Inspired By X

after getting fed up of hearing sokka gently implore zuko to consider “using logic and reason to solve his problems” for the umpteenth time, zuko decides that instead of actually giving serious consideration to this all but impossible advice, he will simply name his swords Logic and Reason, and that’s that problem solved. sokka’s only response is to roll his eyes and deadpan, “wow, I bet you think you’re very clever.”

of course, zuko does think he’s very clever, and so he brags about it in a letter to katara, who finds it equally hilarious. and when the time comes for sokka to make the same plea to katara (which doesn’t take long, mind you) she just says, “but I already do solve all my problems with logic and reason,” and holds up two fists. sokka is even less impressed the second time around, because it’s not even an original joke.

and then suki gets involved. meet her fans, Logic and Reason. and toph’s two giant boulders, which, when she crushes them together, create the center at which ideas meet. not to mention mai’s knives, among which are Thinking Things Through, Rationality, and Common Sense.

it is one day that azula laments that she wishes people would employ logic & reason more often and sokka, sick to death of this joke that was barely funny the first time, goes “oh, let me guess, they’re these two giant bodyguards who shoot lava out of their hands.” and azula’s just like “no wtf??? it’s the process of using critical thinking to make decisions????”

sokka’s like “really?? it’s not the tiny knives in your hair or various poisons or anything like that???” and azula seems genuinely concerned that he’s hit his head on a very hard surface. at which point sokka must acquiesce to the fact that azula might be his sole ally in this matter, which truly defies all logic and reason.

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

they are i m your man by mitski coded so i m obligated to be unwell about them

House md is such a trip because House and Wilson are standing cock to cock, tip to tip, packer to packer, emotionally and physically. House's employees have a polyamorous codependent relationship while also being at each other's throats constantly. Foreman's so represssed they think he's gay, Chase is so sexually active that he can't possibly be straight, Taub and Kutner scissored, Cameron's probably gay but she has a job to do so she isn't going to think about it too hard, Thirteen is bisexual and went to jail once. Everyone has used drugs recreationally at least once. They break into everyone's home then insult the state of their home and then diagnose the patient based on a "That's so Raven" vision that House has. They shouldn't have been doctors, they would all thrive better as Waffle house employees that leap over the counter to fight customers.

kevin, helping aaron get ready for his trial: i would like to represent my client’s internet search history from that evening

aaron, leaning into the fake mic: i’d rather just confess to the murder

Okay, so like, instead of that incredibly OOC for everyone involved piece of shit Battle for the Cowl storyline, what SHOULD have happened in my EXPERT opinion is they all start fighting for it, whatever, fine, but then Dick is like, fuck it, who even cares, let’s just all be Batman. Except for Damian, because you’re short and wee so you’re stuck with Robin, sorry kiddo.

To which Damian, naturally, would snarl: How DARE you, Grayson, I AM THE blah blah blah, but then everyone points out that the Robin costumes are literally the only ones that fit him and its not like he knows how to sew, and he’s welcome to TRY threatening/blackmailing/bribing Alfred into making him a pint-sized Batman costume, but like……lol. Yeah. Sure.

And so Dick AND Jason AND Tim AND Cass because she exists, fuck you BftC, are ALL Batman. Yes, even Cass. Jason’s all, shouldn’t you call yourself Batwoman? And Cass just stares at him, dead-eye, and says I don’t want to. And I mean, nobody’s dumb enough to argue with Cass so its like alright, there are four Batmen now. Batmans? Whatever.

And it just confuses the ever loving FUCK out of the Gotham underworld and Rogues, because you’ve got a laughing Batman who freaking PUNS and a trigger-happy shooting Batman and a short Batman who talks and acts just like the real deal except WHY IS HE SO SHORT and a freakily silent Batman who just fucking APPEARS right next to your elbow more quiet and creepily than even the original one ever managed and two seconds later you’re down for the count and you don’t even know what the fuck just happened.

And in the dark, with them all dressed alike, crouching at just the right angles that its almost impossible to tell at a first glance how tall or built they each are, these four Batmen are just freaking EVERYWHERE and you run into one and its like gdi I’m so fucked but I gotta wait til they stand up or say something to figure out just HOW fucked I am cuz like, please let it be any of them but the Batman with guns and then its the freakily silent Batman and you’re like WAIT OH FUCK I CHANGED MY MIND GIMME THE SHOOTY BATMAN I WANT THE SHOOTY BATMAN!

And also, the only thing that’s ever really successfully bonded the Batkids in the past is the opportunity to fuck with people, so eventually, sometimes they start mixing it up and imitating each other’s styles just to REALLY mess with peoples’ heads, with Jason randomly cracking puns so they’re like oh phew, its the laughing Batman, and then Jason’s like LMFAO NOPE and whips out a grenade. And Dick actually CAN be quiet when he wants to, so he pretends to be the freakily silent Batman and just fucking APPEARS in a warehouse full of gunrunners and whispers “Boo” and then he just laughs his ass off when they all run screaming out the door, where Stabby Robin is waiting with his katana. 

