I Know That You're Pentecostal But How Do You Feel About Other Christian Faiths Such As Anglicans, Catholics,

The only secrets I cannot keep are my own.

Not that I don't want to.

If I had my way, every single other person in the world would only ever see the carefully made-up, touched up, photoshopped, filtered, edited, reviewed and revised life. They would never know the dark spaces in my heart where the fear and insecurity reside. They would never see the times when I tripped on the cracks in the sidewalk of life. They would never even bear witness to the grimace at the text from the boy I want but can't have. Would never even know that I'm human enough to feel emotion. If I could, I'd smile and lie my way through every conversation, every interaction. I'd keep all the anxiety, all the "I can't do this", all the self-loathing, all the pitiful, sad, scared parts of me locked up deep inside. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty happy, well-adjusted, social person. But I have the parts of me I'm not so proud of, and I have my moments when they seem like the ONLY parts of me. As do we all. 

But these secrets, they're destroying me. I physically cannot exist pretending that I have no struggles, no problems, no flaws. Thankfully for me, I have people around me who care about me. I have a fabulous mama who thinks I'm fabulous too. I have absolutely wonderful friends who love me and because they love me, they tell me the truth. And by sharing my sorrows with them and confessing my downfalls to them, my secrets don't have that power over me anymore. My secrets no longer loom as a mountain that I'll never scale. They're not captives inside me anymore. They're not clamouring against my ribcage to escape my chest. They're not gripping my throat and choking me anymore. My secrets aren't my demons anymore. I've been given love and advice and perspective and the distorted lens through which I viewed my secrets has been removed by the clarity of other people's words. Wow, you mean I'm NOT a terrible person? My whole life isn't ruined? I AM gonna be okay? What?! 

You know what I mean. We're so adept at creating our own private torture. We're so skilled at turning our own heads into prisons. We obsess over our slip-ups. We play it over again and again and again and again and again and again. The endless loop of failure. We rip it to shreds analyzing every syllable, every inflection in the voice, every glance, ever thought, every breath. 

If you grew up in the church, maybe you, like I, know the fear of transparency that exists in there. We have this tendency to put on a mask every time we enter that building. Casting Crowns wrote a song I love called Stained Glass Masquerade and one of the lines says "am I the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage?" That line always resonates with me. And I heard a pastor say once upon a time "we would rather confess our sins to a sinless God than to our fellow sinful humans." I don't know what it is, but I see it in myself and my close friends - that quality of perfectionism. It's stupid cause the church is not for perfect people. It's for decidedly imperfect people. I recognize my severe imperfection and the fact that I need Jesus. So why am I so afraid to admit it to the people around me? 

Let it go. Let it out. Find someone who loves you. Someone you trust. Don't give the secrets the power. If you have no one else to talk to, talk to me. I'm never ever gonna judge you for anything. Just don't keep it a secret. 

January 1st Reflections

Welcome to 2014 everybody. I know that the beginning of a new year is always a time for nostalgia and a time for optimism. It creates a fresh start for those who feel that they may need one. And I do understand the wonder when the clock strikes midnight and you start Day 1 of 365. 

But I would like to remind you that this is simply another 365 days. It's another circle 'round the sun. It's the beginning of a new calendar, which is a socially constructed method of keeping track of our planet's rotations, determined largely by greek rulers ages and ages ago. 

There is nothing magic about the new year. The single second that makes the difference in the date has no power whatsoever. The gravity you ascribe to the new year is entirely in your head. New beginnings have nothing to do with the date and everything to do with you. 

You can start over any second of any day of any month. You can quit anything, drop everything, pick up and leave. You can switch your major or your school or your career path. You can change anything at all about your life and you don't have to wait for the perfect time to do it. Firstly because there is no time like the present and secondly because there is no guarantee that the perfect time will even happen. 

If you want to lose 10 pounds, start RIGHT NOW. If you want to get your finances in order, start RIGHT NOW. If you want to fix relationships, start RIGHT NOW. If you want to reinvent your image, start RIGHT NOW. If you want to learn something new, start RIGHT NOW. If you want to develop your character, start RIGHT NOW. 

Nothing is to be accomplished by waiting. New Year's resolutions are so seldom fulfilled because too much emphasis is placed on the circumstances of the resolution and too little is placed on the conviction behind the resolution. 

The magic is in you. Not in the day. 

simone weil said "absolutely unmixed attention is prayer." to pay absolute attention to the injustice in the world is to recognize the absence of God in the world. to pay attention to God's absence is to manifest his presence in the places where he is most needed, for the most vulnerable, for those who need him the most, for those he loves: the ones to whom he gives attention.

kinda super proud of this braid today 

My Commitment to You

I cannot fix everything, as much as I want to. I can't kiss it and make it all better or put a bandaid on it and magically cure all ailments. 

But I can be there. 

