They Say, "they Want A Lover." But I Want Something More Than A Lover. I Want Him In Ways That Make Me
They say, "they want a lover." But I want something more than a lover. I want him in ways that make me feel weak, vulnerable, terrifying, possessive, and soft-hearted all at the same time. I want him to consume me, and I want to consume him. His entire world, his words, his thoughts, each and every breath that he takes with me. I want a lover that scares me to my core and rips me apart every night, only to be consumed by him in a way it feels like my entirety makes some sense. My existence should be threatened by him and possess him to explore me more and more and more until there's no more of us left within. I want to hold him in my arms and softly hum in his ears on days where the entire world is falling apart for him, where the existence seems to be denying us. I want him to love and love me and love me and love me until I feel like bitting him in the neck and leaving him breathless with all the tension between us. I want to see his soul and make him feel weak and strong both at the same time. And then when I leave him, I want him to crave for us like no other.
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Will I be too needy and greedy
to be asking for a 50mint long hug?
Cause, I want to be swallowed by the
feeling of warmth in my body
I can feel my heart turning to a stone
Everytime I run towards love, i could
feel my stone cold heart knocking
against my rib cage
it breaks my bones
it hurts a lot
and sit still for a while
until it goes away.
Until I meet someone new
who again makes me want to feel
embrace the warmth.
But the cycle continues.
Its so offensive to see other live the life you've prayed for. That feeling is so raw, like I see that there might be some god up there and he definitely has some favorites.
Dear September,
I hope you will be kind, would you please leave the bad behind. Each month I ask the same, to others of a different name. But I have a feeling that you, september, will grant my request, just let this month be one of peace, one of the best, I'll figure out the rest.
Kind Regards, someone living life with hope and a tired heart.
The lights almost out now.
and I'm not gonna share any of it with anyone
i want romance. i want intimacy. i want the 2 am love making. i want consistency, loyalty. i want the random looks of admiration. i want to know you're just for me. i want date nights. i want love so pure and true. i want it because i can return it.
this is not love, i'm a glorified doorstop .
[i don't smoke ~ mitski / please be rude ~ gigi perez / step on me ~ the cardigans / you can be mean ~ indigo de souza / wurli ~ dominic fike / jigsaw ~ conan gray]
“How long will it feel like burning, said the child trying to be kind.”
— Anne Carson, from Decreation; Lines.
I'm trying my best
Short Story Recommendations
These all fuck me up to a varying degree of emotions
Crime
Philomel Cottage - Agatha Christie
Lamb to the Slaughter - Roald Dahl
Death and the Compass - Jorge Luis Borges
Horror
The Landlady - Roald Dahl
A Walk in the Dark - Arthur C Clarke
The Wife’s Story - Ursula K Le Guin
The Veldt - Ray Bradbury
The Hanging Stranger - Philip K Dick
The Colour out of Space - H P Lovecraft
The Spider - Hanns Heinz Ewers
Sad
The Life You Save May Be Your Own - Flannery O’Connor
A Small, Good Thing - Raymond Carver
Cathedral - Raymond Carver
The Haunted Boy - Carson McCullers
The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas - Ursula K. Le Guin
The Chef - Andy Weir
The Martyr - Ngugi Wa Thiong’o
Jambula Tree - Monica Arak de Nyeko
The Rats Do Sleep At Night - Wolfgang Borchert
Sci-Fi
Love is the Plan the Plan is Death - James Tiptree Jr
The Last Question - Isaac Asimov
The Nine Billion Names of God - Arthur C Clarke
The Star - Arthur C Clarke
Reunion - Arthur C Clarke
The Commuter - Philip K Dick
Exhibit Piece - Philip K Dick
To Serve Man - Damon Knight
Brothers Beyond the Void - Paul W Fairman
What the Fuck?!
The Lottery - Shirley Jackson
A Collapse of Horses - Brian Evenson
Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby - Donald Barthelme
Hopeful Monsters - Hiromi Goto
The Box Social - James Reaney
He-y come on ou-t - shinichi hoshi
The Garden of Forking Paths - Jorge Luis Borges
Stories of Your Life and Others - Ted Chiang (just the entire collection bro)
Other
Broken Routine - Jeffrey Archer
A Man Who Had No Eyes - Mackinlay Kantor
Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been - Joyce Carol Oates
The Lady, or the Tiger - Frank R Stockton
The Continuity of Parks - Julio Cortázar
The Dinner Party - Mona Gardner
A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings - Gabriel García Márquez
On Exactitude in Science - Jorge Luis Borges
