Told All My Friends I Was Going To Bed And Ended Up Having Anpanic Attack An Hour Lster With No Guts

If only it could be so easy

Crying is actually the fucking worst. Its fucking garbage. I would rather just. Fucking...Not. 

Just going to livetumbl my entire episode because I'm alone and might as fucking well.

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember

I can’t look at the night sky the same anymore. It makes me sad that It only makes me think about her and you. 

I think its time to find a new world with a new sky.

my two very conflicting personality traits

showering: take cold shower so you don’t get dizzy and pass out! Self care!

also me: it must feel like satan is PISSING on you and your skin must peel off like a face mask or it isn’t hot enough. You fucking wimp

anyone else ever daydream for 6 hours straight and then after ur just like nah let’s scrap that and do it all again but slightly to the left

FUCK IM A FUCKING IDIOT FUCKING END ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD UHALSKGJN GODDAMNIT THIS HURTS

FUCK

By the time you find this, I will be dead. I am leaving this app open on my unlocked phone near my body.

I’m sorry that by this time tomorrow I won’t be around anymore. Im sorry I couldn’t contribute enough. Sorry I was too sick.

Dear mom/family.

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I was a failure. I’m sorry I wasted time. I wish I could have been a better kid. Im sorry I wasn’t the daughter/sister/aunt you wanted. Im sorry I don’t even know what or who I am. I’m sorry I was just a problem. I’m sorry I was so sick. Such a burden on you all. I deserved what I got.

Dear sister,

I love you and I’m sorry. I miss you. I never told you how I was feeling.. You wont forgive me I know. I cant forgive myself either. Im an awful awful sister. I deserve this.

Dear best friend,

I love you. I’m sorry. My head is too broken. Im too tired. You tried so hard to help me but I failed you. I’m a terrible failure. I will never forgive myself for disappointing you. You were my world. I loved you more than words could express. But it was never meant to be. I’m sorry. Im sorry I wont be around anymore. Im sorry we wont get to do all that we wanted and dreamed. I’ll miss you for eternity.

Dear myself,

I hate you. I hope you rot. You horrible disgusting disappointing failure. You’re a fucking burden. You deserve this.

Goodbye.

Love,

Amanda/Des/Blair

🖤

- yes, sometimes