MY. HEART. GOD. SOBBING

Kagehina - My celestial being

I hope you enjoy this! First time writing on Tumblr! Welp I write requests too so don't be afraid to drop in one! I'd love to write! Also gonna post a prompt list in some time, you can choose the prompt and character. Thanks!

Kageyama has been fond of nature ever since he was a kid. For him, it was entrancing how the moon seemed to keep up with him when no one else would, how the sun is always peeking up the horizon, or how the stars twinkle and light up the darkest nights.

Out of all these, the stars held a place in his heart nothing could replace. Why? The reason being his very beloved soulmate, Hinata.

“Tell me, Boke” Kageyama said softly, staring at the azure sky and the tiny astral bodies glimmering “Do you think people turn into stars once they die?”

“Well for one, we literally decompose or turn into ashes” Hinata’s soft chuckle soon turned into a sad and thoughtful smile as he continued, “Kags, death is not as pretty and peaceful nor is it poetic like people portray it to be, it exists, and it’s pretty much the end? It’s like having to leave everything in a moment's notice. Because it is the end, it’s sad”

He tilts his head to stare into his favourite pair of blueberry eyes, “But you know what, It’s okay to look up at the starry sky and think of your loved ones who left this world. My mom used to say that the brightest star was my grandma looking down on me.”

A few moments of silence are shared while Kageyama ponders over Hinara’s words.

He finds comfort knowing that even if someone dies, you can always look up to the sky and find them there, looking down at you and always watching you no matter what. The very fact that death does not mean gone forever is warm and consoling.

“Hinata, we’ll always be under the same sky, right? Forever and ever?” Kageyama asks, sitting up slightly extending his pinky toward the older male, cracking a small smile when their fingers interlock.

“I promise!”

Promises are not meant to be commemorative or colossal. Just a few words that has you looking forward to something is enough to become a promise

**********************************

“Today was long…. Very long and tiring” Kageyama says stretching and walking to sit down next to Hinata in the cool grass, inhaling the scent of the pine trees surrounding the house, “But I’m glad you’re here with me”

“You know I’ll always be here with you no matter what” Hinata smiles, as he rests his head against a pine tree behind him.

The black-haired boy slightly grins as he stares at the twinkling night sky littered with stars. He reaches out his hands in an attempt to pinpoint the brightest one.

“What are you doing, Kags?” His lover asks curiously with a melancholic smile on his face.

“I… I am…. I am reaching out for you” Kageyama quietly whispers as tears he’d been holding back started flowing down his face, “Hinata, I want to be there with you, set to you, laugh and play volleyball, hold you and just…. Love you for eternity but … I will forget you one day…. Right?”

The older boy nods ever so slowly, a tranquil expression on his face as he began, “That is the beauty of life isn’t it? No matter what happens, no matter how low and hard you fall, life goes on and because life goes on, you eventually heal and move on as well. That’s just how it works”

“I… I don’t want to forget you… I don’t want to move on, there’s only one thing I want and that is you. I want you to come back.” Kageyama let’s out a soft and exasperated sigh, closing his fist around the brightest star he can see.

“Kags, it’s okay, You have to move and meet new and amazing people. You have to find a new perfect spiker for you. Someone capable and worthy of your perfect sets. You have to live on because you are alive. But hey, don’t worry, I’ll always be here looking over you and protecting you. For I am your brightest star aren’t I?”

For death does not mean gone. Despite you not being alive, you live on in people you’ve met in your lifetime, the words you’ve spoken and the countless memories you’ve created.

**********************************

Kageyama rushes into his house, throwing his jacket onto the couch upon entering with a gold medal dangling around his neck. He makes his way excitedly toward the balcony of the open plant sanctuary. His heart beats with thrill as he places his hands on the railings of the balcony. He tightens his grip as he stares at the night sky.

“Say… Hinata, are you proud of me?” He lifts her gold medal and places a gentle kiss on it, “We won the olympics today. Just like I had promised you, I’d become the best setter, and set perfectly for another…. And win...” He chuckles softly continuing, “Everyone went out to celebrate except for me, you’re still the first person I share my happiness and sadness with...”

“I am so very proud of you, Kags. So much so that no amount of words could describe it.” Hinata smiles back widely, a luminous glow surrounding him under the pale moonlight. “You’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been and I am eternally grateful to know you feel the same way”

“Hey… Why are you crying? Today is a happy day isn’t it? Your dream came true!” The older boy states quietly, heart aching at the sight.

“What if… What if I never move on Hinata? What if I’m stuck right here forever, searching for you? What if I can never forget you?”

