RANT Warning: Indelicate Language And Imagery. Okay, So Apparently As Much As 54% Of Men And 42% Of Women

You say you're a virgin, so what's your definition of virginity?

(For your convenience, I have gotten into the habit of bolding the sentences that summarize my opinions, so you don’t have to read it all if you don’t want to.) So my friend was telling me this super awkward story today and the punchline was basically “and then he went to Australia!” -The intended joke being that Australia is…the land down under. So let’s go with this: My definition of virginity is someone who has never been to Australia! Or, by extension, I guess, someone who has never let someone else go to their Australia?? HahaOkay metaphor over. We all know the typical definition of sex that most people carry around in their heads: what might also be called “intercourse” - you know, penis in vagina, pretty straightforward. But then there’s “other stuff”. Anal sex, oral sex, and then stuff like fingering, and a handjob (What do you even call that? “Manual sex?”). I’ve heard people say “I’ve never had sex but I’ve done pretty much everything else.” Oh, story time! So I have these jeans that are made by the brand name Lucky. And when you unzip them, it says, RIGHT INSIDE THE ZIPPER, “Lucky you” which I think is hilarious! So I was telling my friend about them once and he goes “maybe I’ll be the first to see it” and I was like “uh, sure, if you wanna put a ring on my finger…….” and he was like “you can still have fun without a ring.” No. No you can’t. Not that kind of fun, anyway. I dunno, that’s just me. When someone says they’re “technically” a virgin, I don’t think they’re *actually* a virgin. You see, sexual health professionals consider all the “other stuff” real sex too, not just intercourse. Actually, I’ve read articles that say that masturbating is real sex too. I personally think that’s taking it a bit far. Sure, from a biological standpoint, when looking at arousal and orgasm and stuff like that - if that’s how you define sex - then yeah, masturbating is sex. But I define sex by the intimacy shared with another human being. And having someone’s hands or mouth down there is pretty much just as intimate as having a guy’s penis down there. You just can’t get pregnant. If it helps you understand it my definition a little better, I have rules for physical boundaries in dating:1) Don’t touch me anywhere that would be covered by a bikini. 2) No clothes are coming off.Pretty simple, but effective in preventing me from getting anywhere near sex. Like, even if someone breaks rule 1, when we come to our senses and stop it, there’s really not much harm done. But once you break rule 2, you’re a pretty slippery slope. I guess I just don’t really like living on the edge. I like to stay faaaaarr away from that line. I probably just wrote waaayy more than necessary. I’m sorry I’m so wordy! Haha yeah soooo….basically anything involving the below-the-belt area is sex, and anyone who has had sex is not a virgin, ergo anyone who has participated in below-the-belt activities is not a virgin. Again, a reminder, that’s *MY* definition of virginity. I would not be arrogant enough to tell anyone else what to do or what not to do. Peace and love! -KatherineP.S. The link to my blog is on facebook and the other day my mom mentioned something to me about something I had posted here. So, hi mom… :P (actually, mama Milly is pretty blunt, and wouldn’t even bat an eyelid reading this post.) 

I know that you're pentecostal but how do you feel about other christian faiths such as anglicans, catholics, united etc. Are you friends with these people? how do you feel about their faith? would you marry one of these people?

There are probably thousands upon thousands of variations of the Christian faith. The way I see it, if you truly love and fear God, and are a devout Christ-follower who believes and obeys the teaching of the bible, it doesn’t matter whether you’re pentecostal, baptist, catholic, anglican, salvation army, united or non-denominational. Because truly devout christians look the same no matter what specific label they wear. I am absolutely friends with these people. I’m friends with non-christians, too haha :P I’ll pretty much be friends with anybody, you know, providing they’re not psychopathic or anything :P 

How do I feel about their faith? Here’s the truth: there are an awful lot of fakers in every single denomination. There are loads of people who call themselves pentecostal but couldn’t really care less about God. The same is true for every other denomination; it comes with the territory. A person’s faith is between them and God. 

Would I marry them? Ennh….my only stipulation on that topic is that I would prefer to marry a charismatic Christian simply because I think it’d be pretty freaky and kind of a turn-off if your spouse suddenly started speaking what can only be described as gibberish, and you know nothing about it. And because I’m pentecostal, and we are very passionate about speaking in tongues, it’d probably be less scarring for everyone involved if I just married a pentecostal, or whatever the equivalent is in places that are not Newfoundland, Canada. 

