Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

seinfeld but it’s written in 2022 by autistic people on tumblr

jerry: so kramer was telling me that female snakes have two clitorises– george: clitori? jerry: no, it’s clitorises. but see, kramer was telling me about this, and i was thinking. elaine: thinking? jerry: thinking. how would it feel to have two clitorises and no hands? elaine: i’d kill myself. jerry: EXACTLY! george: but you don’t have a clitoris! elaine: stop that. ‘clit.’ just say ‘clit’. jerry: george? george: what? jerry: did i not tell you that i’m trans? elaine: did you not tell him that you’re trans? george: i don’t think you did! jerry: well! i’m trans! kramer, bursting into the apartment: THERE ARE SNAKES HAVING SEX IN MY TOILET JERRY

if i got jigsawed and woke up in some moldy room with a makeshift bear trap on my head or whatever i wouldn't even let it phase me. i'm not willing to be taught lessons i'm not paying attention to a puppet. i would close my eyes and visualize abstract forms in jewel tones until a machine tears me asunder. now we've both wasted our time and you won't be able to return anything in this room to ace hardware. what did YOU learn, old man

queuing is for PUSSIES