Location Change: From Seoul, South Korea To Dallas, Usa.

♡%    .  .  .    ❀ ❜  an au  celebrity character  inspired  by  the idol & the  many  rumors  and  things  heard  of   jennie  kim.

         a  collection  of  industry  chaos  and  rich  girl  problems.   by  m.

twitter / carrd ( read for plots, disclaimer, stats & about )

6th october, thursday.

the same hotel ever since returning from usa, it doesn't feel like home.

on second thought, that makes sense. she doesn't have a home anymore. family stern about the issues having to be sorted out before jennie earns another shot at deserving the title as their daughter. and even then it would merely offer a chance of them considering letting her move back in. but is it home? welcoming? no, not anymore. the other home no longer exists either, he is long gone and that is something she feels almost daily. you don't belong anywhere, jennie.

the days have been long and busy, rehearsals for the upcoming tour and she is glad, no one asks there, all concerns drowned out inbetween loud music, focus, and patterns through steps and motion. practice for selling a dream, that they are strong and perfect. worthy of being idols. her manager asks if she wants to come over for dinner late one evening, it's sincere, easily noted in his cautiousness when asking. jennie faces him with tired eyes, the smile polite but with no life in it.

'no, i'm on a diet, remember?'

that earns a dishonest chuckle from him before he merely nods once, repeating the diet part for himself. knows it's bullshit. yet her excuse looks too valid for him to argue with it, she looks drained. much like the times when dieting too hard (or when her heart has been broken, or rumors have been too much, or times when guilt spreads her happiness thin) but what is he to say? she is an adult.

the remainder of the ride passes in silence. by her favourite hotel ( the one with the charming indoor pool that you can see the moon from ! ) jennie lingers with a hand on the door of the car, for an instance he wonders if the barely-heard words only exist in his imagination, but her eyes are a bit sad. no, actually sad. so he knows he heard it --

'.. but thank you.'

the door is shut before any questions can be asked. sometimes he worries that jennie is going to do more than just kill the old parts of herself. they say women with nothing to lose aren't scared of ruin. he has a feeling it will become a fulltime job if she takes the approach her LA friends do, a hedonistic party girl will have a hard time in the eyes of the korean industry.

24th april, 2022. 18:22.

’he’s angry because this could compromise things for him at work…’

the half-whispered reassurance sounds more like it’s uttered to justify her father, who just slammed a door shut on the way to the in-home office, rather than something meant to comfort jennie.

the kitchen table doesn’t feel like *home* today. or maybe too much like home.

Keep reading

15th october, saturday.

the lights go off and she can hear everything, the crowd cheering, curious, anticipating whatever may come next -- and the increased volume when her name is the only thing in lights. she knows, aims for an element of surprise.

i love you and me, ... dancing in the moonlight ...

a lover of the moon, that's jennie. someone who has sought endless comfort on silent nights by pouring up a bath and watching the sky, or walked out to the river to seek an undefined *something* while in company of only the stars and moon. they see her sins and mistakes, yet never leave her.

he was the same for her once, but not anymore. and she is scared that life lacks meaning.

the man who dances with her is in charge, fluid and gentle in his movements, many which are inspired by ballet. it's dark around them, a rendition of the moon there to blind the crowd and for a brief moment only the shadowy outlines of jennie and her partner exist in the world, no one else. he moves like he cherishes her -- she pushes him away, because that lie has been told before. and jennie want it seen, for the world to be aware that she knows she is trouble, without saying the words.

feigned independence is a contrast of red on the otherwise clean and white backdrop. love isn't only bright and beautiful, it's harsh and complex.

the song and performance hits close to home. that was the whole point, in this way she can open up, tell the world that she is scared of what she longs for the most. am i asking for help?

yet she smiles more than she means to, because this, on the very stage, is the thrill she lives for. until the dancer grabs her hands above her head, because she needs that, someone reaching out to hold her. perhaps to forcefully remind her that she is worth the struggle of fame and gossip, that her fears cannot compare to the hold he has on her. reassurance. possessiveness.

but fear.

her hand refusing to take his once free from the hold, a glamorized battle for control, intimacy, and trust. ( the one who gives up control in love is the one left in pain when the illusion is over ) all mixed in with magnetic drive to not let go, being unable to, being drawn in for more. it settles on the hemline of his pants -- her fingertips onto bare skin as his shirt is undone. love isn't only childish and innocent, it's manipulative and dark, dipped in lust. words unspoken through escapades where the moonlight is the only thing illuminating two lovers. jennie finds it vulnerable, a contrast from what many view as easy, because she believes there is truth in each exchange. it has lead her astray a few times, but unspoken reassuance and an acceptance of each other happens even like that ; tangled up in bed, letting someone see your darkness.

the subtle art of attraction.

she sings about liking how he makes her feel, how it puts a something in her days, how she doesn't care about his previous loves because she plans to be his last, and it all feels like an old page out of her notebook, the one she goes nowhere without.

i don't wanna fall, don't wanna play this game alone with nowhere to hide ...

jennie knows the person the song is about never will be back, she's alone and this is a letter to the moon.

maybe someday someone will understand, and still hold her there through the fight. she wants to think she is valuable enough.

[lawyer voice] the prosecution makes a compelling argument, but have you considered this *puts middle finger up*

anyone 6'0 or taller: stands near me

me: [softly] for fuck's sake

24th january, tuesday.

paris fashion week. no, wait.. that was not why they were there this time. but it is the reason jennie faces discomfort, and what has most of her attention.

an invite delivered with a bouquet of flowers, both sent to her hotel room early in the morning the day before, outfit chosen and tailored .. smiles and childish excitement, excuses to be made pretty and expensive clothes still thrill her even after these almost seven years .. seven years ago, that man already loved paris, french erotic movies, french horror, and there had been plans to go there together throughout their 7-month relationship .. irony, but those are thoughts that won't cross jennie's mind for a few more hours. until then she exists in excitement, blissfully unaware.

as an idol she is anything but a stranger to sneaking away or missing out on experiences for love, but on the day of the fashion show she is met by the news that her ex boyfriend is in attendance of the same show. suddenly: the impulsive choice of ditching an important event because this is the love who snuck into her nightmares even years after it ended.

perhaps things would have looked different if it had been her second or third -- bashful glances and corners of lips curving upwards, while knowing it wouldn't go further. no harm besides planned futures which no longer are shared. quite an ordinary thing in life.

but on paris streets roam her first love, a man who taught her that peaceful love and honesty isn't granted only because there is a relationship between two people. him, the creator of now faint outlines of scars on her thighs. and the memories of being disposable, not good enough for his eyes (and hands) to linger only on her. paired with the insults, comparisons, lies. but he is a superstar. and she cannot risk standing there with him, face to face. because he never lost an argument. a proof in itself after he refused to dismiss their years-late rumors of dating, jennie considers it a petty act of revenge, because nothing in this world would tie her to that man by choice anymore. 2017 jennie simply hadn't been as clever and sometimes the consequences come much later. but who ever think they will be followed by the past to this extent?

wine. the chosen poison of the day. not the correct one, but she will call a friend for further assistance, that chanel show is going to be forgotten by blowing a month's rent on shopping.

no one needs to know why jennie bailed on her fashionshow schedule all of a sudden, not even her friend.