Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Crack

ok as amazing as Twilight of Apprentice was how funny would it have been if Ahsoka was just beyond done with Anakin’s bullshit™ and just screamed “FUCK OFF SKYGUY” everytime she saw Vader

“The man you knew as Anakin Skywalker is de-”

“Cut the shit, Anakin, I know it’s you. You just flew in standing on top of your TIE fighter and there’s only one fucker in the galaxy who’s that extra”

Random clone from the 501st: It’s amazing how stupid Jedi are tho? Like?? I watch General Skywalker?? Just eat an entire ration bar?? Without taking off the packaging?

Other 501st: Yeah. Ahsoka keeps sleeping under the hot coils in the engine room because her room isn’t warm enough. You know, she could just put some more clothes on?? But I guess not.

212th clone: Sometimes General Kenobi stays awake for like 10 days straight and has to be bribed to sleep. Also that incident where he ate nothing but toast for two months straight and gave himself scurvy.

Clones from literally any other squadron ever: Hey, um, wtf?

trying to prove a point to the boys at school

reblog this if you believe trans men are real men like this if you dont

after getting fed up of hearing sokka gently implore zuko to consider “using logic and reason to solve his problems” for the umpteenth time, zuko decides that instead of actually giving serious consideration to this all but impossible advice, he will simply name his swords Logic and Reason, and that’s that problem solved. sokka’s only response is to roll his eyes and deadpan, “wow, I bet you think you’re very clever.”

of course, zuko does think he’s very clever, and so he brags about it in a letter to katara, who finds it equally hilarious. and when the time comes for sokka to make the same plea to katara (which doesn’t take long, mind you) she just says, “but I already do solve all my problems with logic and reason,” and holds up two fists. sokka is even less impressed the second time around, because it’s not even an original joke.

and then suki gets involved. meet her fans, Logic and Reason. and toph’s two giant boulders, which, when she crushes them together, create the center at which ideas meet. not to mention mai’s knives, among which are Thinking Things Through, Rationality, and Common Sense.

it is one day that azula laments that she wishes people would employ logic & reason more often and sokka, sick to death of this joke that was barely funny the first time, goes “oh, let me guess, they’re these two giant bodyguards who shoot lava out of their hands.” and azula’s just like “no wtf??? it’s the process of using critical thinking to make decisions????”

sokka’s like “really?? it’s not the tiny knives in your hair or various poisons or anything like that???” and azula seems genuinely concerned that he’s hit his head on a very hard surface. at which point sokka must acquiesce to the fact that azula might be his sole ally in this matter, which truly defies all logic and reason.

some sort of love poem

Rey: OK, time to go through all that stuff I stole out of that tree. [picking up a VHS tape] “Get to Know The Jedi Order”. Hmm. Seems as good a place to start as any.   [puts it into a tape player on the Falcon]  Mace Windu: [walking in the Room of a Thousand Fountains] Hi. I’m Mace Windu, Jedi Master. Thank you for your purchase of this informative holo cassette tape about the Jedi Order. We’re glad you’ve taken an interest in learning more about our unique way of life. Many people wonder what life in our Temple is like. We invite you [awkwardly gestures] to join me and find out for yourself.  [shot of the cafeteria]  Mace: [voiceover] We begin our day like many beings: with a morning meal. It isn’t easy to meet the dietary needs of so many different species! Ahsoka: [eating a giant raw steak with her bare hands]  Obi-Wan: [lost in thought, writing something on a datapad, surrounded by 15 empty cups of caf and drinking another one]  Mace: [standing in the dojo while Anakin and Obi-Wan spar] For many Jedi, meditation, yoga, or even combat practice might be a part of their morning. But don’t worry – training sabers ensure that no one gets hurt.  Anakin: [getting slapped in the ass with a training saber and giggling like an idiot] Ooh, that’s it! You’re mine! Mace: [looking uncomfortable, then forcing a smile] Yes, we have fun here. [Quinlan Vos and Jocasta Nu, standing in the Archives and animatedly arguing, unaware they’re on film] Mace: [voiceover] As perhaps the galaxy’s biggest family, camaraderie is a cornerstone of the Jedi Order. We often work together to help one another learn the ways of the Force, using materials from our famous Archives.  Jocasta: The sign clearly states no food or drink in the archives, Master Vos!  Quinlan: [mouth full, crumbs everywhere] I wasn’t eating anything!  Jocasta: I can see you chewing! [reaches forward and tries to pry his mouth open] I’ll have you banned for life! Mace: [blocking them from the camera] Heh. Yes, we also often learn by engaging in spirited debate with one another.  Shaak Ti: [off camera] We’ll cut this part later.  Mace: [nods at the camera] 

Mace: Our Order is fortunate to benefit from the wisdom of many Jedi elders. Master Yoda, our Grandmaster, is over 800 years old. Jedi often find solace in his gentle, tranquil presence and quiet dignity. Yoda: [in a room full of younglings, clearly teaching them how to launch themselves onto the ceiling] With more panache, young one! Sell the leap, you must!  [a small child goes ricocheting around the room]   Mace: [to someone off-camera] We should have rehearsed this more. 

Mace: [in the Senate building] Many Jedi regularly interact with our important partners in the Senate, helping politicians across the galaxy maintain peace in their worlds. [turning to Bail Organa] Like my friend here, Senator Organa of Alderaan.  Bail: [shaking his hand stiffly, over-rehearsed] Here’s to another great day of protecting democracy, Master Windu. [cheesy smile]  Palpatine: [behind them, smirking at the camera as he walks by]  

[exterior shot of the Temple at night]  Mace: [walking down a hallway] A Jedi’s life requires absolute mental focus and physical fitness. So, you’ll often find us turning in early after a productive day for a good night’s sleep. Our hallowed halls, bustling and noisy during the day, are silent as our Jedi rest up.  [Obi-Wan, inebriated, fumbling with his keys in the background] Obi-Wan: [exaggerated whisper] SHHHH AN’KIN. His, he’s, he’s doing the thing. The program. [snickering] Stop doing that. Anakin: [totally trashed, falling all over Obi-Wan] Who, who is? Who’s…what thing? [lowering his voice] You’ve got real nice hair…  Mace: [to the camera, hastily] I, I hope you’ve enjoyed this chance to learn more about the Jedi…Jedi Order. [shoving Obi-Wan and Anakin into their quarters] Thank you for joining me, and may the Force be with you. [forces a final smile] [breaking character] For kriff’s sake, can we have one normal damned day around here? Force! Well, we’re out of money so that’ll have to be good enough, I guess. Don’t leave this last part in there. 

[fade to black]  

[credits roll] 

Rey: [turning off the screen] …oh. 

I am not less. I am more.

anyway i was reading star wars fics and obvs i got inspired and i wrote a lil and i want to post the preview under the cut so, uh, here?

(force ghosts and rey skywalker abound!)

Keep reading

The Official Jedi view on politics is that they try not to interfere and do not trust politicians, but if they are running out of options on how to settle an issue they will tell Padme Amidala what is going on and just unleash her onto their problems

The fact that Snape is one of the youngest if not THE youngest professor is fucking hilarious.