I have arms to hug you with. I have a shoulder for you to cry on. I have ears to listen. I have eyes to see you for who you truly are. I have lips to tell you all the wonderful things about yourself. 

I promise that I will never tell you that what you are feeling is wrong or invalid. I promise that I will always acknowledge your pain. 

I promise that I will always encourage you. I promise that I will always be a source of hope and optimism. I promise that I will remind you of why you are a beautiful human being. I promise that I will remind you that life is worth it. I promise that I will cheer you on. 

I promise that I won't give up on you. 

I promise that I will love you, fiercely, unconditionally, and inexorably. I promise that I will never stop loving you no matter what. 

That's what I CAN do. 

Do not say to me "it's all about the fetus" with that bitterness in your tone!

Abortion is not about who we like more - the mother or the fetus! This is an issue of quality of life vs. sanctity of life. And as I've said before, no one can prove at what point between conception and birth that clump of cells becomes a human. But we all agree that once it pops out of the birth canal, it is a person, and THEN it's wrong to kill it. So here's my big issue. For me, sanctity of life ALWAYS trumps quality of life. I'm not going to justify killing an unborn person just for the comfort of someone who's ALREADY been born. IF (that's a big IF) one believes that a fetus is a person, then an abortion is a murder for the sake of sparing someone inconvenience. I know I know I know there are so many reasons why someone might get an abortion. What you're saying there is that in some circumstances the fetus is not a person. Unless you don't believe a fetus is ever a person, then whatever. But you have to take a stance. If you think abortion is only justified in some circumstances, then you have some gaps in your understanding of personhood. Because you're basically saying there that only when the mother decides she wants the baby does the baby indeed become human. I'm not asking you to agree with me. I am asking you to really think about why you believe what you believe. Don't say "it's all about he fetus" as if we were choosing the fetus over the mother because if you say that to me, I will respond "yes! In this instance, it is about the fetus for me because the fetus is the one who might die!" Think about what you say. Think about what you think. This is a brutally complicated topic and we all run the risk of oversimplifying it sometimes, which is exactly what the titular statement does.

Thanks for the follow. Blessings!

No prob bro! Thanks for stopping by :) 

“I wondered if that was why God hated sin, because of the destruction it caused. For a moment I felt awe for a God who loved me enough to hate the things that hurt me without hating me for causing them.”

—

Susan E. Isaacs (via everfleeting)

so much feels

(via forevermessiah)

KB’s ruthless advice for grownups

whatever happened to you is not your fault, but how you handle it is your responsibility. 

if you don’t deal with your shit, no one will. 

other people do not exist for your consumption. 

happiness, self-worth, and love do not come from other people. make your own happiness, decide your own self worth, love yourself. no one else is gonna do that for you. 

you are in control of your life. be purposeful. 

feelings are valid, but they often lie, and they always fade. learn not to be at their mercy. 

your choices are what make you who you are. choose wisely. 

Do you think God or Jesus would get mad if someone had sex before they got married?

No, I absolutely do not think that God would get mad. Because, you see, God is very consistent, and all sin is equal to God. Sex before marriage is just as bad as murder, but also just as bad as saying hurtful words. And you don’t see God smiting me with lightning every time I lose my temper. Thank goodness for that!God loves us. He knows that we’re going to screw up. And yes, our screw-ups separate us from His perfection and His glory, but He didn’t want that, so He made a way for us to be close to Him even though we’re imperfect and corrupt. That was the cross. God’s grace is infinite! It’s like a tidal wave that crashes over you and snatches you up in the inexorable current and tumbles you head over heels in it’s wake. It submerges you completely, until you don’t even know which way is up anymore. But that’s okay, because unlike real life water, God’s living water makes you feel like you can finally breathe again, and that there’s no weight pushing down on you at all. It makes you feel like you can fly, like you’re soaring high up in the atmosphere, weaving in and out of clouds, and you haven’t a care in the world! God’s grace is vast enough to handle our mistakes. He will not get mad at us for having sex before marriage. He wouldn’t necessarily be delighted with us, but I picture Him as the father who’s all like “I’m not mad…I’m disappointed." I know, that kind of makes me want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out again. BUT! Here’s the really big, gigantic, ginormous, massive, humongous BUT! When we go to God and we’re like "I know I screwed up, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me and make me all perfect and beautiful and spotless again." He does! The bible says that He will throw our sins into the "sea of forgetfulness" - that expression comes from Micah 7:19: 

 19 

You will again have compassion on us;    you will tread our sins underfoot    and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

The bible also says that He has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west in Psalm 103:12: 

12 He has removed our sins as far from us    as the east is from the west.

So basically, never be afraid of God if you feel like you’ve done something He wouldn’t like. Because the minute you approach Him in contrition, He is so ready to hug you and say “It’s okay, I forgive you and I love you.” That applies to any and every sin out there! Peace and love! -Katherine