Let Them Team Up And Have Their First Mission Together

draco malfoy being draco malfoy

“if you’re going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as well hit them hard.”

“he’s got a stick so far up his arse you can see it when he yawns.”

“explain, and do it carefully or you might find yourself being throttled to death.”

“i always have a note in my pocket saying ‘harry did it’ just in case i get murdered because i don’t want him to remarry.”

“i’m a demanding lover, potter. i require care and attention 24/7.”

“THAT’S THE PROBLEM, PANSY. MY EMOTIONAL BARRIERS ARE DOWN, AND I’D LIKE THEM BACK UP THANK YOU VERY MUCH.”

“i would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

“i could devour a whole bowl of alphabet soup and spit out a better statement than that.”

“my moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel, thank you.”

“harry, love, do these trousers make my arse look big?”

“i want to see things from your point of view, but i can’t get my head that far up my arse.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T WEAR THESE TO WORK? I LOOK FUCKING BEAUTIFUL IN IT!”

“sorry, pans, i’m busy today. i have a mental breakdown scheduled at five.”

“it’s pointless to make fun of you ‘cause it would take the rest of the fucking day for you to figure it out.”

“i totally have a bigger arse than you do.”

“pansy, hold my earrings for me. i have a bitch’s body to hide.”

“a single walk in the woods for me is so relaxing. the fact that i’m dragging a dead body should be irrelevant.”

“get out, blaise. potter and i are going to have sex.”

“did you just say my fucking hair is bleached? honey, do you think bleach would ever produce such fine and silver blond hair like this? yes, that’s right, back away bitch.”

“harryyyy i neeeeed atteeentiooon”

“i love you too. what? no. i said you smell like a shoe. idiot.”

“whoa, it smells like bitch in here.”

“I DO NOT NEED READING GLASSES! MY VISION IS PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU.”

“wanna check out my peacock army at home?”

“pff, what makes you think i sleep with a stuffed lion? that’s a lie. you … you have a picture? can i … can i see?”

“i like being organised but i’M TOO LAZY TO BE ORGANISED”

“ME? BECOME A POTTER? I DON’T … actually, draco potter doesn’t sound too bad. where are the marriage papers?”

“please, i’m too classy to top. have you seen me? i have an aristocratic face, and this phenomenal arse. power bottom it is.”

“sweat? me, sweat? i don’t sweat. it’s disgusting, so i don’t do it.”

“i am the prince of destruction, death and … yeah, i’m a cuddler.”

“i do not blush. that is undignified and—POTTER AND I WEREN’T SPOONING!”

“if you win this match, potter, you can do whatever you want to me. are you daft? yes, i said whatever you … what? you want me to spend a night with you?”

“to be fair, professor, i’m not the one who decided to maul my own neck with hickeys. blame potter.”

“YES PANSY SHUT UP I HAD A CRUSH ON VIKTOR FUCKING KRUM ONCE BUT THAT WAS ONE TIME!”

“harry! harry! HARRY! do i look pretty?”

“pans, i need you to tell me your embarrassing sex stories so i can forget last night when harry stared at me and i waved.”

“FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I DO NOT NEED READING GLASSES!”

omg leaked season 7 footage of tcw!! siege of mandalore looks so good

Gosh dammit muffin! Now I can't get the idea of long haired andorogynous zuko out of my head, and I'm like "what if he'd never done the bald ponytail thing and just let his hair grow back, so by the show he had long ass hair" and then I was like "what if he joined the gaang after crossroads and figured that the best way to go incognito was as a woman since people were looking for the PRINCE. Anyway now i'm staring down a blank google doc so thx.

Yesss.

This is a gift

good content

I’m curious...

reblog if what jkr says is no longer canon to you 

The Sugar Baby Ben AU

The premise: Obi-Wan and Anakin from the end of ROTJ get sent back to the Jedi Temple during TPM. Obi-Wan is confused, Anakin is confused, Mace Windu is very confused, and Vokara Che is also very confused. (It’s fine, it’s not like anyone relies on the Jedi for their intelligence anyways.) 

So what happens after they get where and who they are sorted out?

Well:

Anakin kills Sidious. He may be small, and blond, and just the cutest little kid, but he has several decades worth of fury directed at the man, and he’s still pretty much a Sith Lord (if a reformed one). It is very violent, and very worrying to anyone who sees it except for Obi-Wan. (In the absence of any convenient reactor shafts to toss the bitch down, Anakin resorts to a combination of lethal use of the Force and a blaster, just for good measure. They’re cleaning Sidious’s guts off his office carpet for years after the fact.)

Then, while the Jedi are trying to get a handle on the fact that (a) Sith exist, (b) time travel exists, and © the tiny adorable boy Qui-Gon Jinn brought back actually is horribly dangerous, Anakin runs off. He grabs his mother, slaughters a couple slavers indiscriminately, which Shmi feels obligated to chastise him for, even if she isn’t that horrified, and they go to Naboo.

