So, I'm Just Daydreaming About Geralt And Jaskier,

this is how you nip internalized self hatred in the bud

I see a lot of “yennefer made a choice and chose being transformed over having kids, then regretted her choice” and I think that… honestly really overestimates the amount of agency she had (or felt that she had)

At least according to the books, mages from Aretuza (where ugly/flawed girls go) must be transformed to hold court positions and all mages in general are forcibly sterilized. Taken in as young, gifted children, manipulated by their elders, taught that they have to do magic this way or risk going insane and/or being hunted down for being a rogue mage.

So… yes, she had a choice. In a sense. Making the choice that would allow her more (perceived) freedom serving a court and then realizing that that’s not how it actually worked makes it understandable to feel regret.

Tip:

When it comes to stuff like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc, I’ve found it’s usually way better to think to yourself ‘I don’t want to be’ than ‘I’m not’.

I.e. if someone goes ‘that thing you just did is ableist’, instead of going ‘I’m not ableist, I don’t hate disabled people!’ it’s usually a lot better to go ‘I don’t want to be ableist, I should rethink what I’m doing/saying/etc in light of that fact’. Because that shifts your thinking so rather than jumping straight into denial and attempts to defend your character, you’re instead more inclined to look at how your actions could be misrepresenting your intentions. Or whether you’ve overlooked something, been callous, or acted in ignorance.

"real rednecks aren't racist! real punks can't be bigots! real (insert x social group) can't-"

Halloween is almost over. You know what that means!

MOTHER

FUCKIN

HANUKKAH 

SEASON

YEAH!

just know i went to middle school w/ a kid who got arrested for stealing an inflated Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, we were in the same math class so i’m cool by association 

It’s a minor pet peeve, but it is everywhere today so errrr…. please keep in mind that “Rest in Peace”/RIP literally comes from a latin phrase and is a very very deeply Christian expression.

When talking about the departed, Jews say “may their memory be a blessing.”

So please, when talking about a dead person who is Jewish, try to keep in mind that RIP is a Christian phrase.

hannah gadsy roasting the shit out of men in douglas (2020)

I really, really dislike the narrative that surrounds romantic relationships that if you don’t want to spend 100% of your time together, you’re not in a healthy relationship. And I don’t mean “ugh I can’t stand them right now” or the whole “wimmin, amirite? Can’t live with ‘em, but still expect them to clean up after me” heteronormative, hateful bullshit. I mean the fact that romantic ideals have been elevated to such unhealthy peaks of unrealisticness, that even wanting time and space to yourself is considered abnormal. 

Like some of the things people are describing when it comes to their “ideal” relationship? Honestly just reminds me of the codependency worksheet my therapist made me fill out, and I ought to know because I’m extremely dependant on my partner to stay alive. Granted, my situation is a little different from people who aren’t disabled or chronically ill. But this still doesn’t change who we are as people, even if it has changed the dynamics of our relationship.

But we’re still emotionally very independent people, and like doing things on our own. We always have, even before my health issues, we had our own friends. We loved wandering off and doing stuff on our own pre-Corona. And even now we still like having some downtime apart, even if it just means he’s watching TV in the other room, and I’m on the computer talking to all y’all. That downtime doesn’t mean we’re dysfunctional or dealing with unresolved resentment with each other, it just means we don’t feel the need for constant physical proximity to feel close. We’re still getting our needs met, we’re still happy. And yet some people would say that because we don’t feel the need to do everything together at every minute of the day, we must secretly be unhappy. Why? Why are some of you so dysfunctional you can’t spend any time apart? (See how not nice it is for someone to say something like that?)

And also, while I’m at it, erase the idea that you’re so in love with someone you will never be mad at them because that’s also not healthy or realistic. There will be times your partner will irk you. There may even be times that they outright piss you off or vice versa. What matters is how you handle those moments and work through them together. And if you’re continually framing your relationship in terms of “we’re so in love we’ll never be angry at each other, so I don’t even have to think about it,” you’re not preparing yourself to deal with real and very valid emotions that are part of the human social experience. You can be the most in love, most in tune, best-matched couple ever, and still find yourself annoyed by something. And it’s the people who break up who either don’t know how to deal with this, or just plain won’t because it breaks their internal narrative of True Love™ overcoming all, not realizing that love is both a feeling and a choice, and sometimes you gotta choose to work at it.

 And this applies to queer relationships as well. All too often, I see people saying, “we’re queer, so this will never be an issue” when what you really mean to say is, “we’re queer, so these particular problems that are prevalent in heteronormative relationships will not affect us in that way.”

But that does not mean you will never come across a problem that does put a strain on your relationship. Like, say, a fucking global pandemic that locks most people in their homes for a fourth, fifth month in a row with no other means of socialization or stimulation.

Or one of you getting sick and suddenly requiring constant care… 

And that shit ain’t easy regardless of who you love. Being a caretaker is emotionally and physically draining, and I could write for hours about why there need to be better support systems in place for the caretaker spouses of chronically and terminally ill/disabled partners and how they often become chronically ill themselves. (I was a caretaker myself from the age of 9 onwards. I know this shit isn’t easy. It’s why I made ETD go to therapy when we realized I would need him to take care of me if we wanted to keep me alive.) But that’s another topic for another post. 

Like, honestly, maybe it’s me. Perhaps it’s my experiences and how I view love and relationships, but the whole idea of “I don’t need to take time for myself I’m in a loving relationship!” is just… not good. Everyone needs their own space sometimes and demonizing that as unhealthy is, well, not healthy.

Humans are human, we’re social creatures for the most part. But sometimes you just gotta go off by yourself into the metaphorical woods of the psyche and spend some time being comfortable with yourself. And if you can’t do that without feeling like your relationship is in trouble, well, maybe you ought to evaluate why.