I Started Using Head And Shoulders Ten Years Ago For Itchy Scalp And Dandruff, And Then For Ten Years

Dipper and Mabel vs the Past au (title is a reference to an actual episode in the show) - Timestuck style au where instead of ending up in the time period where the Oregon Trail was being used in The Time Traveler's Pig,Dipper and Mabel end up 30 years into the past and end up uncovering secrets about their Grunkle Stan like WAYYYY earlier than they're supposed to (time travelers pig is s1,not what he seems is s2. they discover things Very Early in the timeline here). Mabel ends up with Ford,Dipper ends up with Stan. Now i know the usual portrayal of this au is "the kids being with their favorite grunkles" but i wanted to do something different cuz i LOVE exploring the dynamics of Dipper with Stan and Mabel with Ford sooo bad. I'm thinking this is set like... Paranoia Ford era aka the events culminating to Stan receiving the postcard,so basically Ford has literally just lost his best friend and also almost had his fucking tendons snapped and now he has to deal with a child who is apparently his great niece in the future while simultaneously protecting the child from Bill,Ford has a lot on his plate lmaooo.

Meanwhile Mullet Stan is down on his luck as he lives in his shitty rundown apartment while trying to avoid Rico due to owing him money that he currently doesn't have,he's miserable as ever and then a child with a hat as well as a striking resemblance to his brother suddenly appears in his car when he was out shoplifting groceries,having to take care of it when he can barely take care of himself. Angst and hurt/comfort + a few wholesome moments ensue. Ford finds himself getting attached to his young niece even when he's incredibly highstrung and feels that he can't trust anyone right now,seeing that such a bright and caring soul is worth trusting. Mabel eventually finds out about Bill after the bastard possesses Ford while she was trying to give him a better sleep schedule,and the girl makes it her mission to protect her other grunkle (like i said. they figure things out way early here) from that bastard after realizing that this pointy jerk wants to hurt him as evident from the fork stabbing and Ford's journal pages regarding him being tormented by Bill (bro the funniest thing is that Bill doesn't even appear yet in this current part of the timeline lmaoo. like dreamscapers happens WAYYY AFTER the time traveler's pig. so Mabel basically just saw a triangle dude that she knows nothing about and has never met and decided that she needs to fight for her life to protect Ford from him despite ALSO not knowing anything about her other grunkle either). Mabel helps Ford slowly get himself back together as Bill is biding his time to eventually get the portal started again one way or another,meaning that Bill is too busy planning things out to torment Ford,thus Mabel chooses self care for her Grunkle Ford and makes it his problem, trying to force Ford to get out of the house for groceries or at least give him a few minutes to touch grass rather than being cooped up in his dumb dork lab all day making him shower giving him a better sleep schedule and even making cupcakes for him so he can eat things besides moldy cheese or strange tasting alien cow milk (reference to that one real life journal 3 page with the weird cow). Ford is actually very shocked and touched by this gesture,because he has been spending weeks all by himself while being actively tortured without anyone by his side but now this girl suddenly makes his life a little brighter and he thanks her for that,despite him being strict snappy and moody most of the time due to being stressed from Bill and the portal (i can't really blame him for feeling that way. i too would feel my sanity slipping as the looming threat of the apocalypse going to be eventually caused by my former muse is getting nearer and nearer while said muse is also torturing me 24/7 all while juggling self care and research and taking care of a whole child to top it all off),bro is close to tears when he realizes that he's not alone after all and that he doesn't HAVE to be alone,and that he actually needs someone rather than not needing people like what he said,i.e "I don't need you. I don't need anyone!" and Mabel is right there to help him. Mabel ends up wearing 80s clothes as well as stops using her phone in public in order to not draw suspicion after Ford pointed out that people would get pretty confused by her glowing shoes and "advanced flip phone",meanwhile Ford tries to figure out how to find the time tape that the girl speaks of as he starts to study time travel and relearn the laws of time in order to help Mabel as he plans on possibly building a makeshift time machine to replace the tape in the case that they never find it.

So far Mabel is doing pretty well despite having to deal with her snappy Grunkle Ford and the fact that her Grunkle Stan was lying about her and Dipper being the only family he has left as well as the fact that she actively has to ignore every trick that Bill pulls on her including possession by using unicorn hair that is now a hair extension on her own hair (early discovery) while also trying to not die/get grievously injured at the hands of Bill or Bill possessed Ford and ALSO greatly missing her brother who is nowhere to be found as she can't find a way home to her time as she begins to experience literally disappearing very slowly as a result of a time paradox of her being in a time before she was even born,what fun! :D.