To everyone but Obi-Wan’s surprise, Anakin lasts about two weeks on Naboo. A month or so later, the Jedi start hearing rumors about a small, dark-cloaked figure with a red lightsaber who leaves entire slave markets to burn. They don’t hear about the woman with him, who holds him back and calms his rage, who can stop her son when he needs to be stopped and hold him when he needs to be held. (Obi-Wan knows that she’s there anyways, and he sends her the number of a good therapist.)

So, what is Obi-Wan doing during all of this?

Short answer: scandalizing every jedi on coruscant

Slightly longer answer: scandalizing every jedi on coruscant by having ridiculous amounts of sex

Keep reading

As amusing as it is to me that Anakin goes stalking around the Temple in the darkest colors (because we all need to know about how Tortured his soul is,) given that Anakin also hates actually talking through his issues, what if he’d gone the other direction and worn like, the loudest, brightest, happy-go-lucky-est ensembles ever, because LOOK EVERYBODY I’M FINE IT’S FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE JUST LOOK AT MY FUN AND FANCY FREE CLOTHES, NOPE NO DARK SIDE TEMPTATIONS HERE.

Obi-Wan: [getting ready to leave for Utapau] Anyways I’m off to take care of Grievous and – I’m sorry, Anakin, but what are you wearing? Anakin: [head to toe in pink sequins, a light-up flower crown on his head] What do you mean? Obi-Wan: …is everything all right, Anakin? Anakin: [laughing nervously] Wh-what? Yes, of course everything’s fine. Would, would a man about to betray the Order and go on a murder spree be dressed like this?! Obi-Wan: [concerned] Excuse me?! [feeling his forehead] When was the last time you slept? Anakin: Ha! I’ve been sleeping, obviously, it’s, it’s not like I’m wearing a ton of concealer under my eyes, or that that’s why I’m wearing these ridiculous oversized sunglasses indoors! [shoving him onto the ship] Anyways Obi-Wan, have a safe trip, I will definitely be totally fine when you get back. Obi-Wan: [staring skeptically out the window of his ship, yelling through the glass] We’re going to discuss this when I return, Anakin! Anakin: [pretending he can barely hear him] Hmm? What’s that Obi-Wan? Oh, sure, I’ll water your plants for you! Don’t worry; I am absolutely definitely totally fine! Bye now!

(Anakin and Padme would have some interesting shopping trips at least, that’s for sure.)

a collection of seemingly unintentionally profound shitposts that fill me with a viscerally intense feeling of existential awareness

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

at superman's secret base: fortress of solitude, complete silence, memoir for the fallen krypton, v serious place, only 3 people granted access

at batman's secret base: I AM 200% SURE I DID NOT ADOPT THAT ONE, SOMEONE TELL ME WHY DAMIAN IS LICKING THE DINOSAUR, WHICH ONE OF U BRATS BLED ALL OVER THE BATHROOM, WHO LET THE GREEN FLASHLIGHT IN HERE, ALFRED!!!!

A SVSSS fic I want to write one day is Airplane and Shen Yuan being ejected from the System and sent back to the mundane world, but with the difference that Shen Yuan's 'edits' to the story have been retroactively applied to PiDW and as a result it's gone from 'top story in a hyper specific web culture niche' to 'international sensation with a Netflix adaption in the works'.

Keyly, PiDW is still told largely from the PoV of Luo Binghe- so neither he nor the audience is at all aware that it's now Isekai story. Instead it's billed as this heady romantic drama about prejudice, the passage of time, and redemption- where a big part of the appeal is trying to piece together the otherwise enigmatic Shen Qingqiu's motives.

Was he harsh on Binghe initially because of he sensed/knew about Binghe's demon heritage (as it's now possible to find hints that he may have in fact known all along)? Or because he saw Binghe's potential and wanted to do the tough-love training thing? Or was it because he was trying to chase Binghe away from Cultivation because he knew it would lead Binghe to misery one day? Did he throw Binghe into the Abyss because he was genuinely shocked and disgusted by the Demon reveal? Or because he knew Binghe would be killed if he stayed and he was trying to 'protect' him? Or was it because he genuinely wanted Binghe to fulfill his demon Emperor destiny and thought a clean break would do it? The fandom has no idea but lovvvvvves arguing about it.

This all leads to things coming full circle, as Cucumber, sounding like an absolute insane person, is left to rant online about how the obvious answer is that Shen Qingqiu was Isekai'd earlier in the story and replaced by a completely different person- a theory which is mocked to the point of memery, and leads to Cucumber being dunked on endlessly, no matter how much evidence he brings up or how many essays he writes.