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine 

What is your opinion on purity rings?

Teehee, guess what…I wear a purity ring. 

I wear it on my wedding finger and everything. It says “Purity” on one side and “Matthew 5:8” on the other. I ordered it online from c28.com. 

I’ve heard a lot of differing opinions on the topic of purity rings. Some people think it’s really corny and stupid and seem to associate it with the image of a really sheltered, socially inept, uber-religious freak. One woman wrote a blog post that I read about how she stopped wearing hers because it said “True Love Waits” and she felt that it was indicative of her attitude of expectancy. Like she kept asking God to send her a husband and she realized that she was too hung up on it and wanted to find her worth and fulfillment in God instead of waiting for a man. 

I would like to think that I don’t belong to either of those categories. I KNOW for certain that I’m not pining away for a man. I can barely last 4 months in a relationship; I just love being single. And I have a whole bunch of plans for my life that don’t really require a husband. So I’m fairly secure in the knowledge that that’s not the reason I wear it. And although my decision to remain celibate until marriage is old-fashioned and prudish to a lot of people, I don’t think I’m out of touch with reality or brainwashed or crazy or anything. So the ring doesn’t have to be tied to that image. 

The reason that I wear it is that I like to wear my heart on my sleeve. I love outward expressions of my convictions. I have tshirts that advertise everything from my identity as a newfoundlander to my religious beliefs to my opinions on human trafficking and dating. And I like the idea of a tangible symbol of my decision to save sex for marriage. That’s all there is to it. 

Purity rings are generally harmless and innocent in and of themselves. Whether you decide to wear one or not is a personal decision and, I would venture to say, not even a very important one. It has no bearing on the validity of your decision, and it has no control over your actions. It’s just a symbol. Also, it is not, as one of my friends thought, a promise ring. No one gave me my purity ring and said “save yourself for me”. That’d be weird. 

Okay, that’s all I have to say! hahaThanks for the question :)Peace and love! -Katherine 

The Need for Missionaries in North America

Christians in North America love to talk about “missions”. Usually that means people on other continents, across oceans, with vastly different climates and cultures. We talk a lot about unchurched peoples. 

I think it’s time to talk less about unchurched peoples and talk more about DE-churched peoples.

In North America, we have a unique mission field. We live on a continent where millions of people already know about Jesus, and are vehemently disinterested in Him. Because of us. 

We are surrounded by millions of people who actively reject God because of us. 

They equate God with hate, judgment and condemnation because of us. Just one generation before mine in my province, people left the church in droves because of hypocrisy, scandal and intolerance. My generation is the first generation in Newfoundland in which many people have absolutely zero affiliation with any church. My generation is the generation that knows God as someone who hates women and people of colour and LGBTQ+ people. Because his followers hate all those people. 

Jesus said that people would know his followers by their love for one another, not their hate. 

Something has gone very very wrong here. The most well known image associated with Christianity in the United States is a sign saying “God Hates F*gs”. Half my time is spent trying to combat misogyny, homophobia and transphobia within the church and the other half of my time is spent apologizing for all those things to people outside the church.

Yes I assure you, I know that it’s “not all” churches and “not all” Christians. Before you whine about my generalizations, I will preemptively refute that critique by saying that every time someone claims “not all” about a social class in a position of power, the answer is that it is the vast majority enabling us to make general claims about clear trends evident in this social class. Furthermore,  in this specific case, even if it is not all, it is a portion that is statistically significant enough that it dominates the psyche of our culture. And those of us who have not been active perpetrators have been complicit through our defenses like the one that you’re leveraging against my stance right now. Okay, that’s out of the way.

I am in no way saying that we don’t have a responsibility to “Go” and make disciples of ALL the nations. I am in no way saying that the work that overseas missionaries do is not important or that God does not call people to international missions. Here is what I AM saying: 

if God does not call you--yes, YOU, specifically--and me to go overseas and preach the gospel, then the only logical conclusion is that he’s calling us to STAY and preach the gospel. 

Too often we think that if we are not being sent to a different country then we are excused from the Great Commission. We are not. 

We will each be responsible for all the people we came into contact with, all the people we were supposed to love like God, all the opportunities to be Jesus.

