Bad Morning

when you’re dissociating and someone asks if you are okay so you just

Having a rough week after a longer period with low symptoms is really hard.

I’m feeling as if life was punishing my for feeling to strong and confident.

Can I die please?

That chronic illness feel when you sleep 13+ hours and wake up feeling exhausted

Have I already told the person this thing? Have I only thought about telling them? Have I only dreamt about telling them? Or am I going to tell them and find out I already told them 3 times before?

Told all my friends I was going to bed and ended up having anpanic attack an hour lster with no guts to reach out to anyone :”) I feel like im dying ans my brain is convinced Im dying and I feel two seconds from bursting into tears and calling my FP to have him calm me down..But I wont. Ill just lay here suffering in fear because I just cant bring myself to do things..

welp. 

managed to make myself so irrationally angry I cant even breath. 

why on earth do I do this to myself? why? why??

my heart is pounding and racing out of my chest in firey anger and my eyes sting

I know I need to just relax and breathe but I swear its like blinding hot anger.

I shouldnt be so worked up over something from literally years ago that had nothing to do with me 

but.. fuck.. it makes me sick..

im just being a stupid irrationally angry crybaby and i hate it...

“You walk at home? Do you even need your wheelchair?”

Yes, because walking in my own house is different than walking class to class at school. I don’t carry a heavy backpack at home. I’m not on a tight schedule at home. I can sit on the ground at home. I can ask my parents or siblings to help me at home. I can crawl on my hands and knees at home. I can lie in the middle of the hallway at home. I can sit on counters and tables at home. I can bear a lot of pain at home. I can show that pain at home. I can collapse in the middle of crawling up the staircase at home.

Don’t tell me or anyone else where or when they need to use their mobility device