Eleventofour - Y/n

It's just empathy. It's probably just empathy.

I see him hurting, and I feel hurt too. More specifically, I feel hurt that I had hurt him.

I wasted away the tiny bit of trust he had on me. I diminished the spark we had. I shattered the rose-tinted glasses. I wanted to become his warming sun, but ended up as the one burning him down.

No matter how many times I can say sorry, no matter how many roses I can give him, and no matter the physical favors I can present to him, it just won't be the same.

I never really ask people to forgive me. Being forgiven or not, I still made them hurt. I also hurt because of that, and I hurt even more because of the fact that I'm so selfish that I get hurt because I made other people hurt. I always make it about me.

What a horrible person I am.

I should be gone for good, but that wouldn't undo the pain and burden I had inflicted on others. I should live on in agony and suffering so that I would feel as hurt as they were.

But that would be selfish.

What if other people notice it? What if people notice that I live in constant self-hatred and self-harm that they start to get concerned? Wait, that's asking for too much.

I can't help it, I'm just another selfish being. Writing this also makes me selfish. I'm typing this like I'm the most miserable person on earth, right?

SMUT WORDS

A- Abdomen, Ablaze, Ache,  Acute, Ass, Adore, Absorb, Admire, Arousal, Aroused, Apex, Amorousness, Affection, Appreciation, Adulation, Ardency, Ardor, Afternoon Delight, Anal, Anal Beads, Arousing, Attract, Admiration, Adulate, Adonis, Adoration, Adrenaline, Adorn, Approval, Affinity, Afire, Agape, Aggravate, Aggressive, Agile, Allure, Angel, Aphrodisiac, Arch, Aroma, Ascend, Ascendant, Amatory, Alluring, Affectionate, Aching, Animalistic

B- Breasts, Boobs, Butt, Beloved, Burst, Bottom-Out, Balls-deep, Brain, Bite, Benevolence, Boner, Bare, Baby, Baby-Girl, Butt Plug, Bang, Bone, Bob, Brush, Burn, Burrow, Bury, Beautiful, Bare, Bruised

C- Caress, Cock, Cunt, Clench, Clit, Cherish, Comfort, Cuddle, Coddle, Cum, Creampie, Curve, Curl, Climax, Copulate, Choke, Coarse, Chapped, Cock-Slut, Cuddly,  Captivate, Carnal, Copulate, Cup, Clasp, Cling, Cradle, Cry, Cute, Charming, Caring, Cum-Slut, Capitulation, Captivating, Come-hither, Core

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Planets in the houses II

═ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══ Jupiter in the houses ═ ∘◦❁◦∘ ═

1st house || 2nd house || 3rd house || 4th house || 5th house || 6th house || 7th house || 8th house || 9th house || 10th house || 11th house || 12th house

───────────────✧────────────

═ ∘◦❁◦∘ ═ Saturn in the houses ═ ∘◦❁◦∘ ═

1st house || 2nd house || 3rd house || 4th house || 5th house || 6th house || 7th house || 8th house || 9th house || 10th house || 11th house || 12th house

──────────────✧─────────────

═ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══ Uranus in the houses ══ ∘◦❁◦∘ ═

1st house || 2nd house || 3rd house || 4th house || 5th house || 6th house || 7th house || 8th house || 9th house || 10th house || 11th house || 12th house

──────────────✧─────────────

═ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══ Neptune in the houses ═ ∘◦❁◦∘

1st house || 2nd house || 3rd house || 4th house || 5th house || 6th house || 7th house || 8th house || 9th house || 10th house || 11th house || 12th house

──────────────✧─────────────

═ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══ Pluto in the houses ══ ∘◦❁◦∘ ═

1st house || 2nd house || 3rd house || 4th house || 5th house || 6th house || 7th house || 8th house || 9th house || 10th house || 11th house || 12th house

──────────────✧─────────────

we are so back (relapsing)

House Significations

1st House: Head/ face/ physical body, eyes and smile. Our identity. Others perception of us. Our birth. Birth marks/ moles and scars. Character. Perspective/ outlook. Beginnings. Ego

2nd House: Throat/ neck/ voice. Resources and personal values. Physical possessions. Self-esteem. Money/ income. Security. Cultivation. Substance

3rd House: Arms/ shoulders and hands. Communication style. Primary school. Reading/ writing. Intellect. Siblings and cousins. Immediate communities. Transportation

4th House: Chest/ breasts/ stomach. Family/ ancestors. Roots/ traditions. Private life. Home. Domesticity. Mother/ care taker. Foundations. Heritage. Comfort/ relaxation

5th House: Heart/ Spine/ Solar Plexus. Pleasure. Creativity. Romance. Children/ first born child. Self-expression. Humor. Leisure/ entertainment

6th House: Digestive system/ intestines: Healthcare/ wellness. Daily routines. Known enemies. Employment/ skills. Coworkers. Consistency. Strength/ courage

7th House: Urinary tract/ kidneys/ bladder. 1-on-1 relationships. Business partners. Marriage partners. Contracts/ commitments. Compromise. People/ things we attract and are attracted to

8th House: Reproductive system/ genitals/ anus. Secrets/ lies. Death. Judgement. Transformation. Debts/ taxes. Shared resources. Conscious fears. Instincts/ intuition. Occultism

9th House: Hips/ thighs/ liver. Ideology/ philosophy. Long distance travels. Expansion/ exploration. Knowledge. Spirituality. Foreign affairs. Belief systems. Culture

10th House: Bones/ skeleton/ teeth/ skin. Reputation. Public image. Occupation. Focus/ ambition/ motivation. Professional self. Government. Authority. Father figure

11th House: Circulatory system/ veins/ calves/ ankles. Group efforts/ charity. Friendship. Gifts/ help from others. Innovation. Technology. Social work. Wistfulness. Acquaintances

12th House: Feet/ lymph nodes. Institutions. Unconsciousness. Nightmares/ dreams. Psychic abilities. Karma. Self-undoing. Fears. Privacy/ refuge. Peace. Forgiveness

i feel like someone dead pretending to be alive