We need to recognize the vast population of dechurched people in North America. We need to understand the unique cultural challenges of doing ministry in this context. We need to intentionally address the very specific obstacles to the propagation of the gospel in North America. In some countries, the gospel faces opposition from animism. In some, from Buddhism. In others, from Islam. 

In North America, the gospel faces opposition from Christianity itself. 

Our job now is to undergo cultural sensitivity training for our own home missions field. Our job is to recognize that we don’t actually have home team advantage here. Christianity is not the default, dominant moral standard. And we don’t have any right to expect it to be. 

We’re fighting an uphill battle on a landscape that has already been ravaged by the war we’ve waged against the culture.

We have to meet people where they are. 

We need to respect the challenges, the baggage and the bondage in North America. 

The pain and fear and shame that the church has instilled in people so that they run away from God. If we really want to reach people for Jesus, we have to look around. We have to stop expecting people to come to us. We have to stop thinking that it’s easy for anybody to just walk into a church. For a lot of people, walking into a church is traumatic at worst and ironic at best. 

If we really believe in this earth-shattering, history-altering, life-changing, time-stopping, world-healing message we have the immense honour and responsibility to carry, then our job is to love.

That’s vague and trite and cliche. Allow me to elaborate. You know how overseas missionaries say that it’s not a job, it’s a lifestyle? Like that. You know how overseas missionaries intentionally create spaces where they can meet people exactly where they are and meet their needs in the best way possible? Like that. You know how overseas missionaries do not consider it their place to judge anybody, simply to demonstrate the love of Jesus? LIKE THAT. You know how overseas missionaries understand that they are guests of their region and are not entitled to a platform but instead have to work to EARN the trust of the people they minister to? LIKE THAT. You know how overseas missionaries spend months and even years carefully building connections in the community and relationships with individuals? LIKE THAT.

It’s not that I think that pastors and missionaries are the only ones in “full time ministry”. We’re all in full time ministry. 

If you consider yourself a Christian and you have a personal relationship with God and you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you’re AUTOMATICALLY in full time ministry. 

It’s like Step 1: Accept Jesus. Step 2: Tell EVERYBODY. Far be it from me to insinuate that missionaries are the only ones doing missions. I am claiming the opposite, in fact. I think that we all need to start thinking of ourselves as missionaries much more seriously than we do right now. 

Whether God has told you to go or to stay, you are where you are because He has placed you there for a purpose. 

I am advocating for a shift in attitude at a corporate level. I am advocating for a change in the way we as the Body conceptualizes outreach.

So what does this look like on a practical level? For one, it looks like acknowledging that we have occupied a position of social and political power for a long time and still do. It’s acknowledging the privilege inherent in living in a society where our religion has been the default for generations. It’s dismantling the myth that a white, straight man is God’s chosen one. It’s divorcing the church from the culture. It’s confronting the racism, misogyny, homophobia and transphobia within our communities. Yeah, I said it. It should be old news to you that I believe homophobia and transphobia to be theologically unsound and antithetical to the gospel. It’s letting go of our need to have our beliefs respected. Truly. Honestly. It’s accepting that we are not entitled to anybody’s time or ears. It’s working to build relationships, to be present in the community, to earn trust and establish credibility before we even think of asking people to engage with us on matters of life and death. It’s respecting the wounds our predecessors have inflicted on our siblings. It’s trying to be a part of the healing instead of claiming that the wound does not exist, or worse, causing even more pain. It’s putting an immediate halt to any kind of exclusion in our communities. 

What part of unconditional love do we not understand? How do we think we’re being salt and light by gatekeeping the gospel???

Whether we’re called to go or to stay, we’re all missionaries.

Okay, so say you've met someone and you guys fell in love. You want to wait till marriage for sex. He isn't a virgin but is willing to wait. Would you still be with him? Why? Or why not?

When talking about that issue on its own, yeah I would still be with him. There are many factors affecting any relationship, but for me, one’s sexual history is not one of them. 

The main thing I look for in a potential husband is a deep and abiding love of Christ. I want someone who will always put God before me; someone who listens to the voice of the Holy Spirit before mine. Someone who knows how to love himself and love me because he understand how God loves us. So I will marry a devout and practising Christian. Probably a charismatic Christian because someone who’s not charismatic might get a teensy bit freaked out by the whole “speaking-in-tongues” thing. 

