Nice

YOO AKSNSKDJD I JUST NOTICED YOUR PFP IS MY DRAWING ACK— IM HONORED 😭💖

You're drawings were so pretty, and it was mammon, I couldn't help myself💕

Just in case you forget this exists.

It exists.

imagine Hera, Aphrodite, and Athena going to Odysseus instead of Paris with the apple. (in lore this would never work since the goddess know Odysseus would favor Athena, but let's pretend) They tell him to give the apple to the fairest like in the story. And then he just leaves.

He goes back to his palace to the shock of the goddesses and just gives Penelope the golden apple. He's just like yeah, 3 goddesses basically told me to give you the apple, I don't really know why, but here I am.

Like what are they going to do, his choice perfectly aligns with all their domains. Aphrodite? How is chosing his wife as the most beautiful and fairest not an act of love. (she might think it's blasphemy to put his wife above her, but I dont' think she'd mind if it's an honest and sincere act of love that he does) Hera? How is him putting his wife and his marriage above all else anything but a celebration of her domain. Athena? She'd probably be the most cool at the start, but how is that not a brilliant 3rd option to take (really 4th) that doesn't insult any of the goddesses

cursed manwhore! A.U called ‘whoreman’.

the whole thing is basically just that instead of Odysseus offering his body / seducing others so that he can get home, Ody’ is just an absolute freak by nature who tries to fucks whoever he wants, just bc he can. (don’t worry, him n Penelope had an agreement ‘bout it :33) also because unfortunately, he is way too ‘appreciative’ to anyone who he deems ‘attractive’.

Eury’ and the Crew know this all to well n are constantly trying to drive away any potential victims of their captain’s said Freakyness, bc those thighs on him are a death sentence, everything is a death sentence srsly run 4 ur lives this man is danger to everyone’s stamina.

Events play out literally exactly the same as canon but now w/ slutty Odysseus exuding horny energy like he’s Primordial! Eros in disguise.

hfhggggg Odysseus’s blinding enthusiasm on getting down dirty is so powerful that even Poseidon n Zeus, two of the most *cough* ‘active’ Gods r just like “wow—“ upon seeing Ody’, still fully clothed, yet somehow giving off some of the strongest ‘fuck me’ vibes known to everyone, doing the Babygirl pose with absolutely NO SHAME & NO HESITATION AS HE LOOKS THEM IN THE EYES LIKE “you down to fuck gorgeous? 😏😏😏”

idk why I thought this 😭

Edit: shout out to @lunaria1 4 the suggestion that Whore! Ody’ sings Britney Spears so while the story still has all the canon songs, there’s now also a bunch of lyric parody vers of Britney Spears songs ]:)))

Odysseus, probably: I can take anyone either with my sword or my ass

Eurylochus: I did not just hear that

if epic ever gets a stage adaptation, imagine how the song odysseus is staged.

it’s dark, with a single spotlight on ody as he sings his opening monologue. all of the lights go out when the electric guitar kicks in & the chorus chants.

then, somewhere in the aisles, torches are lit. the suitors are in the audience, between the rows of seats (some intentionally left open so they can maneuver), up in the boxes. u can’t see odysseus anywhere, but arrows fly from multiple directions during the slaughter.

during his ending monologue, some of his lines could even be prerecorded to throw his voice around to mimic him being everywhere.

the remaining suitors try to flee from the exits of the theatre but they can’t. ody walks down the aisles to get to them, bow in hand. the lights go out a final time as the song ends.

I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT

To prove something to a friend, please

REBLOG IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

LIKE IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS DON’T BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

(Menelaus, Odysseus, and Diomedes find themselves having to sleep outdoors during a mission)

Diomedes: Odysseus, spoon with me. We need to huddle together for warmth.

Menelaus: No, Odysseus, you're my best friend. You're going to spoon with me.

Diomedes: I called first spoon. Odysseus, get over here right now.

Menelaus: Odysseus, don't throw away a lifelong friendship for a one-night spoon with Tydides.

Odysseus: Enough. We're gonna stop fighting. We're gonna lie down, and we're gonna triple-spoon like adults!

GUESS WHO DECIDED TO DO ANOTHER EXPRESSION MEME INSTEAD OF GOING TO BED! ME!!!

I could’ve done all the critters but I decided on my personal faves instead <3

Here’s the thingy if u wanna use it on ur space riders/cult ocs

You should draw Error getting smothered in kisses by the Star Sanses....

the face of a victim of the horrors (tender kisses)