From-winded-to-wellness - A Winning Loser

24 January 2022-Reset

Hey ya’ll!

I can’t believe it’s already almost February. I really feel like this month flew by. I’ve been all over the place since this semester started. However, I finally feel that I’ve finally settled in and have gotten used to being back in school. I had all of these tasks I had planned to accomplish during winter break that I ended up neglecting. Honestly, I was beyond exhausted and burnt out after the end of my last semester. I, pretty much, spent my entire break sleeping, playing Animal Crossing, hanging with my family, and catching up with my friends over the phone.

The funny thing is, in the past, during winter break, which is like a month long for a lot college students, I would get bored around the 2 week mark and would start looking forward to going back to school for the spring semester. However, this year, for the first time ever, I didn’t want to go back...like at all. In fact, by the 3rd week of break, I was starting to get anxious again and was absolutely DREADING going back to school. I was even wishing I had an additional week, on top of the entire month, of break. Not only because I had not completed any of the tasks I had set aside for the break, but because I was still really tired. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I’m really not sure why though. Maybe it’s because I’m entering my second (or third???) year of the pandemic. Maybe it’s the fact that last year was awful and I was still recovering from everything that happened. Maybe it’s because this spring is the last semester of my degree and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life and just wanted more time to not have to think about that. Maybe it’s because I knew how lonely I was going to be again once returning to the city I attend school. Maybe it’s a mixture of everything...and more.

Then those feelings of dread ended up turning into guilt. I felt guilty for not being more productive with my winter break. I also felt frustrated with myself, especially after realizing I now had very little time to accomplish a large amount of work by the deadline that was established prior to break. This just worsened my anxiety and dread.

I ended up, reluctantly, bringing this up with a therapist. After telling them everything I was feeling and how I wished I didn’t choose sleep over work during my break, they said something that has stuck with me and will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. They said, “Maybe you needed that break.” They then proceeded to reassure me that there was no reason to feel guilty for choosing to rest. And you know what? I agree. It took a while to get to this point, but I finally do agree with them. I mean...I still think I would have benefited from getting at least SOME of my tasks done, but it’s fine. I really did need that break. Last year left me drained and broken and I needed to use that time to rebuild myself a bit so that I could be ready for this year.

This also reminds me of what I have told friends of mine these past couple of years. “If you don’t take a break, your body is going to do it for you.” Basically, what I mean when I’ve said this is that if you’re constantly on the go and not listening to your body and taking necessary breaks, your body is going to shut down when you least expect it. When it does, it’s going to be at the most inconvenient time of your life. At that point, you will have no choice but to finally slow down a bit and take some time to recover.

I’ve decided that I really need to start applying this philosophy to myself. Not to hype myself up too much, but...sometimes I do give good advice. I just need to be more proactive with practicing what I preach.

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far in this long post (if you’re some of the new people who have followed me this past month, just to warn you...unfortunately, this isn’t going to be the last lol) thank you for taking the time to read my jumbled thoughts. I’m going to start back up with my fitness/health journey-related posts this week, now that I feel a bit more grounded. So stay tuned.

Until later, stay safe friends :)

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