Facts

We could be so good together! We split up and then you want to work it out, so I try time and time again, just to end up right back to me falling back into you, then you realize you have me, and all of a sudden you’re back to cold as ice. I beg you to talk to me, tell me what I could do to make things better and you act like I’m the only one with the problem, maybe I am, but my problem is you. It’s like you are completely emotion less. Like you block out everything I say, you text me and when I text you back and it’s not what you want to hear then you don’t even really read them just enough to find something and say I’m starting shit. I am trying harder than I have in the twenty something years we’ve been in this. I speak you start to act like you frustrated, like I’m bothering you when I’m just trying to make conversation with my husband. I thought we were suppose to be a team in this. You talk and treat everyone like human beings and me like I’m a pest. Ya know, I’ve got over you before, so Idk why you want to torture us both. I’m a Gemini, I have to feel wanted, not smothered but loved. I would love to be number 3 in your life but I’m lucky if I’m in the the top 10. So please just go. Stop torturing me for loving you. I’m good with it, because I love you enough that I want you to be happy, I want to make someone happy, and I never seem to make you anything. I feel like a sex doll, like whenever you want it. You want me dressed up and in the mood, when I feel like your half way finished before we even start, then you don’t talk to me unless you need something from me, you hurt me, I tell you, and you say nothing at all. Just go. Find someone that does it for you, not just sexually, but someone you want to sit and talk to and not try and stay away from. I am not holding you back and I’ve never held anything over your head trying to keep you. The other day when I had to go and you and my girl talked for a min, you actually sat in the carport and had a good conversation, it made me jealous af but only because I feel like you don’t even try that with me……. So walk away, if you ever really care please stop dragging me, I’m not strong enough to tell you no ever.

So…. I’m still trying to make this marriage to work. I feel like he doesn’t ever want to work through anything, I feel like every time we get into an argument he does something that pulls us even further apart, then God forbid if I bring up anything about the argument because then I’m just bitching, well fuck, we yet to work through the last 5 arguments. So nothing ever changes except when it gets worse…. So QUESTION???

The last situation was, me off my psych meds for like 4 days and that alone is my head going a million miles a min, so I’m a basket case anyways. My aunt had passed away, so it’s the day before her memorial. We were close, I took care of her, up until about a year ago and her son was able to get them a place. Anyways, so the day before my husband happens on on some xans and they help tremendously when my psych meds are missed, and I had a really bad week so I was in between scripts, so for starters he ask where I put them said he was gonna get two of them then leaves with all of them, with me going through what I was, and him to do that, it made me feel like he could give two fucks about me. So if that wasn’t enough he doesn’t get home til after 3 in the morning. I mean it’s everything before me always. I’m done I can’t even finish this story I just want to be able to let it go!!! I can’t do this anymore….. he’s evil I couldn’t treat my worst enemy as shitty as he does me at times. I’m drown to him anymore, I don’t want to be drown to him anymore. I just want it to be over!!!

So true!

I’ve been almost a week without him. He made it look so easy to walk away. I’m not sure if I ever meant anything to him at all, at this point I don’t want to know. I just want to forget about him. Close that chapter in my life. I’ve been through this like 3 times, the other 2 men both ended up regretting their disicissions, so not only did I have to get over them, then after I was at the point of over it and no more pain, then I had to be the one that said no when they want to try again. That whole not knowing what you have til it’s gone is bullshit. When something is special to me it doesn’t just get old. Some people want to have that moment to see someone that hurt them, hurt. I don’t want to see anyone hurt... I don’t want him to ever want me back. I’m just ready to be over this and feel better!

“Forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”

— Unknown (via thoughtkick)

Jus keeping it real

If you wanna do you ima do me!

This is so true!

Why?

“You held me underwater and asked me why I could not breathe.”

— E. Grin, toxic. (via thoughtkick)

Idk what to do! I need to figure so many things out. Time is flying by, I want happiness for the both of us wether it’s together or not