“HEY! You don’t have to forget me! It’s okay to remember me and love me, and cherish all our moments together” Hinata smiles gently, “but you are already doing amazing… You get up each day and live, you’re moving on slowly but surely, Kageyama you may not realise it right now but every little step is a big step toward healing.”

And Hinata is right

Healing is not linear, it’s not sudden. You don’t wake up feeling okay one day, that’s not how it works. It’s rough and patchy and requires a lot of work. You fall down again and again, you do well on some days while the others are absolutely trashy. You want to give up but you don’t, you keep living because you are alive, because it is something you must do.

And you don’t even realise that these ordinary tasks of everyday life are a step towards growth and healing.

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting the people you loved, it doesn’t mean letting go of what is no longer in your sight and control, it means life goes on and you live on.

Kageyama has been fond of nature since he was a kid because nature is warm, like a blanket of love, on cold rainy days.

And what more does anyone desire from life except for being loved and protected?

THE END

subtle intimacy is so soft!! knowing someone’s routine and slowly becoming a part of it. memorising favourite teas and soups and drink orders. good morning and good night texts and messy paragraphs of love written half asleep. nicknames only you know. just!!! small things that say “look how dear you are to me.”

Magi the Labyrinth of Magic wallpapers pt.2

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ADHD is a disability. I know this. Nobody else around me does. When I say I can't do something, I don't need tips, I don't need encouragement, I need you to believe me. I need just one person to believe that I'm not lying when I say I am unable to do something because of my literal developmental disability. No more "just push through", no more "try harder", no more "I did it and you can too", because I am absolutely sure that in this moment I am unable to fucking do it! Please believe me for once. Please.

I don't see why not if I don't get good new sir pups you're done for ಠ_ಠ

You can get a new appendix.....

“And for a moment I thought that Niwa had come back to life, only to discover that it was just a trick of the eye.”

haven't i given enough . . .

TOPIC: The only thing that justified your relationship, in your head, was the fact that you had your vision. Now that you've lost it, what've you now?

EXTENSIONS: one. two.

RULE BRICK: cyno, tighnari, kaveh, zhongli, and scaramouche x gn! reader. fluff here angst there, sorry not sorry.

NOTES: hehehahaMWAHAHAHA! experimenting with kaveh for a fic i'm writing for him... keep your eyes open for that. (romeo & juliet theme maybe?? idk)

✦ cyno : "not even the gods themselves can protect the ones responsible from my wrath; i swear this on my existence."

Cyno would never forgive the ones that took his lover from him. He'd never forget the fear in your eyes when he returned home one night, not remembering who he was. He'd never forget how he left the house with you as his betrothed and returned with you thinking he was breaking in.

He spent days the same, but his nights became restless (as if he could sleep without you.) He spent this time tracking down your routine that day, praying to the gods he'd find your vision as he retraced your steps.

"Hey, Cyno...?" You knocked on his bedroom door.

In a heartbeat, the door opened. The tiredness that usually occupied his empty eyes, for once filled with hope.

"Oh, I was hoping if I could get some clothes from my closet."

He cleared his throat, rubbing his eyes, "I see. Yes, come in."

You noticed the distressed state of his desk, in comparison to the rest of his untouched room. You watched sadly as he sat back down, working on whatever filled the lonely nights. You understood it, as your nights were just as desolate; you didn't know why, but at the same time you did, like a a word on the tip of your tongue.

"I'm sorry, that I can't remember." The sound of you shuffling through your closet filled the silence, "I can't sleep either, you know? I was thinking, maybe sleeping together will fix it?"

You turn your head in concern at the sound of him falling out if his seat, his face red.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"No... not like that, what are you thinking?" You couldn't help but smile at his embarrassment. "Lay down, I'll join you after I change."

No matter how hard he tried to push you away, you pulled him close. It had been the same way before your memory loss... he found it comforting. If you hadn't reached out, you wouldn't be getting closer like you are now.

He became your pillow and you became his guide, his compass that lead him closer and closer to the puzzle's missing piece.

✦ tighnari : "and to think i awarded myself in how 'observant' i was... the one thing i needed to notice slipped right passed me."

Tighnari considered himself a murderer. If only he noticed you lost your vision, he wouldn't have sent you one such a dangerous expedition. No, this is your fault for not telling him. Well, actually was if his fault for not making you feel safe enough to share something like this?

You haunted every moment he spent alive and breathing, whether that be memories returning at the sight of certain objects or nightmare of what could've been had he took a moment to make sure everything was okay. Was this your form of revenge? Payback for his negligence?