Dipper however,has worse problems to deal with than a demon triangle and a snappy Grunkle. He has to deal with being homeless and being even MORE anxious/guarded than he already was due to the fact that his Grunkle Stan's enemies could jump him any moment. He has to be Stan's accomplice in committing crimes like shoplifting or pickpocketing people for food and money. The fact that Stan is a criminal and that he has to commit crimes with the risk of getting caught or worse,killed by his Grunkle's old "friends" puts a lot of weight on the poor boy,and he was anxious as is with him generally being highstrung and now he has EVERY reason to be afraid due to him being a runaway criminal with Stan. Although having to live a hard life and commit difficult crimes even when it's wrong ended up toughening Dipper up,showing that dealing with the hard and fast life boosted his confidence tenfold. Dipper actually feels bad for his Grunkle Stan,even when the guy kept making fun of him back then (i.e Dipper vs manliness and the bottomless pit stories),as he had NO IDEA that his Grunkle lived like this before. So he makes sure to be as helpful and as less of a burden as possible,just to make his Grunkle Stan happy. Heck,he even becomes protective of his Grunkle despite his weak nerd arms and he has gotten injured for the grifter's sake multiple times such as the time he got a lot of scrapes and bruises from trying to rescue Stan from falling in a ditch as he ended up falling himself instead. Stan is glad to have a little buddy around him,especially when the kid is his future nephew and thus family,since he's been suffering all by himself for so long and he really appreciates the company. He really wishes that he could help Dipper regarding the whole time tape situation,but only Ford could know what to do as he's too dumb to understand time travel (Stan ur inferiority complex is showing). So he figures that the only way he could help is to just watch out for a weird looking tape measure with an hour glass symbol on it and steal it immediately from whoever has it (the time tape has actually ended up with Blendin after he used a spare time tape to look for the other one that the kids have [he needs to return those. he'll get in trouble for losing a single one],and he's been looking for the children for a while so that he could bring them back to their own time as their very presence in the 80s is a time anomaly and thus he wants to fix it before he gets in trouble with the time police).

Dipper ALSO forces Stan to take care of himself,although to a lesser extent than Mabel with Ford. He doesn't do any heavy duty self care work,but he more so reminds Stan to consider himself too whenever they have food or beds to share instead of just letting him have everything and sacrificing the little stability he already has for the kid. Dipper also tries to give them a better lifestyle at some point by convincing Stan to rent a house and also steal wads of cash from an ATM just to give him a taste of a normal life again since he feels bad for his Grunkle having to sleep in his car or a shitty apartment all the time,Stan literally cries from this gesture as he's so happy to have someone besides Ford finally care about him after 10 years of being alone. He discovers that he doesn't have to be alone and push people away despite wanting someone to care so bad,as Dipper is there to help him.

The two happily live in the rented house for a few weeks until they the landlord kicked them out for not paying rent and then they had to make a run for it. Sometimes,being with Dipper physically pains Stan because of how much he reminds him of Ford. He has the same bright curiosity and thirst for knowledge that his brother had,the same innocence and happiness that Ford had before everything happened. Stan missing Ford is so evident to the point of him occasionally calling the kid "Poindexter" because of how much the boy reminds him of his twin. Dipper finds out about Ford sooner or later because of this,plus he ends up discovering the old picture of Stan and Ford in front of the Stan o' War in his Grunkle's jacket.

He gets angry at the future old Stan for never telling him about his brother and that he had another Grunkle,but he soon realizes why after young Stan explains the whole ordeal he has with Ford regarding the science fair incident. Stan himself points that out too. "What the- You- You had a brother this whole time?!. How come your future self never told me about this?!. What other things is he hiding?. Ugh." "Well,kid. If i know myself,i wouldn't go around telling everyone about the drama i have with my brother y'know?. Especially when it still hurts *sniff*." "What?. What do you mean 'drama'?. Actually,is that the reason why you're living like this and you don't ask him for help?." "Uhh.. You see,my brother is a stubborn jerk. So stubborn that he decided to go to college instead of staying with me. And he let Dad kick me out because of what?. Breaking his dumb perpetual motion machine project?." Stan says in frustration as the resentment is oozing with his every word,as he still doesn't forgive Ford for what he did even with how much he misses him. "Oh.. That's awful. I don't really know the full scope of what happened between you two,but i can say that it's that bad considering that you ended up living on the streets soon after." "Ya think?. As far as i'm concerned,that nerd is living it up in a normal house with his dumb college money instead of sleeping out in a car all the damn time." "And kid,there's a reason why the older me didn't tell you anything. Whatever happens to us in the future,that bastard STILL didn't talk to me about our problems. As him- er me not talking about it means that the resentment is still simmering inside." "Ah,figures. I guess you really are Grunkle Stan instead of some random dumb hobo with how wise you are." "Can it Dippy. I wasn't the one crying over losing a hat yesterday." "Hey!. I- It's my signature accessory,i can't go without it" "Yeah yeah whatever". Also,Dipper and Mabel greatly miss the other. The kids' determination to get back to their twin no matter what cost reminds their respective Stans that they used to be like that too back then,always prioritizing their twin over everything else.

