both eyes it comes out of and never just one

Something massively underused is that Clark Kent is clumsy. And no, it's not an act, it's because of his superstrength and he really is clumsy. I think in the modern age of superheroes, it's been mostly abandoned. Therefore, I will be writing a story where he is even clumsier than Christopher Reeves' Superman to compensate. In fact, any story involving Superman will have this Clark Kent.

"Hey Clark! Catch!"

Just as always, the stapler Lois had thrown was not caught. Clark Kent had almost gotten it a few times, dropped it, and then tripped over his own feet. He got up and turned to Lois.

"Can't you just hand it to me?" He said. Jimmy was making no attempt to hide his giggling in the background as Clark got to his feet.

"I have to make sure you're still our old Klutz Kent, don't I? What better way?"

"Aw Lois, of course I am. Wait! Oh no! That article!"

He slipped but didn't quite fall on his way back to his desk and slid triumphantly into his chair. Everything at the Daily Planet was soon finished. Clark, Lois, and Jimmy were on their ways home when another one of those weirdos showed up from space. Jimmy and Lois remembered fondly earth's first alien invasion and how they had actually been concerned.

Meanwhile, Clark had other problems. He'd slipped into an inconspicuous Alley to change, in which there had been a small child. He held a finger to his lips and launched into the sky. It was a quick fight, and he was home only a few minutes after he was supposed to be. It was also helpful that he had needed to stop for groceries and therefore had an alibi. The 3 bags did a bit of tumbling, but the eggs remained intact.

As he finally tripped on his way into his apartment, he saw that Jimmy and Lois, instead of being at their own houses, were standing waiting for him, with notepad and camera.

"We finally have a lead" said Jimmy. "Y'know, on the Lexcorp corruption case?" Clark smiled. Maybe Luthor would finally be outed as not only a supervillain, but also- gasp- a crooked businessman.

To be continued

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either

Young man who wants nothing more than to stay in his podunk town but keeps getting dragged away

I love it when villains hugely underestimate the kid hero during their first battle and get destroyed

It's been raining off n' on round here all week. The lake is swallowing the beach and the calm, usually peaceful river is now class 5 rapids and impossible to hear yourself over. My grandpa's garden is prob gonna flood. The road is washed out and pavement is missing. Sand piled up so bad people can't leave their driveways. Flash flood warning. We're expecting another inch today. And here we are being sarcastic about it. New England, folks

Someday your hands will be old and wrinkled, the skin spotted and bunching over your knuckles. And a child will watch you make something. It's a simple task, you'll have done it a thousand times before. But to that child, the smooth, confident way your hands move will seem like impossible magic. You have to keep living.