He knew you weren't to blame, in the slightest. You'd given him so many warnings, the fact that he missed it was humiliating. The inability to forget you was a punishment his subconscious he gave himself, and he would bear it until he physically could no longer.

✦ kaveh : "hm, what a shame... looks like i'll have to make you fall in love with me all over again, my love. how fun."

Surprisingly, the architect didn't mind the fact you didn't remember him. You both were roommates at the start and now you were roommates again; you fell in love once and you'd fall in love again. It was as simple as '1 + 1' in his head. He just left out the factor that your personality wasn't exactly the same.

His old flirtatious attempts no longer left you a stuttering mess, as a matter of fact you'd send them back his way and the old roles were reversed.

"Whatcha drawing there?" you asked, plopping down on the couch across from him.

"Only the prettiest person in the world," he winked.

You stared at him for a moment, taking a sip of your tea, "Why do that when there's a mirror in the restroom."

"HUH?" he was a quick one to cover his red face his his sketchbook, still not used to this 'new you.'

You chuckled, leaning toward him to pull the book away from his face, "aw, can't take the tea you brewed, hm?"

"That's not true, it's just uh, you weren't like this before." He admitted.

"What was I like? I wonder, tell me in detail would you? Maybe that'll jog my memory," You smirked at him before going back to where you once were in your corner.

"I know what you're trying to do."

"And what's that?"

Kaveh was more about designing than building, but boy did he try his hardest to fix your broken vision. He simply couldn't handle the embarrassment you put him through (on the daily) and just wanted you to forget any of this happened.

He fell in love with two people with the same face, how inconvenient.

✦ zhongli : "my dear, i may be an archon, but, wield no vision myself. it is the wielder that makes the vision strong, humans forget it was never the other way around."

He didn't notice you didn't have your vision, only the consequences that came with losing it. He also noticed the gaps in your memory, refreshing them as much as he needed to. He also notice how, when he asked to accompany on your commissions, you'd refuse without a thought. He noticed your lack of energy, and how you thought you were no longer deserving of anything given to you.

He'd admit; at first, he thought you'd found another but the tired look in your, now always, glossy eyes told him otherwise. So he waited, and waited until you were ready to talk about it, and you told him in the form of a letter:

Good morning, I already left for my commissions & probably for good, haha. Eh, this isn't a laughing matter... Sorry. Oh, while I'm apologizing; I'm also sorry for all the times you had to remind me of things I shouldn't've forgotten, and how you've had to put up with my lack of energy, and how much I've probably embarrassed you.

I left, not at all because of you but because of me. You were an amazing archon and an even more amazing lover... I'll miss you so much. I'll think of you everyday, do the same for me okay? Keep me alive in your memory when I may no longer be so in Teyvat. Promise?

I left because I'm nothing compared to you. It must be embarrassing walking next to me in the streets. Have you noticed the way they look at me? Ha, they must think I'm beyond pathetic.

As you've seen, I lost my vision. well it actually, broke. That's worse, to be honest. Who breaks their vision?? Hm, me apparently. Anyways...

The former archon didn't waste another second reading whatever other nonsense the letter contained. Not letting go of your broken vision in his hands, he looked for any other trace of you in the house; which, as you warned, came fruitless.

To him, you were his vision. The wielder made the vision strong, but for him, it was the other way around.

✦ scaramouche : "i'd offer you a delusion, but i don't really have those connections right now."

Scaramouche had been betrayed three times so he sorta understood the hurt you felt. He'd never betrayed himself before so he didn't fully understand your pain to that extent but he did his best to sympathize no less.

At first he did make fun of you, but stopped when he realized how much you were hurting. He himself had no vision, so he taught you to function without it, just as you used to.

"Wake up."

"No."

"Wake up."

"No."

"Why not? You have a vision to re-earn. and not lose a second time." The last part was a whisper as he dragged you out of bed.

"But I don't wanna," you whined, using the little energy you had to defy your boyfriend.

His grip loosened as he thought for a moment, "oh, shit... didn't think about that. Still don't care."

He took your shock to pull you close and toss you over his shoulder, "You have two choices, get ready and come or come wearing that."

"Noo, pleaase,"

"Okay, you're going like that."

Scaramouche was extra gentle around you, learning things that he had never been taught; such as, positive reinforcement. He experimented with different methods of lifting your mood, all of which worked, until you were back to normal.

While you didn't 're-earn' your vision in the long run, your bond with the Wanderer changed. For the better, in my opinion.

HAPPY 9TH ANNIVERSARY, BTS