And on and on it goes until nobody knows up from down or left from right and you’ve got guys just laying down their weapons and sobbing I give up, like just at the SIGHT of any of them, because they’re so fucking confused and they’re like, maybe I can at least spare myself the headache of trying to figure out who the hell I’m even dealing with this time, look, I’m fucked no matter what anyway so what’s even the point.

And then finally Bruce comes back ‘from the dead’ or whatever that was, I stopped paying attention, something something time travel bat god Darkseid omega energy blah blah who cares.

And he’s figuring Dick has been Batman while he’s gone so he starts trying to get all caught up based off that assumption and THAT goes off the fucking rails pretty damn quick, and eventually he’s just scrolling through files on the Batcomputer like….wut?

And that’s when the kids all roar back in from patrol on and in their varying Bat-vehicles, to the sight of their supposedly dead father, and they’re all like….wut?

And Bruce stares at four different Batman and a four foot Robin who’s basically 75% ominous scowl and 25% bladed weaponry, and he’s like….wut?

And then Alfred comes down the stairs into the Batcave and stops and stares and is like, oh, my word. Y’know, all British-ish and stuff.

And then there are five Batmen.

It does not get less confusing for Gotham after that. 

I just can never get enough of Shen Wei’s wavering control when it comes to Zhao Yunlan

(I got Zhen Hun vol 1 and I read it in three hours I was so excited)

Like, Shen Wei is so obviously obsessed. He stares at Yunlan constantly (as long as Yunlan is not looking). He can’t help but to look back when he leaves Yunlan. Yunlan is sick and Shen Wei helps him home, basically tucks him into bed, and cleans his entire apartment. Shen Wei is absolutely the type of person to smell Yunlan’s clothes-

But my favourite scene is definitely when Shen Wei helps Yunlan drink. Because he does very well! He and Yunlan drink an alcoholic under the table, and Yunlan is really only tipsy, meaning either Shen Wei did all the heavy lifting or Yunlan’s liver is inhumanly quick.

And with being drunk comes Shen Wei completely losing his last threads of sanity. He is a being born from darkness whose hunger can never be sated, and good golly it shows. Him basically trying to eat Yunlan has always been a highlight. The moment Yunlan shows resistance (full resistance instead of just hesitance), Shen Wei full on unpossesses his own body.

I’m fully convinced (I wasn’t on my first two reads, but I am now) that Shen Wei unpossessed himself. He is so talented. His entire body shuts down, Yunlan of course fucking panics, and Yunlan takes three tries to literally summon Shen Wei’s soul back. Man just unpossessed his own body. The body that he is attached to. Shen Wei has never stolen a body, this one is just his, and he manages to unpossess it.

It’s so great. Yunlan told him to stop and, like, he did. He really, really did. He stopped his heart beating and himself breathing and literally being in his own body. 10/10, Shen Wei is so good at following directions.

Yunlan, upon realizing that Shen Wei is the super intimidating, ominously cloaked figure who literally everyone on his team is fucking terrified of and who has worked with him for years and has only been sort of (very) obsessive over Zhao Yunlan: “I should probably stop flirting with him, because it’s a bit awkward.”

Yunlan, approximately five seconds later: “You threw yourself at me while you were drunk. I never knew how much you favoured me.”

Zhao Yunlan is the best character ever. A hot professor acts really weird and is so obviously attracted to him and Yunlan is super into it. Shen Wei treats him like precious glass that cannot be allowed to even get dirty and also like he will die if Yunlan looks at him for too long. Shen Wei tries not to touch him but revels in the warmth left behind. Shen Wei bit him like thirty times because of his conflicting desires to both eat or fuck him. Zhao Yunlan is so fucking confused.

Zhu Hong suggests that Yunlan could sleep with her in lieu of payment and Yunlan is like “Okay :)” (because he thinks it would be nice to not need to have to pay her). Yunlan is openly bi to the point that him flirting with a hot professor surprises literally none of his coworkers (they just tease him because it’s funny).

Yunlan is positive that Shen Wei is attracted to him, because obviously Shen Wei is? Yunlan isn’t being vain or overly confident, Shen Wei literally caught him while he was falling off of the school roof and tended to his light scrape like it was Yunlan’s arm coming off. Shen Wei is so obviously attracted to Yunlan, but at the same time tries desperately not to show it. Zhao Yunlan is so confused. He is bummed when Shen Wei declines to meet with him and even more bummed when Shen Wei tells him he doesn’t want to go out with him and he is also baffled because he woke up to find Shen Wei literally watching him sleep less than a week later.

If I was Zhao Yunlan, I would also be confused.

Zhao Yunlan also is great because he’s the world’s best detective who comes up with half-baked theories and tricks people (well, mostly Shen Wei and Da Qing) into admitting he’s right. He cannot stand how useless Guo Changcheng is, but Guo Changcheng is his little good luck charm and he will be bringing him everywhere. Wang Zheng tries to die and he berates her like a little kid. The Emissary sends a spooky little guy to keep Yunlan from continuing forward, and Yunlan can’t bring himself to knock it aside, so he just steps over it. When it follows him, he eventually just picks it up. When it gets scared, he lets it hide in Clarity (his watch). He is disrespectful to the very idea of gods. He is unintimidated by the Emissary who literally everyone else is terrified of. He burns incense for the little messenger even though he didn’t have to.

