ADHD Is A Disability. I Know This. Nobody Else Around Me Does. When I Say I Can't Do Something, I Don't

Kimetsu no Yaiba

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bts talking about past memories ♡

All art/photos found on Pinterest:Online. If you know the original creator/is the original creator, message me so that I can give them/you credit.

my favorite couple dynamic is friends to lovers to strangers bc it ends in the most brutal way. i love to see how things end. how they meet and start off strong together, friends who know everything about each other in a matter of hours but refuse to address any underlying issues of miscommunication as the relationship develops, bc friends spare each other’s feelings. then everything falls apart bc their perceptions of each other are slowly revealed and ruin things as their partner realizes they were in love with the version of their s/o in their head and not them. the reveal of their perceptions of each other not aligning in reality breaks them apart and makes them strangers, completely foreign to each other despite having known each other for as long as they did. a lesson that communication is key but also that many of their issues couldn’t be prevented due to factors outside their control so it was doomed from the start

Character analysis of Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind by someone who really has BPD and its correlation with 8th house in astrology:

This movie is written by someone who has themselves had BPD. This I am sure of. When I watched this movie, it was like someone took my mind and made a movie out of it. Only someone who actually suffers from BPD and has gone through a similar situationship in life can write this story. Period.

Clementine is into witchcraft. She changes her hair color because it transforms her identity like someone with moon in 8th house. Her emotions are volatile, she is quick to anger and easily irritated. She must have inherited this emotional instability from her maternal bloodline. She has intergenerational trauma and psychological instability. 

She writes a lot of letters, takes Joel to Charles river, gives him a lot of gifts and makes his life so exciting because she has idealized him. She has a mental image of a perfect boyfriend and cannot see the real person in front of her. She projects the same mental image on every boy she dates. She repeats the same thing with everyone. She must have an absent or unavailable father. She wants a caregiver who will love her unconditionally. She forces intimacy on the first date because she craves union of soul and deep connection like that of a parent and child.  

This is why Patrick goes through the exact same storyline in place of Joel because Clem idealizes every person she dates, does the exact same things with them to PLEASE them so that they will not leave her. She has intense fear of abandonment and rejection. She brings excitement to life because she fears rejection. She constantly creates drama because stability feels scary to her. This is someone with 8th house Moon.

She idealizes every man who gives her attention, does things for him to impress him and please him, repeats same letters/drawings/dancing with everyone. When some months have passed she fears engulfment and boredom. She fears that now she has exhausted her supply of excitement. She is not fun and colorful anymore. Before the guy dumps her, she will dump him. Her sense of self depends on the guy she is dating. She purposely chooses guys with low self esteem and adds excitement to their life because she wants to control them so that they cannot leave her. But then she sees their flaws after some time that the man she is dating is actually a mediocre person with low self esteem and poor character traits. She has pattern of choosing similar guys. 

Out of sight out of mind. pwBPD forget people in a snap. It is like the whole relationship never happened. This is why they did not show Clem going through the procedure because her mental illness  automatically erases the whole relationship from her mind after she is done devaluing Joel. She has not gone through the procedure. Her mental illness BPD has erased her memory. 

Idealization, rushing into relationship, projecting a perfect image of boyfriend and relationship, intensity. Then devaluation, seeing the flaws in the person, fearing abandonment. Black and white thinking, extremely defensive, a lot of arguments. She has no self concept, no self image, no self esteem.   

She mentions “I’m crawling under my skin". This is Moon in 8th house. Intense emotions, so deep and so strong that you feel like you will explode. I have suffered with this my entire life until diagnosis.

She is promiscuous and has sex with every man because she feels like her only value is sex. She forces intimacy with men by oversharing every single embarrassing thing with them and having sex with them so that they won’t leave her. She wants security and stability in her life. Which is why when Joel says “my life is not that interesting. I go to work come home", she licks her lips because she wants this stability, consistency, pillar of strength in her life to hold her through the storm and chaos in her life. She tells him that when she was young she wanted to transform her girl doll so that it would magically transform her and then she says “never leave me". She has no self image. She is intentionally creating intimacy and self pity so that Joel will feel like a caregiver. Joel feels like a man, strong, protective. She wants this rock figure in her life. Clem has an endless pit of emotional needs that no man ever can satisfy.    

Notice how Joel says “I met this girl Clementine, she is amazing”, “I thought you were nuts but you were exciting", “I love you", “How cool I am attracted to someone’s back”, “and then you just took it without waiting for an answer. It was like we were already lovers", "you are lucky you have Clementice. She is cool". These are not the words of Joel. I repeat. These are not the words of Joel. Clementine is doing maladaptive daydreaming. She has MDD disorder. She is thinking these words about herself from Joel's POV because she can only see herself in relation to someone else. She has no self identity at all. She feels invisible, like a void unless she is being seen by someone else like an audience. Clem is thinking these things about herself in her daydream. She wants to be praised. She wants to be seen and appreciated.

This whole movie might just be her Maladaptive Daydreaming episode. Perhaps this whole movie is just an MDD thing. This is why they add science to it because Clem is daydreaming the whole movie and making things up. MDD coexists with BPD. The person cannot distinguish between real life and fantasy. They are so engrossed in it. They repeat the same scene until perfection. They especially repeat the “good" scenes many times because it gives them kick and rush.

Notice how the same scene is repeated many times in the end? This is because Clementine is doing maladaptive daydreaming. A maladaptive daydreamer repeats the same story in her head 100 times again and again like mad. It gives her dopamine. This is a compulsion. She is addicted to it. The “science" involved in this movie is not real. Clem is daydreaming everything and making things up.  

Clem also has a drinking problem.

This whole movie is a MDD episode of a person with BPD. I have daydreamed similar love stories in my head throughout my childhood, teenage and early 20s and then I went through a similar situationship. Then I was diagnosed with BPD. After which I found out I am gifted in astrology, occult. I have calmed down now and have done deep soul searching and have a self concept. I have treated my BPD to a large extent.  

Notice how every guy in the movie has had some relationship with Clementine? Clem idealizes men. She is daydreaming that all these men desire her, want her, everybody loves her, she is so cool and different. She wants to be loved and fucked by every man because they gives her security, validation, safety, self confidence.

Notice how Joel is already in relationship with Naomi? The other girl in the movie who is receptionist is in love with Howard who is married? This proves that not only Clem but even the receptionist also has BPD. Girls with BPD are intensely attracted to committed men because it gives them a sense of stability, caregiver, protection, father figure, rock figure. When I was 5 or so, I used to fancy marrying/dating men who were 50+

Notice how Clem and Joel are near the sea and Clem is jumping like a child while Joel walks beside her like a father figure? This is a fantasy in Clem's mind. She sees herself as a little girl. She has not grown up. This is why she is so exciting because she is literally a child mentally. This is why they also show them going to Joel's childhood because both of them are stuck in their childhood trauma and never grew up past it. Childhood traumas are signs of 8th house. Both of them are doing shadow work. They hate each other by the end of relationship because this is a karmic relationship to reveal their shadows to them.

When these people erase Joel's memory, Clem is daydreaming it all happening. Notice how the receptionist girl only talks about Howard? Because she is obsessed with him. She also has BPD. But she flirts and has sex with this computer guy because she wants validation, attention but she idealized Howard in her mind. While Howard has a messed up married life, she cannot see that because she only thinks in all perfect/all bad worldview.

Clem has an emotional meltdown where she feels like her skin is coming off and she is getting old. Nothing makes any sense. She cannot distinguish between feelings and facts.

Clem gets offended whenever Joel says something against her. She gets extremely defensive and insults him. She fears rejection and criticism. She also makes double braids because she is a child emotionally. She is impulsive and takes decision without thinking anything.

I can go on and on. But this is it for now.

No thoughts, just this.

Imagine....

You had returned from your last mission, hurt. You had woken up to heavy footsteps, when you open your eyes Sanemi is standing next to your cot, his chest heaving from running all the way here after Shinobu told him you were injured. He's starring at you anxiously, though his gaze softens when you smile up at him. You reach your arms out, your hands making grabby motions in a silent plea for his touch. He embraces you carefully, before you weakly attempt to pull him onto the cot with you. He looks at you sternly, " no, you're hurt." His voice is flat as he tries to gently pull away from your embrace. You don't let go; Sanemi is forced to stay still, fearing that if he were to try and tug away any harder your sutures could bust. "Lay down with me 'Nemi", you mumble weakly, every word coming out strained and quiet. He shakes his head before once again trying gently to pull away, but your fingers dig into his haori, managing to pull him closer by barely a inch. " Let go, I don't wanna hurt you", he said, a small threat laced in his tone, adjacent of a mother telling her child to stop pulling things off the shelf in a supermarket. Your eyes begin to water as you look into his, begging-no- pleading for him to just lay with you and hold you close.

He cant seem to say no when the tears begin to roll down your cheeks, the pain he knew you must already be in with the additive of your glossy tears making his resolve crumble. He carefully nudges you over so he can slide into the cot with you. You quickly- or as quickly as you can manage- curl into him, basking in his touch. He holds you close to him, your head resting high on his chest while his own rests atop yours; he takes a moment, just breathing in your familiar presence. He feels tears roll down his own face, his body finally relaxing after the tension stressing over you caused. The relief overwhelming as he buries his face in your hair as he holds you, never wanting to let you go.

And this is what we call..

Growth.

btw if you live in the midwest (a region where a lot of the states are going to have trigger laws or ban abortion completely it looks like) and if it’s possible that you can leave ur state, get to illinois. Illinois isn’t just a state where abortion is permitted, in illinois abortion is strictly a protected right. illinois’ right to abortion is permanent and isn’t going to be changed anytime soon. in illinois your abortion rights are completely confidential. illinois is one of the easiest states to access abortion in and the process is fairly simple, and it’s going to always be legal to do so even as the right to abortion is overturned in other states. it’s very much a safe haven to anyone who needs to flee their state right now. if anyone can provide any resources and links that would be greatly appreciated.

Senjuro is so cute I would volunteer to beat every one of his bullies including broom (please just stop crying in 80% of your panels senjuro ;_;)

i can find a panel where senjurō was not crying!

just look at this one—

oh wait no.. how about this one—

.. okay, this—

maybe the next—

no.. this one..

...