Hiding Secrets In The Wishing Well

What even am I to him? I’m tired of the questioning. Im just going to give up I guess. He’ll never love me the same way. Im just going to settle for my ex and forget any feelings I have for him. Im tired of being lonely and confused and unloved, my daydreams have become hell knowing it will never be real. Im done.

Love doesnt exist.

Sometimes I don’t feel like living

shoutout to people with simultaneously great and terrible memories. like oh yeah i remember in perfect detail that random story you told about the banana costume from a year ago but all of novemeber? completely blank.

Low Cal Fast Food Pt. 1 ; McDonald’s

Okay, so everyone seems to like these quick master posts about low cal fast food here we go with an in depth analysis: [DISCLAIMER: Only American calories for now, unfortunately. I need to research for other countries]

Qualifiers: For food, if it’s below 300 calories, I consider that to be relatively low. For drinks, anything lower than 200.

Breakfast Options:

- Fruit n’ Yogurt Parfait ; 150 calories, vegetarian (my personal go-to, and yes, that count includes the granola that comes with it)

- Fruit and Maple Oatmeal, no cream ; 290 calories, vegan (meant for a heartier breakfast where you actually need energy for school or something)

- Egg McMuffin, no cheese, no butter (say low quality dairy gives you the shits idk) ; 220 calories

- Egg White Delight McMuffin, no cheese, no butter ; 180 calories

**If you want to not be extra and order the Egg McMuffins with no cheese, but with the butter, the Egg McMuffin is 240 calories and the Egg White Delight McMuffin is 210

Burgers:

- Hamburger ; 250 calories

- Cheeseburger ; 300 calories

- Hamburger, no patty, extra veggies ; 170 calories, vegan

Chicken & Sandwiches

- Chicken McNugget 4 pack ; 180 calories (1 pack of ketchup is 20 cal btw)

- Chicken McNugget 6 pack ; 270 calories 

- Filet o’ Fish Sandwich, no tartar sauce, no cheese ; 270 calories, pescatarian

Salads:

- Bacon Ranch Grilled Chicken Salad, no cheese ; 260 calories (DOES NOT INCLUDE RANCH DRESSING, KEEP THAT IN MIND)

- Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, no cheese ; 290 calories (this one comes with a glaze, but I don’t know if it’s the same as dressing?? someone hit me up with the right answer to this)

- Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, no chicken ; 220 calories, vegetarian (also comes w glaze, still not sure what’s happening with that. idk)

- Side Salad ; 15 calories + dressing of your choice, vegan

Snacks & Sides:

- Kid’s Fry ; 110 calories (not vegetarian/vegan in the U.S.)

- Small Fry ; 230 calories (still not vegetarian/vegan in the U.S.)

- Apple Slices ; 15 calories, vegan

- Yoplait Go-Gurt, Strawberry Flavored ; 50 calories, vegetarian

Desserts & Shakes:

I know it’s not low calorie, but the lowest calorie milkshake at McDonald’s is a small vanilla milkshake at 490 calories, just for your information.

- Vanilla Cone ; 200 calories, vegetarian

- Kiddie Cone ; 45 calories, vegetarian

- Strawberry Sundae, no peanuts ; 270 calories, vegetarian

- Baked Apple Pie ; 230 calories, vegan

- Strawberries and Cream Pie ; 300 calories, vegetarian

- Chocolate Chip Cookie ; 170 calories, vegetarian

- Oatmeal Raisin Cookie ; 140 calories, vegetarian

Drinks

- McCafe French Vanilla Iced Coffee ; Small: 120 calories, Medium: 150 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Caramel Iced Coffee ; Small: 140 calories, vegetarian

- Fanta Orange ; Extra Small: 120 calories, Small: 170 calories, vegan

- Coke ; Extra Small: 110 calories, Small: 150 calories, vegan

- Diet Coke ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- Sprite ; Extra Small: 110 calories, Small: 150 calories, vegan

- Iced Tea ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- Dr. Pepper ; Extra Small: 120 calories, Small: 170 calories, vegan

- Diet Dr. Pepper ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- McCafe Strawberry Banana Smoothie ; Small: 190 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Mango Pineapple Smoothie ; Small: 200 calories, vegetarian

- Sweet Tea ; Extra Small: 60, Small: 90, Medium: 110, Large: 160, vegan

- Powerade Mountain Berry Blast ; Extra Small: 70, Small: 90, Medium: 120, Large: 170, vegan

- McCafe Coffee ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- McCafe Latte ; Small: 170 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Iced Coffee ; 130 calories, vegetarian (only comes in 1 size)

- Fat Free Chocolate Milk Jug ; 130 calories, vegetarian

- 1% Low Fat Milk Jug ; 100 calories, vegetarian

- Minute Maid Apple Juice Box ; 80 calories, vegan

- Dasani Bottled Water ; 0 calories, vegan

@shitididntthinkthisthrough

ALSO; if you have a fast food place you want to see low calorie options from, please message me, I’ll be happy to make a list for you!!

Little Intro

Hi, My call me Dee! I'm a 23-year-old NonBinary[Neutrois] Spoonie. Over the past few years, I've gotten a few official DX’s after suffering for years since I was really young. Its been hard trying to come to terms with things and accepting my mind and body for what they are and the illnesses I do have. It's taken this long to stop fighting myself and consider extensive therapy and medicine. I tried when I was younger but being a mentally Ill and hurting kid I didn’t want to accept certain things. Especially when society makes things like mental illness so taboo. But I’m 23 now and I realize I went through nothing a child should ever have to, and yes I survived but at the cost of my mental and physical well being. Coming to terms with that, and that I can't and will never be fully able-bodied is hard. I'm hoping that eventually, I learn to accept and love myself the way I am and stop comparing myself to others. A bit about my conditions:

Mental:

•C-PTSD

•Anxiety/Panic Disorder [Severe]

•BPD

•Bipolar

•Depression [Severe]

•Dissociative Disorder

•DPDR

•OCD

•Paranoid Personality Disorder

•Maladaptive Daydreaming. [not sure if this counts much.]

| I also think I have OSDD-1b but I'm too scared to tell my new Doctor just yet.

Physical:

•IBS-D

•Fibromyalgia

•PCOS

•Psoriasis

•Terrible sinus/ear issues that we don't know what it's from yet.

•Eating Disorders. [A and B, as well as BED]  •Sluggish Gallbladder

Medications:

Going to start Vistaril soon for my anxiety. Hope it helps. If anyone is on it too let me know how it helps for you.

Tldr; I'm using this blog as a way to help vent and come to terms with things about my mental and physical health. The past few years have hit me so hard. A lot of trauma memories resurfacing because of trying to recover from abuse and a bad childhood. The stress of this flaring up my body and a lot of invalidation from my mother and family. I just want to at least make a small place for myself where I can feel that I somewhat belong, even a tiny bit.

So..Lets see where this goes. :)

opportunity.

welp. 

managed to make myself so irrationally angry I cant even breath. 

why on earth do I do this to myself? why? why??

my heart is pounding and racing out of my chest in firey anger and my eyes sting

I know I need to just relax and breathe but I swear its like blinding hot anger.

I shouldnt be so worked up over something from literally years ago that had nothing to do with me 

but.. fuck.. it makes me sick..

im just being a stupid irrationally angry crybaby and i hate it...