I’m Not Gonna Kill Myself Because If My Depression Wants Me Dead THAT Badly It’s Gonna Have To Start

Wow my bpd is acting up fiercely this morning. It’s so...annoying.  The paranoia...it’s sickeningly overwhelming Like I see you’re online, you’ve been online for a while, you haven’t even looked at my message.  Did I upset you? Did I do something wrong? Do you secretly hate me? Are you... leaving me...?? Who is stealing you away from me? Is it them? God it gives me such anxiety in the deepest pits of my stomach. Its such a feeling that screams “You need to be perfect! You’re not perfect! BE BETTER BE BETTER! HE’S GOING TO LEAVE YOU”  I need to be perfect or he’ll leave me for someone better. I’ll be replaced in an instant if I slack.  It makes my skin crawl... I just want to cry so fucking bad. I want to break down. I want you to hold me so tight and close, and tell me you’re not going anywhere, ever. Never ever.

Please don’t leave me, I love you. I really do.

shout out to anyone having a flareup right now. i’m sorry you’re hurting. you’re stronger than you feel right now. go easy on yourself today. you deserve it.

i can’t stop

•suicidal•

[my edit]

Why is my heart so loyal and willing to someone who doesn’t even want me...? Its not fair..