There were some (a lot of) parts I didn’t really get, even during my second read. However, this translation makes a lot of sense! The underworld folk are fucking terrified of Shen Wei. Shen Wei is overpowered and answers to nobody and his very presence as the Emissary is enough to make most ghosts run and hide. They are so scared. Shen Wei is getting worse. If Shen Wei goes rogue, literally nobody can stop him.

Man, if only that mountain god, the one being in the entirety of history that Shen Wei was willing to listen to, was still around.

(They decide to get that mountain god back.)

Honestly, them wanting Yunlan to remember makes a lot more sense than whatever I thought they were doing the first two times I read it. They just need someone to hold Shen Wei’s leash, and they couldn’t have known that Zhao Yunlan is literally the worst possible choice for that.

(Zhao Yunlan doesn’t even care when Shen Wei tears his shirt (apparently with fucking claws) or bites him and he really doesn’t care what the Emissary does as long as Shen Wei lets him get his baby Wang Zheng back first. The mountain god, from what I recall, was more amused by Shen Wei’s darker tendencies than anything else. There is no one worse to hope will control Shen Wei, because there is no one else who is as willing as Zhao Yunlan is to sleep with the most powerful, uncontrollable being in metaphorical Hell.)

I’ll give them points for trying, but really, they didn’t do a very good job picking. I mean, there was literally no other option, but still. Shen Wei who retains some degree of his self control vs Shen Wei who is feral over Yunlan is a pretty obvious choice.

All in all, I love Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei. Yunlan thinks he might be coming on too strong, meanwhile Shen Wei would probably collect Yunlan’s hair if he thought he could get away with it. Shen Wei knows where Yunlan lives and lives nearby, he works in the same city, and he has stalked seen Yunlan on cases before, meanwhile Yunlan’s worst crime is sullying the professor in his head. I love them. They’re perfect for each other.

everyone talks about Nico and hades and Persephone and Thalia and Zeus and Hera and Thalia’s billion half-siblings but what wouldn’t I give to have Thalia and Nick witness the Silent, Awkward Family Dinner between Poseidon, Percy (Poseidon’s Favorite Son), Triton (Not Poseidon’s favorite son), and Amphitrite

we’ve talked about this already, i know, but i have to let you know i’m still obsessed with poseidon getting Bold and wanting to both impress percy and piss off his brothers by inviting nico and thalia into his domain for an Extended Family Dinner, and like. triton’s so fucking mad. triton’s like “father is it necessary to house these...... these cretins -” and poseidon’s laughing like “triton! you make the funniest jokes! of course it is necessary” because i think the most integral thing about poseidon is that he exists to flex on everyone around him. he’s got to be (marginally) a better dad than all those other shittier olympians, he’s gotta flex on triton by reminding triton that percy is the favorite, he even flexes on his own son by being better than percy is expecting. this dude exists to go “you thought and that was a mistake”

thalia’s in it for free food and a night off, and she’s kind of expecting dinner with a show. she does also enjoy doing things that will make zeus go wild. nico, too, enjoys free food, and also dinner with a show, but when percy asks him and makes those big baby seal eyes the remnants of nico’s ludicrously intense crush on percy make themselves known and nico’s like uh uh uh uh yeah uh uh yeah sure. thalia slaps nico’s back three times. she’s convinced he’s choking on something. so nico is convinced to do something that will undoubtedly piss hades off and endanger the hard-earned respect he’s gotten from hades after the titan war, but, you know, things sometimes happen that way when percy jackson makes big baby seal eyes at you.

but i think we both agreed.... this dinner is chaos. percy spends most of it unintentionally winding triton up, and tyson’s just excited to have everyone around, and thalia’s shoving food into her pockets because she can see a vein in triton’s neck bulging. nico is looking between percy and triton and poseidon and trying to figure out why triton is blue, and also trying to come to terms with the fact that percy and poseidon look a lot alike, and that’s a super uncomfortable thing to know about the guy you had a major crush on. percy’s telling tyson a story about how he fought phobos and deimos and poseidon is BEAMING and triton interrupts it to spear the table with his trident shouting YOU DON’T DESERVE FATHER’S AFFECTION!!!!!! and amphitrite is like triton we just replaced this table after the last time you broke it, which was the last time perseus was here. and percy’s like......... he sticks his tongue out at triton and triton goes absolutely feral

poseidon notices nico’s thousand-yard stare and claps him on the shoulder, laughing a low rumbling laugh, and says boys will be boys! percy has jumped over the table and he and triton are just wrestling in the water, triton’s screaming obscenities and percy keeps repeating EAT MY PANTS in latin. tyson is clapping and cheering for percy. thalia, professional shit-stirrer, starts cheering for triton

comedians: it's so difficult to be funny nowadays without sjws getting offended

robert pattinson, without an inch of effort: