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Assertive Communication 🗣

Assertiveness

When communicating keep in mind your experiences, such as, feelings, thoughts, & behaviors might be differ from others.

Thoughts and emotions if not handled properly can get in the way off effective communication.

It’s easy to misunderstand what the other person is communicating. We tend to react to what we think they are saying.

Types of Communication

Passive

Overview: those who communicate passively tend to be submissive and compliant. They don’t expresse their feelings or thoughts.

Consequences: give into others and don’t get what they want.

Aggressive

Overview: person will be demanding and hostile. They come of rude and insensitive. At times they can use intimidation to get what they want.

Consequences: upset others and becomes angry and resentful. People will distance themselves.

Passive-Aggressive

Overview: this type of person will say what others want to hear to evade conflicts, but at the same time they will feel anger and resentment.

Consequences: creates future problems for not following through what was established during communication.

Manipulator

Overview: here the person will make others feel guilty to obtain what they want. Other times the communicator will play the victim as well.

Consequences: upsets other people and loses their trust and respect.

Affirmative

Overview: this type of person has healthy communication. They express their needs and emotions in a direct, respectful and honest manner. They actively listen to others and take responsibility for what they say.

Consequences: good relationships and effective communication.

Tips on Assertive Communication

Be specific when speaking.

Use “I” statements.

Decribe what you heard and observed instead of judging.

Politely ask the other person what they understood. This helps prevent future misunderstandings.

Provide positive feedback.

State your limits and boundaries in the beginning.

Saying “No”

Saying “no” does not make you a bad person. There are ways of saying it respectfully, for example:

I’m sorry, but I can’t take on anything else at the moment.

I’m busy, maybe some other time.

I would love to, but I have too much on my plate right now.

At this very moment I can’t, but let me point you to the person who might be able to help.

Keep in mind these responses are enough. You do not need to further explain anything.

“I” Statements

These type of statements help communicate your thoughts and feelings without verbally attacking or acusong the other person. When we are upset we communicate defensively. For example:

Wrong: You can’t continue arriving late! You’re not considerate and completely disrespectful!

Correct: I become worried when you are late. I feel Iike you aren’t considering how I am feeling. How can we arrive to an agreement?

Empathy , awareness, self motivation and self control emotions

PTSD

This is something I see get thrown around a lot and is rarely used correctly. 

Summarized DSM-V Criteria

A. Definition of trauma;

The person has experience, witnessed, or been confronted with an event or events that involve actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of oneself or others.

the persons response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.

B. Re-experiencing; traumatic experience is persistently re-experienced at least one way:

recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the events, including images, thoughts, or perceptions

recurrent distressing dreams of the event

acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations and dissociative flashback episodes

intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

physiologic reactivity upon exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an expect of the traumatic event.

C. Avoidance/Numbing; persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness indicated by at least three of:

efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma.

efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections

inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma.

markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities

feeling of detachment or estrangement from others.

restricted range of affect (ex; unable to have loving feelings) sense of a foreshortened future (ex; does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span.)

D. Hyper-Arousal; persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma) as indicated by at least two of the following;

difficulty falling or staying asleep

irritability or outbursts of anger

difficulty concentrating

hyper-vigilance

exaggerated startle response.

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Want to Improve your Communication Skills?

1. Listen carefully when others are speaking. Keep your mouth shut – and focus totally on them.

2. Never, ever talk over other people. This is disrespectful – and a real turn off.

3. Even if the person leaves an hour between each word, resist the temptation to complete their sentence for them.

4. Don’t interrupt - let the other person finish. Then, acknowledge what they’ve shared before adding your own thoughts.

5. Paraphrase or summarise what’s just been shared. It shows that you have listened – and are keen to understand.

6. Maintain good eye contact as this says you’re interested, and the speaker and their story are important to you.