Etoyra - Hi ??

The hobbits invent a fun game called ‘how close can we get to our friends before they notice us’

easy mode: Gimli (makes a lot of noise himself, very easy to sneak up on)

medium mode: Boromir (challenging enough to be great fun)

hard more: Aragorn (VERY attentive to his surroundings)

expert mode: Legolas

#PrisonStrike

I’ve seen almost nothing on my dashboard about the prison strike so far, so I thought I’d make a post about it.

On August 21st, prisoners throughout 17 states began a prison strike, after a riot in Lee Correctional Institute in South Carolina. The strike is supposed to last until September 9th. The strikers issued ten demands:

Immediate improvements to the conditions of prisons and prison policies that recognize the humanity of imprisoned men and women.

An immediate end to prison slavery. All persons imprisoned in any place of detention under United States jurisdiction must be paid the prevailing wage in their state or territory for their labor.

The Prison Litigation Reform Act must be rescinded, allowing imprisoned humans a proper channel to address grievances and violations of their rights.

The Truth in Sentencing Act and the Sentencing Reform Act must be rescinded so that imprisoned humans have a possibility of rehabilitation and parole. No human shall be sentenced to Death by Incarceration or serve any sentence without the possibility of parole.

An immediate end to the racial overcharging, over-sentencing, and parole denials of Black and brown humans. Black humans shall no longer be denied parole because the victim of the crime was white, which is a particular problem in southern states.

An immediate end to racist gang enhancement laws targeting Black and brown humans.

No imprisoned human shall be denied access to rehabilitation programs at their place of detention because of their label as a violent offender.

State prisons must be funded specifically to offer more rehabilitation services.

Pell grants must be reinstated in all US states and territories.

The voting rights of all confined citizens serving prison sentences, pretrial detainees, and so-called “ex-felons” must be counted. Representation is demanded. All voices count.

Corporations like Whole Foods, McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Walmart, Starbucks, and more have used prison slave labor, where prisoners are paid $1.00 a day to make millions for bosses. In a country where slavery is abolished in name only, where we imprison more people than any other country, and where the majority of inmates (despite a recent decline) remain people of color, it’s important for outsiders to assist any way we can.  

If you want information about the strike, as well as actions you can take, check out It’s Going Down. The Incarcerated Workers Organizing Committee is also posting updates on Twitter.

I really, really dislike the narrative that surrounds romantic relationships that if you don’t want to spend 100% of your time together, you’re not in a healthy relationship. And I don’t mean “ugh I can’t stand them right now” or the whole “wimmin, amirite? Can’t live with ‘em, but still expect them to clean up after me” heteronormative, hateful bullshit. I mean the fact that romantic ideals have been elevated to such unhealthy peaks of unrealisticness, that even wanting time and space to yourself is considered abnormal. 

Like some of the things people are describing when it comes to their “ideal” relationship? Honestly just reminds me of the codependency worksheet my therapist made me fill out, and I ought to know because I’m extremely dependant on my partner to stay alive. Granted, my situation is a little different from people who aren’t disabled or chronically ill. But this still doesn’t change who we are as people, even if it has changed the dynamics of our relationship.

But we’re still emotionally very independent people, and like doing things on our own. We always have, even before my health issues, we had our own friends. We loved wandering off and doing stuff on our own pre-Corona. And even now we still like having some downtime apart, even if it just means he’s watching TV in the other room, and I’m on the computer talking to all y’all. That downtime doesn’t mean we’re dysfunctional or dealing with unresolved resentment with each other, it just means we don’t feel the need for constant physical proximity to feel close. We’re still getting our needs met, we’re still happy. And yet some people would say that because we don’t feel the need to do everything together at every minute of the day, we must secretly be unhappy. Why? Why are some of you so dysfunctional you can’t spend any time apart? (See how not nice it is for someone to say something like that?)

And also, while I’m at it, erase the idea that you’re so in love with someone you will never be mad at them because that’s also not healthy or realistic. There will be times your partner will irk you. There may even be times that they outright piss you off or vice versa. What matters is how you handle those moments and work through them together. And if you’re continually framing your relationship in terms of “we’re so in love we’ll never be angry at each other, so I don’t even have to think about it,” you’re not preparing yourself to deal with real and very valid emotions that are part of the human social experience. You can be the most in love, most in tune, best-matched couple ever, and still find yourself annoyed by something. And it’s the people who break up who either don’t know how to deal with this, or just plain won’t because it breaks their internal narrative of True Love™ overcoming all, not realizing that love is both a feeling and a choice, and sometimes you gotta choose to work at it.

 And this applies to queer relationships as well. All too often, I see people saying, “we’re queer, so this will never be an issue” when what you really mean to say is, “we’re queer, so these particular problems that are prevalent in heteronormative relationships will not affect us in that way.”

But that does not mean you will never come across a problem that does put a strain on your relationship. Like, say, a fucking global pandemic that locks most people in their homes for a fourth, fifth month in a row with no other means of socialization or stimulation.

