How Did We Go From That To This...

Had to repost! I tried so hard to go forward with him.... we just can’t seem to get it together!

“We can’t go backward. There are too many regrets. Please just move forward with me?”

— Renee Carlino, Swear on This Life: A Novel

Facts

Lol and this

“Listen closely to the songs I play, because the lyrics speak the words I fail to say.”

— Unknown

So true!

And it begins... the days are not so lonely. And it’s not because I worked myself to death and made sure not to What is this? Is this that “time” thing he couldn’t explain, but it’s loud and clear now! And so it begins....

So, I’m thinking that things with my husband are always gonna go the same path, no matter how much I work on myself or how much I change up things I do…. I always fall into thinking that we are doing better, and he’s actually not talking to me like shit daily, that he actually wants me around, then bam, I get hit with reality. We are home and he’s in his building like always and I’m in my room/0ffice/closet, whatever, and he is texting a friend asking him to go to the bar…. Damn if we’re doing well, and I’m home doing nothing special and so is he, then why would he texting friends asking if they want to hit up a bar, which would probably end up being Hooters which is absolutely fine, it’s not like that’s the part that bothers me. We are at the house a lot together, but we never talk, hang out or for the most part even eat together. This is not the way I want my relationship to be anymore, I want to be with someone that has time to do whatever periodically, and wants to do things with me. Not go drink with friends. If we spent time together, actually in one another’s company, then I wouldn’t care if he ran off with a buddy every now and then, I don’t want to spend 24/7 with him, I’m not a controlling person, I guess call me needy, I just want to feel wanted from time to time, Or ever. Right now I feel like I am dropping everything for him to do whatever he wants or needs me to do, slacking on my work and responsibilities, worrying about shit like how bad I’ve got to get an oil change, reminding myself that I need to put a little antifreeze In here, is my tire pumped up, and so on, when just for the simple fact that I am his wife, and knowing that I’m using my moms car, the circumstances as to why, he should have already at least attempted to help me with or get the vehicle things accomplished. It’s always 99 % of the time about himself, and tbh, I have no guarantees that anything that helps him or benefits him, does anything for me at all. I know of many times him coming in to money or him winning money, and we were together, well I’d be lucky if I ever knew period. It’s only gotten worse than better so wtf is wrong with me, then the minute I get myself to a point to be able to let go, he’s automatically totally different and makes me think it’s gonna different and I automatically feel guilty and like if I leave or ask him to go then Im wrong. I’ve always heard that ex’s are ex’s for a reason….. what is really the worst part of it all is that I am not brand new. I know what reality is, I just always think that it’s gonna be better….

It’s supposed to be a special day for him, I see that I’m not a part of this, ok I’m learning.