What happened before they met Jesus really doesn’t matter to me. Whether my future husband was raised in the church and maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he’s known Jesus for years or maybe right now he still hasn’t met Him. Maybe he did drugs and was involved in gangs and committed all sorts of crimes and slept with hundreds of women. Maybe he struggled with depression and low self-worth and faced cutting and suicidal thoughts and all sorts of awful stuff. 

I dunno. But I do know that when you meet Jesus, it’s now just that your life is changed…it’s literally like dying and being reborn as a new person. In church we call it being “born again”. Because God will take your old life and your old identity and give you a brand new one. He will open your eyes and your mind to His vast, unconditional love. Love that is stronger than life and death. Love that stole the keys to the gates of Hell so that you and God could be together for eternity. Love that is stronger than anything that’s happened to you in the past. Stronger than anything you’ve done. Stronger than habits you want to break. Stronger than your own self-deprecating thoughts. 

And God, being divinely and supremely perfect, is the only person in the entire existence of everything who could possibly judge you for your past mistakes. And He doesn’t. He tosses your past transgressions into a sea of forgetfulness and it might as well be as if they never even happened. So who am I to hold them against you? 

If this potential husband were a born again, orthodox, hardcore, practising Christian who is on fire for God and respects me and is willing to wait for marriage, the fact that He’s not a virgin means less than the number of freckles on his elbow. Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine 

Layin' some truth on ya...

Jesus loves everyone. I mean everyone. Every single person on this planet.

“But what about ga..”

“What about divor…”

“Are you sure he likes trans…”

“Hey! What about prosti…”

“You can’t mean musl…”

And if you dare to call yourself a Christian you better love the crap out of EVERYONE too! No matter what.

May God break every weapon.

I can’t understand how anyone can be against people asking to be treated with justice. I can’t understand how anyone can be against people being treated like human beings. I don’t understand why we are still having to protest for these basic rights.

Bottom line is that a horrible crime was committed in broad daylight and we cannot be OK with it being dismissed. Michael Brown is not by any means the only one, it is the one that tested us beyond what we are capable of ignoring. 

Why The Abortion Debate Is Such A Difficult One

The crux of the conflict of opinions on the matter of abortion is that different parties define personhood differently. I think we can all safely agree that murdering an innocent human is wrong, but what qualifies as an innocent human? At what point in development does this creature become a true person? What makes a person? Is it the soul? That intangible essence of existence, the source of all love and character? The thing that you and I fall madly in love with, the undefinable presence of someone's identity? What IS that? How do I measure that? How do I count and quantify and categorize that? How much does it weigh? What does it look like? There is no way to empirically define what makes someone a PERSON. If it's what makes them human, DNA alone would do that. But what is it that we see as sacred and precious? And more importantly, when does it occur? When is that cluster of cells infused with a a soul? When does it become more than just tissue and transform into the vehicle for an identity? When the brain develops? When the heart starts beating? When they emerge from the womb? Or at conception? Who really knows? This concept is so abstract that you can't possibly pinpoint a moment in time and say "there. THAT's when they became a person." Because as soon as they're a person, everyone unanimously agrees that they're worthy of life. As long as that issue remains grey, so will abortion. I've asked many more questions than I've answered. But if you are able to answer the questions I've asked in the space between your own two ears, you can formulate a stance on abortion. I know mine. Please, give it some serious thought. And good luck.

What's your opinion on pregnancy outside of marriage?