Or one of you getting sick and suddenly requiring constant care… 

And that shit ain’t easy regardless of who you love. Being a caretaker is emotionally and physically draining, and I could write for hours about why there need to be better support systems in place for the caretaker spouses of chronically and terminally ill/disabled partners and how they often become chronically ill themselves. (I was a caretaker myself from the age of 9 onwards. I know this shit isn’t easy. It’s why I made ETD go to therapy when we realized I would need him to take care of me if we wanted to keep me alive.) But that’s another topic for another post. 

Like, honestly, maybe it’s me. Perhaps it’s my experiences and how I view love and relationships, but the whole idea of “I don’t need to take time for myself I’m in a loving relationship!” is just… not good. Everyone needs their own space sometimes and demonizing that as unhealthy is, well, not healthy.

Humans are human, we’re social creatures for the most part. But sometimes you just gotta go off by yourself into the metaphorical woods of the psyche and spend some time being comfortable with yourself. And if you can’t do that without feeling like your relationship is in trouble, well, maybe you ought to evaluate why. 

im still super fuckin salty that 2 of my instructors for my psych degree specifically mentioned not wearing makeup and feminine clothes as a sign of “deteriorating mental health.” specifically, that if a woman walks into your practice, and you’ve never seen her before, and she’s not wearing makeup or dressing up or shaving, then she’s going to be a “difficult case” and when she starts to do these things it’s a sign that therapy is progressing well.

especially since when i was at Rock Fucking Bottom ™ i was over-performing femininity as a) a way to dissociate from myself, my trauma, and the dysphoria i was experiencing and b) a last-ditch effort to get Approval, Validation, and Attention when i felt like i was unattractive and worthless. don’t let anyone tell you that “psychology used to have a misogyny problem and issues with pathologizing gender nonconformity, but it’s solved now because more women than men are earning psych degrees!!” because the problems are still very much there, they just change forms every couple of decades.

sometimes your world just crumbles around you                  and you have to build something new from the pieces.

the GM: the field is populated with ornamental flamingos.

the monk: i don’t know if my character’s ever seen a flamingo before.

the GM: roll to know what a flamingo is!

the monk: *gets a nat 1*

the monk:

[GIF ID: An extremely muscular, shirtless person does a standing windmill on a soccer field filled with several dozen plastic flamingos. Then, they kick every single flamingo out of frame in a frenetic rage, then rage-run offscreen. End ID.]

this is how you nip internalized self hatred in the bud

3 Ways to Keep Yourself Safe When You're Not Ready to Leave Your Abusive Partner

If you're in a relationship with an abusive partner, you're not alone – this author can relate, as can countless other survivors, who make an average of seven attempts before leaving for good. You should feel safe, not just if you want to leave, but right now.

In addition to what’s mentioned in this link, we have some info to help folks make a plan to stay safe when leaving an abusive relationship, and when they can’t leave just yet: The Scarleteen Safety Plan

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so, i'm just daydreaming about geralt and jaskier,

as per usual,

and i made myself sad thinking about geralt apologising for snapping on the mountain, kinda curling in on himself, feeling slightly ashamed but also wary? cause when has he ever been graced with forgiveness? how often do people allow him to explain his actions? how many humans take the time to listen and be patient as he tries to express how... difficult it is, processing emotions when all his life he's been told he has none. so he resigns himself to losing his friend completely, prepares for a dismissive tone and a cold rejection,

and then,

hearing jaskier sigh and tell him that it's okay, that sure he was sad and a little angry at first, but time has passed and his love has always been stronger than his hate, and sure they'll need to talk about it more when ciri isn't around because they both need to be more communicative, but for now, it's okay and he forgives him,

but, not only that, he's sorry too! he should have given geralt maybe some time, a little space - for he had just lost yennefer and maybe he shouldn't have made light of the situation in the same breath as geralt's heart being broken?

like,

can you imagine?

geralt's reaction??

like how many people have apologised to him in the past? how many people have forgiven him but then went on to offer their own sincere regret in regards to the actions they've taken against him??

like, visenna will never apologise to him for what she did. the elder witchers will never apologise for what they did. stregobor won't, other witchers and humans and mages won't, geralt has probably never had someone offer themselves up for his forgiveness! either because they think there's nothing for him to forgive, or that he should simply shoulder what they've done, or they think themselves above such quaint little customs.

and idk,

geralt being apologised to,

jaskier forgiving him,

all the feelings which blossom and flood geralt's veins, it makes him a little dizzy, a little winded, his throat closes up and his mouth falls open in a silent acceptance - ciri probably softly elbows him to jolt him out of his stupor,

but jaskier shakes his head because he understands. with a small smile, he cocks his head and says i understand,

which probably rocks geralt even more, because even now, after the years that have passed, the bard can still decipher him on levels not even vesemir can touch,

and invites them to drink with him.

a gentle offer of friendship reborn,

and one which geralt takes with eager appreciation.