Random Clone From The 501st: It’s Amazing How Stupid Jedi Are Tho? Like?? I Watch General Skywalker??

okay i know Hardeen was a Terrible arc for everyone involved, but what if Obi Wan had told Anakin about faking his death? Anakin’s like no worries dude I Got This, except he really. does not,,

the only reason his “acting” is remotely believable is because almost no one has seen him like this before, so it must be due to all the grief and loss and heartbreak and anger and whatnot

he starts by sobbing over Obi Wan’s supposedly dead body for a solid two hours when Obi gets shot down. “LOOK at him, so cold and Lifeless. D: HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE WARM AND FULL OF LIFE, SNIPS. I know last week I checked his pulse because he was meditating so calmly I thought he passed away in his sleep, BUT HE’S USUALLY SO WARM AND FULL OF LIFE.”

It goes on until Anakin has finished everything on his painstakingly written Outline from last night. At least half of Coruscant hears part of this speech. Mace sends Obi the security footage later, at a time he knows Anakin will be there to sit through it with Obi, because if we had to suffer then you do too, Obi Wan. 

then at the funeral, Anakin pulls out a twenty foot scroll of real actual paper, because he would appreciate this, I think, and clears his throat loudly and messily before telling the council that he has prepared a few words for the greatest jedi this order, nay, this GALAXY has ever seen, and will ever see, no matter how long any of us live—

five hours later,, he’s still going strong. half the eulogy is Terrible and V Cringeworthy, but the other half is actually v heartfelt and moving. even Mace and Yoda have to blink away some tears. 

it becomes easier after Anakin starts going into Unnecessary Details about obi wan’s life, like how he’ll miss holding onto those heavy 327 thread count woolen robes when he’s saving obi’s ass (curvature 48.5 degrees) for the 23094th time, and how he’ll never see a more sincere expression of Compassion than he saw when reading line 83 of Obi Wan’s eighth letter to Duchess Satine last month, quoted now as follows— 

Ahsoka enlists Plo Koon’s help and they finally shuffle him over to the side, promising him they can finish his fake eulogy at the council dinner tonight. Obi Wan’s death may be fake, but MY WORDS ARE REAL, SNIPS, HOW DARE YOU. says Anakin, before he (a little gleefully) starts destroying the walls to show how Emotionally Compromised he is over this 100% real death. 

he takes the 212th drinking, after having told all of them, too. so now there are 293637 men crying about Obi Wan (relatable af, y/y), all of which have the acting talent of a wilted blade of grass. there are 283747 toasts, and every single person there cries for each and every one of them, despite everyone knowing obi is still alive

Hunger Games didn’t really eat holes in my brain the way that it did for some other people but god the opening lines. The opening lines. Katniss wakes up in bed and immediately, instinctively reaches beside her, only to find the bed empty and cold. Before we even know her name – before we know literally anything about her or this world or her place in that world – we know that she loves someone. We know that she is reaching for where Prim should be, sleeping safe and warm beside her, but Prim is not there. She is not there, and her half of the bed is cold and empty. People talk about characters being “doomed by the narrative” when most of the time the character was literally just a well-foreshadowed death, but Prim WAS doomed by the narrative. It’s the very first thing we learned. It’s the most key, integral, important piece of information we’re given about everything that is about to happen: Every single choice Katniss makes is to protect her little sister, and it isn’t enough. In the end, Prim still dies. Prim was dead before the story even started. Katniss, reaching. Prim’s side of the bed was cold and empty. There is no version of this story where Prim could have been saved. Katniss, reaching. The very first thing she does in the series. She wakes, and she reaches, but Prim is already gone. THAT is how you do Doomed By The Narrative. Edit: Also it is key that there was literally nothing Katniss could have done differently. If she had not acted to save Prim, Prim would not have survived the Hunger Games. But by acting to save Prim, Katniss accidentally kicked off an entire rebellion and ultimately massively increased the amount of danger Prim was actually in. The key is that this is irrelevant. If Katniss had done literally anything differently, Prim still would have died. If Katniss had faltered or changed course at any point, Prim still would have died. There was never a point where Katniss could have changed Prim’s fate. There’s no version of this story where Prim lives to see the end of it. She’s dead before the story begins. That’s doomed by the narrative.

https://ashes-and-ashes-dust-and-dust.tumblr.com/post/183716349959/so-i-just-reread-the-entire-percy-jackson-series

Ugh because I like torturing myself, let’s keep going on this tangent.

Imagine afterwards. The magical campfire, the one that amplifies all positive emotions suddenly goes out. For the first time in almost 300 years, it just…extinguishes.