(To skip all the words, scroll to the bottom where it says “in conclusion”)Let’s start this one straight up. Jesus said to save sex for marriage. That alone is a good enough reason for me, because I think that God prooobably knows what He’s talking about. But that’s just me. However, here are some reasons why I, in my 19-year-old, human, finite wisdom (so much sarcasm) agree with Him:1) Humans are made to be monogamous. It’s true! We’re always looking for ‘that special someone’. If you don’t know Jesus, a meaningful romantic relationship is sometimes the most…spiritual and transcendent experience in your life. And if you do, it’s probably the second-most spiritual and transcendent experience. We have an inherent tendency to be co-dependent, to define ourselves by someone else. Not saying it’s healthy, just saying it’s true. 2) Ergo, there is a lot of psychological and physiological crap that goes along with sex. For example, sex releases oxytocin, known as the “cuddle hormone” which stimulates feelings of well-being and affection for your partner. It strengthens bonds between sexual partners and between mother and breast-feeding child. Besides that, sex is such a high level of intimacy and vulnerability (you are literally surrendering EVERYTHING to the other person) that it has a huuge effect on our psyche. One of my friends had sex with a guy when she was like 15 or 16 and she could not get over the guy for years and years, even though he was an idiot. Up to TWO THIRDS of prostitutes suffer from post traumatic stress disorder! Because we weren’t meant to live like that. I am a firm believer that a girl who has many sexual partners with no meaningful relationships is showing the symptoms of very low self-esteem and a deep and abiding lack of self-respect. 3) And so, I think that such a level of intimacy, that will have such a big effect on your psyche, should only be achieved with someone to whom you have pledge the rest of your life. Because with such a person, you know you trust them. You trust them enough to let them see the real you, all of you, all your strengths and weaknesses. You are already completely vulnerable with them because they see all your flaws and love you anyway, therefore you are free to be physically vulnerable with them as well. And the psychological effects of sex will only strengthen your relationship, which is great! Okay so now we’ve gotten that out of the way. And that’s really the root “issue” here. Not pregnancy per se, but extramarital sex. You only said pregnancy outside of marriage, which is of course NOT synonymous with teen pregnancy, but I’d like to indulge in a little tangent, if you’ll allow me (haha you have no choice :P) and discourse on that subject briefly. Here are a couple more, rather pragmatic reasons why I think teen pregnancy is a bad idea: 1) When you have a baby, you have to care for a whole other entire person! That is a HUUUUGE responsibility, and I’m not saying you’re not ready for it (although I know I’m definitely not), but I am saying that pretty much EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING in your life becomes secondary to this baby. School, work, friends, hobbies, EVERYTHING falls lower on the priority list than this baby. That could really throw a wrench in your future plans. 2) It IS nice for a child to have the stability of two parents whom a) the child actually knows and b) are constant in the child’s life. That would be the ideal case in a perfect world. This world’s far from perfect. I know that’s not always possible. But if it is, I’d suggest that you do that for you child. Try to give them two parents who will always be there for them. Don’t let them wonder who their mommy or daddy is. Don’t let them watch a string of boyfriends or girlfriends go through your life and never stay long enough to form anything more than a superficial relationship with your child. You know that’s gonna haunt them their whole life.Okay moving on! Obvs, I don’t know your life. I don’t know what you’ve been through. I have had a suuuper safe, sheltered life. I’m 19 and still a virgin, and I wear a purity ring which symbolizes my decision to save sex for marriage. Of course, my opinion’s gonna be biased. Furthermore, like I said in my last answer to a question about homosexuality, Jesus loves you! In fact, imma just block quote that whole part of the answer. 

Jesus said that the most important commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength (okay, cool, makes sense) BUUUTTT….the SECOND most important commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39; Mark 12:29-31) And there are entire chapters of the bible devoted entirely to the importance of loving people (1 Corinthians 13) So! Here are the facts: Fact Number 1: Jesus loves you. Like, He really, REALLY loves you. Deeply, passionately, intimately, overwhelmingly. He loves you enough to die for you. He loves you so much that He DESPERATELY wants to have a personal relationship with you - to talk to you, to hear your thoughts and to walk with you through this life. Fact Number 2: I love you. I think that every single person in the world deserves to be loved and deserves to be respected simply due to the fact that you are a person and God made you and loves you. Okay, so now we’ve established that Jesus loves you and I love you, for no other reason than the fact that you’re alive, and no matter what. That cannot be altered, edited, ignored, abated, cancelled out, destroyed or denied. 

So if someone has had sex, or did get pregnant outside of marriage, IN NO WAY does that make them a bad person, or make them unholy, or make God mad at them, or make God (or me) love them any less. You are still a beautiful person, worthy of love! Just because I personally have made different choices in my life than you  does not mean that I disapprove of you or am judging you or think any less or you, or even any differently of you! In fact, if one of my close friends had a baby, I would actually probably be SO happy to be their auntie Katherine. In conclusion, I think sex outside of marriage is a bad idea. But Jesus loves you and I love you even if you have had sex outside of marriage. Peace and love!-KatherineP.S. Just to establish this, I don’t like abortion (since it’s kind of a propos). So now that’s out there. P.P.S. I am loving these questions! Keep them coming!