Mabel always makes little doodles of her and Dipper's adventures together in her new 80s scrapbook which Ford catches her doing,meanwhile Dipper rambles about how fun and supportive Mabel is to Stan whenever they have a break from being on the run. Stan feels conflicted over letting the boy constantly talk about how great his sister is when his own sibling is a good for nothing bastard but it also makes him think that maybe he and Ford can be like that again sometime whenever he finally gets the courage to call him or send a postcard to him,Ford on the other hand ignores Mabel's Dipper doodles and occasional rambles about her brother while making an excuse about him being "too busy" to hear about it despite the real reason being that he's too angry at Stan to keep being reminded of the fact that they used to be as close as his future niece and nephew. Both younger twins realize that they NEED to get their Grunkles to talk to each other since it's painful to see a set of siblings like them hate each other so much,especially when they're family, although Mabel is more insistent about it than Dipper due to the fact that Stan has bigger fish to fry than making up with his brother plus the girl is more optimistic than her brother who thinks that Stan and Ford's relationship is broken beyond repair and that there's no hope for them. But getting their Grunkles talk to each other is a job for another time,as they still have to find each other and also find the time tape as well as blend into the 80s until they get back.

(i made this au forever ago. but i forgot to finish it until like November or show it to anyone until now 💀)

POV: the whole justice league is revealing their secret identities to each other and it's Shazam's turn, and he's been hiding that he's a kid.

S = Shazam

Green Lantern: Ok your turn Shazam, who are you?

S: Umm before I take off my costume, there's something you should know. If you're Shazam, then when you're Shazam you're the same age, no matter what. Whatever age you usually are. And- um. So- oh, I'll just show you. Shazam!

Wonder Woman: You are a child!

S: Debatable.

Superman: How old are you?

S: Shazam! Now I'm like 24.

Green Lantern: Doesn't even know how old he is as Shazam...

S: Shazam!

Flash, walking in: Wait are we revealing identities? Why was I not invited? Who's the kid?

He just keeps leaning farther and farther

me while writing: ah yes, this character should do this, it feels so natural with what they're saying

me while editing: why the FUCK does he lean on the doorway SEVENTEEN TIMES IN THIS CHAPTER

On November 7, 2024, Denmark used a racist, culturally biased "parenting competency" test to remove a 2 hour old baby, Zammi, from her loving indigenous Greenlandic Inuit mother, Keira, because her native language, which uses minute facial expressions to communicate, will not be able to "[prepare] the child for the social expectations and codes that are necessary to navigate in Danish society." This test had been recommended not to be used at the federal level before this happened but certain municipalities, including the one this happened in, chose to continue to use it regardless. Not only is this blatantly racist but also violates multiple declarations and conventions that Denmark has signed that protect the rights of indigenous people.

Please sign this petition to help Keira to get her baby back.

Change.org

Bring a little girl inuk greenlander ZAMMI BACK HOME

Can you spare a minute to help this campaign?

Are you using mobile data?

Wait ISS person are your for real or are you joking

Same for antarctica

I hate when I say things like "oh I want an ipod classic but with bluetooth so I can use wireless headphones" and some peanut comes in and replies with "so a smartphone with spotify?" No. I want a 160GB+ rectangular monstrosity where I can download every version of every song I want to it and it does nothing except play music and I don't need a data connection and don't have to pay a subscription to not have ads and don't have popups suggesting terrible AI playlists all over the menus.

Gimme the clicky wheel and song titles like "My Chemical Romance- The Black Parade- Blood (Bonus Track)- secret track- album rip- high quality"

Still feels weird that the same band made "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" and "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"