"A Long Time Ago, I Had Two Parents. I Was An Only Child. Then They Died. I Was In A House With Two Strangers.

To The Person In The Newspaper - Jordan Bolton

"why do I feel so terrible?"

-person who forgot to take their not-feeling-terrible medication

dash is dead im teleporting to the past

https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard?max_post_id=606474489540042752

Guide to the New Hampshire accent

Talk with the back of your mouth

Squish words together

Drop the letter t from your alphabet. Replace it with ch or d or just skip it.

Make s sound like a hard sh

In those weird al- words, drop the L. Aright, amost, oways

Sometimes vowels turn into each other for no reason

Sometimes you put t where it shouldn't be, it's just never where it should be. Tetnichally. Atcent.

Never say thanks or thankyou properly. It could be a slight difference, like thinks, or insane, like "Shinkatoo." I'm starting to wonder if there's a statewide competition to see who can say it the weirdest.

All is right with the world

People are forgetting to get gifts. I keep forgetting it's Christmas. I dreamed that it snowed and all was right with the world. Where is my winter weather? Are my brand new snowboots for nothing at all? Do the sno-brums that are perpetually in my parents' cars and at every store mean nothing? Why can I see grass? Are the sleds waiting so patiently in the basement just meaningless hunks of plastic?

Where is MY December??? 😭

Still feels weird that the same band made "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" and "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"

I forgot to add multiple just put something else

I hate when I say things like "oh I want an ipod classic but with bluetooth so I can use wireless headphones" and some peanut comes in and replies with "so a smartphone with spotify?" No. I want a 160GB+ rectangular monstrosity where I can download every version of every song I want to it and it does nothing except play music and I don't need a data connection and don't have to pay a subscription to not have ads and don't have popups suggesting terrible AI playlists all over the menus.

Gimme the clicky wheel and song titles like "My Chemical Romance- The Black Parade- Blood (Bonus Track)- secret track- album rip- high quality"

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either