Nico is the first to leave. How can he explain it to the others, what Jason meant to him? How can he explain Cupid and the running and the hiding? He’s never been good with feelings, never been good with others, and so he just turns on his heel and leaves. Walks straight into the forest, not even bothering to bring any protection with him. Will follows him a moment after, because he known Nico and he knows that if he didn’t go with him, Nico might not come back out.

Frank is the one who has to make the call to Reyna. He stands in the stall, feeds the Drachma through and waits. Everything is still so horribly clear, burning through his head, and it takes less then a minute before the call is patched through.

It hurts. Reyna seems so much happier now, an easy smile on her face as she sits down. “Any news from the Greeks?” she asks. “Oh, that reminds me, I need you to verify these temple plans that Jason sent over…”

She trails off as she sees the look on Frank’s face. “Is everything alright…?”

Frank closes his eyes. Opens his mouth. Tells her everything.

When he’s down, Reyna is motionless. Her face has turned to stone, perfectly still as she sits on purple couch. It’s one of the things Frank always admired about her, the way she was able to shut down her emotions, create that mask of marble that nothing can penetrate.

There’s a silence, echoing and haunting, Reyna so, so still. She tilts her head, closed her eyes, then with a sudden movement, hurls a dagger into the wall. It sticks cleanly, quivering through the wood, and she’s stalked out of the tent before Frank can say anything else.

He ends the call, grimacing, the pain in his chest growing as he stares at the wooden wall in front of him.

Piper lies on her bed and screams.

She’s been screaming for hours, days even, because it’s so goddamn unfair. She’s saved the world, out the Earth Mother to sleep, risked her life and her family’s life, done everything she fucking could go protect everyone, and the fucking Gods couldn’t even give her Jason.

So she lies there, and she screams and screams and screams, and when she finally stops, Drew Tanaka comes over and purses her lips. “Well,” she says. “He was a hero. Heroes die young.”

And Piper snaps.

It takes the whole Aphrodite cabin plus half of the Ares cabin to pull her off of Drew. She’s clawing and biting, throwing punches and roaring and Lacey is holding her back and Drew is unconscious on the ground and there is blood everywhere. Someone is stroking her, holding her back and she can dimly hear someone say, “Yeah, she was one of the 7 heroes.”

The words burn, deep inside of her, and Piper is falling as she screams with all the rage and anger and magic inside of her “I DON’T WANT TO BE A HERO. I NEVER FUCKING WANTED TO BE ONE.”

She can hear gasps, feels something getting stuck into her arm, but Piper is beyond caring as she lets herself fade into the darkness.

Annabeth makes the call to Thalia.

She sits, crossed legged on the ground, cradling the phone in her lap. Hazel sits next to her, face still blank with shock, and they listen to the dial tone ring.

When Thalia picks up, Annabeth closes her eyes. Tells her that her little brother is dead.

There’s a pause, an absolute silence. Annabeth closes her eyes, because she knows Thalia, knows the rage sorrow that surely was flowing through her now -

Thalia howls.

An echoing, agonized scream, the sound of someone who was the only one left. A wordless cry because how can you explain loss like that? How can you keep on taking, keep on stealing, keep on ripping everything away and not expect someone to fall apart? Hazel bursts into tears at that, and Thalia is stil screaming and all Annabeth can do is close her eyes and cry.

Leo sits on the beach.

He’s curled into a ball, buried into the sand and he keeps expecting Jason to come, keeps expecting him to soar through the stars and land.

Because he can’t be dead, can he? He couldn’t be dead, not after all they went through.

Leo squeezes the sand, lets it seep through his fingers. He spent his whole life building, sacrificed his life to stop Gaia, sacrificed his life so that the others didn’t have to do the same and no it was all meaningless.

They all had paid. Over and over again, they had paid and it still wasn’t enough.

The flames erupt now, fast and sudden, so hot that Leo can feel the skin on his hand start to blister and burn. He can’t do anything about the flames though, just lets it burn and burn and burn until everything turns to glass.

When he opens his eyes, the glass in his hand has solidified, turned to an opaque sphere. Leo just stands, and shatters it on the rocks.

Will finds Nico kneeling in the forest.

It’s difficult. He’s never really known the Son of Jupiter, beyond the occasional hellos and goodbyes. He can’t even remember the last time they talked - something about Apollo and Prophecies and Delphi.

But he knows. Nico told him once, when the nightmares were bad, about ruins and Jason and the god of love. Will’s never felt like that, brittle and thin and stretched to the breaking point, but he understands his boyfriend’s pain.

He comes up behind Nico, wraps his arms around him. He’s trembling, deathly cold, and Will closes his eyes.

When the bones erupt around him, Will stiffens, but doesn’t let go. He jut holds Nico tighter, lets his tears fall onto the ground, and lets the skeletons form a dome around them.

Hazel sits next to Frank.

