Deepdiveintotheblue - Skyline

“How long will it feel like burning, said the child trying to be kind.”

— Anne Carson, from Decreation; Lines.

somedays, the urge to disappear from the face this earth is very enchanting to me

just like taylor would say

"My elegies, eulogize me "

On days where i want to be wrapped

around your arms

I want to be embraced in the warmth

Of your presence

fuck, just felt this emotion rn inside of me

[slow dancing, silk textures, hands on her waist, fireworks, velvet touch, euphoric music, black dresses, red roses, moonlit serenade slow songs, lana del rey, letters, lips, forehead to forehead, eye contact, gentleness, candlelit ambiance, whispered secrets, starlit night, soft whispers, vintage charm, lingering perfume, shared laughter, hidden glances, stolen moments, timeless romance.]

I mean, I do have this placement but let's see. Manifesting✨️💅

Moon darakarka (in female chart)

Future spouse ( green flag)

Caring

Emotional

Loyal

Emotional supportive

Nurturing

Deep eyes

Sensitive

Protective

Good cook

Virginia Woolf, from a letter to Lytton Strachey (September 1925)

heaviness.

this week i felt so heavily taxed it’s like i’m being robbed of something.

i don’t want to be here. i don’t want to be around anyone but a few, i don’t want to be perceived, i don’t want to be thought of. i don’t want the smiles from certain people because i don’t deserve them, i have fooled them with only a few actions they’ve seen of me and the surface that looks clean and flawless. that’s the thing— if only they knew me deeply would they maybe back the hell away, not smile as much, refuse to look me in the eye with such cordiality.

i am not even being cruel to myself. i am honesty right now. this heaviness weighs on my back like a load i can’t pretend isn’t there anymore. i look in the mirror and the reflection is so tired, so fed up. if only i could open the minds of people around me just to erase the memory of me from them and disappear somewhere. if only everyone forgot me for a second, and i had no trace of prior existence— a fresh start where i can begin newly again, where perhaps even i’d be known to myself as someone with less baggage, less of all the bad things that have happened to me and continue to happen under the surface which makes it all the more insidious and sickening. i am tired of myself. of the people who made me who i am today. i hope to get lighter. so much so that i fly away as if filled with helium, never to come back down on this wretched planet with its wretched people who see the worst in me and the deceived who see the best in me.

― Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma

You are going to be okay.