“I Want To Fall In Love With Every Single Piece Of You, The Soft Ones ,but Also The Hard Ones. I Want

4AM THOUGHTS

feeling very inspired right now. I woke up at 3am randomly but i remembered that i hadn’t listened to Meek Mill’s new album yet so i got out of bed (while trying not to wake my daughter) and went to the bathroom to listen. and i listened to every word all the way thru and it left me inspired writing this at 4am. I also read this article about things i should avoid as an aspiring artist and i realized i do 3 out of the 5 things. Holding my work hostage, Not Being social enough, and finishing my Art halfway and then abandoning it. I gotta work on these things.

The whole “being social” thing was never my thing but lately i have been making attempts to do so, sometimes i’m left disappointed and others i am left surprised! It’s cool when you meet another creative who can relate to most of the things you go thru. As Far as finishing my Art goes.. i tend to not finish my art when someone doesn’t feel the same way about it as i do. I tell myself “ok well this isn’t worth anymore of my time, thank you.. next” (lol i like that song) And then i start on something new and repeat the same thing. Fun fact tho… i remember playing “Don’t” for like 5 people before it came out and nobody liked it how i liked it. So i deleted it from soundcloud. lol Shit as a matter of fact i remember when i played my first album Trapsoul to Fader and a couple of other Blogs or whatever and it was straight crickets in the room. 🦗🦗🦗i was like wow this shit is trash lol

Anyway, i know this is getting kinda lengthy but i say all of that to say this… believe in your “trash”.

Ok 4am Thoughts end now, gotta take Harley to school in a few hours. 💤💤💤

03.02.2018

The rain, to make less differences among the ones I love.

Insufficient

I loved you. maybe still do, who knows? maybe it hurts me to think I still love and care for you when the feeling may or may not be mutual on your side.

It hurts to know I gave you my all for the time it lasted, I poured all my love and affection to you as you undoubtedly continued to mourn for her. was I not enough? what was it she had and I didn't ? was my smile not attractive enough? was my hair not long enough? all I wanted was to enjoy sleepless nights in your embrace but I guess that was not in your plans. the effort was way too much for you to put in. does it even hurt you that we're no longer one. does my absence not affect you? was it even real... I mean what we had was it real? or was it merely a distraction for you to forget her? I guess I'll never know.

sorry for documenting my suffering and delusions online do you still think im hot

““Surely you must know,” she whispered. “Surely you know, it’s written all over me. Subconsciously, controlling every action, every smile, every touch, you always pull me closer and I am more visible with each passing second we spend together.””

— Surely you know, how awfully in love I am with you.

What I feel for you can’t be conveyed in phrasal combinations; It either screams out loud or stays painfully silent but I promise — it beats words. It beats worlds. I promise.

Katherine Mansfield (via quotemadness)

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, from a letter to Arthur Davison Ficke

Purpose

There’s a certain life I envision for myself

Often times I lose sight of it

I forget it

I come back to reality, neglecting my beloved dreamer self, the Pisces moon in me

I am a dreamer

An enthusiastic one

Often times I get lost in my own enthusiasm

In my passions and aspirations

In my love for self

A love for self that has taken years of mastery and of which is a constant work in progress

I want to live a life of serving my higher self and the universe itself

This excites me like nothing else ever has

This is not to say I don’t fear it’s unraveling and the mere thought of it not becoming a reality

This fear stems from limiting beliefs

But God, do I promise myself to not make the mistakes I witness others making

Neglecting thyselves to live their own lives through the image of others

God forbid !

I choose me. And I vow to always choose me.