They are both numb. Both in shock. They can’t do anything but sit next to each other, weapons clinking funky against the log. They had both grown up with the stories, of Jason, the Hero, the Praetor of New Rome.

He had become that, again. Nothing more then a story now, someone who only lived inside of them.

Hazel hated it.

What was the point of being a hero, if you couldn’t even save the people you loved? What was the point of trying, when everything was ripped away.

She thought they were safe. She had never been more wrong.

Percy was furious.

He slams his sword into the monster over and over again, until his fists are bruised and bleeding. He’s covered in dust, enough to turn his skin white and his hair lighter, so that if he turns quickly enough the glimpse in the mirror almost looks like him.

He didn’t know how many monsters he killed - 50, 60, 70. Enough that he was choking on it, choking on air, choking on the hate that was welling up inside of him and refused to disappear.

He always used to wonder who the strongest hero was. Always used to wonder if they would ever find out, him and Jason, if there would ever be a war where they would be on opposite sides. He supposed he’d never know now.

And then he’s screaming, his sword clutched in his hand and he knows, he knows that nothing will bring Jason back but he can damn well try, and Percy thinks that he’d do it, he’d rip down the world and drown it, he’d fight the gods themselves if it meant that his friends could live in peace.

Percy wipes his sword, the blood soaking through the orange of his shirt and heads off to find more to kill.

Personally, I find it hilarious that Chewbacca is older than Palpatine.

Don’t let them bury me as someone I’m not.

Padme “no concept of my own mortality” Amidala teaming up with Anakin “no impulse control” Skywalker to catch her own assassin. There’s no way this can go wrong

Clark: So what do all of your sidekicks bring to the table

Bruce:?

Hal: Yeah, what is all their specialties? Something tells me you dont keep them around for the comapny.

Bruce: Well Nightwing is the worlds best acrobat. Oracle is one of the worlds best hackers. Red Hood is a marksman. Red Robin is the world's second best detective, while Orphan is one of the worlds best trained fighters. Robin is my biological son so theres not really a choice there anyway. Does that suffice Jordan?

Hal: What about the other one?

Bruce: Signal is on daytime patrol, so he was preoccupied.

Hal: No the other other one

Bruce: My gay, army trained cousin?

Clark: I think he means the purple one raiding our breakfast buffet

Bruce: Oh

Bruce: She's moral support

hello :) i’m back 

family drama

Jason: [bursting into room, Damian in his arms, anguished] It’s a violent case of hiccups! Will he live, Doc?

Damian: [kicking] Let–hic–go–hic–Todd!

Dick: [drops everything, becomes very solumn, ear to Damian’s heart] He needs medicine badly. Nurse!

Tim: [salutes and grabs water bottle] Of course sir, right away sir!

Dick: Hold him down.

Jason: You got it.

Damian: [struggling] I’m–hic–going–hic–to hang you–hic–from your–hic–thumbs!

Dick: [stonily] Grab his nose, Nurse.

Tim: He’ll bite me, sir.

Dick: Get yourself together, man! Are you a goddamn nurse or not?

Tim: Aye aye, sir! [pinches Damian’s nose]

Damian: [voice muffled] Hang–hic–you above–hic–PIRANHAS–hic!

Jason: The patient is delusional!

Tim: Hurry, doctor!

Dick: [squirts water bottle into Damian’s mouth] LET US CAST OUT THIS ILLNESS!

Damian: [angry gargling]

Jason: AGAIN!

Dick: [squirts eight times in sequence]

Damian: [choking]

Tim: Best to put him out of his misery, doc

Dick: Keep hope, nurse!

Damian: [sputtering] I DESPISE ALL OF YOU!

Jason: He is healed!

All three: Hallelujah!

All three: [parade to Bruce’s study singing hymns, burst in and drop Damian in Bruce’s lap] THE POWER OF MODERN MEDICINE!

Bruce: [looks at boys]

Bruce: [looks at Damian]

Bruce: Why is your brother soaking wet?

Dick, Jason, Tim:

Damian: Hic!

Dick, Jason, Tim: [pounce]

Damian: [latching onto Bruce like a spider monkey] FATHER NO HELP ME

Bruce:

Bruce:

Bruce: I’m changing Robin’s uniform to neon pink.

Damian: [gapes]

Damian: [softly, full of loathing] I will disown you.

Bruce: Are your hiccups gone?

Damian: I will not have it! Do you hear me? I will not!

Dick: His hiccups are gone.

Damian: Neon pink doesn’t camouflage well into the night, I couldn’t–

Tim: What, and red, green, and yellow do?

Damian: SHUT UP DRAKE THIS DOESN’T INVOLVE YOU

Bruce: [nods wisely] Alternative medicine.

“comes back wrong”, what a hot trope. incredibly sexy.