And I'm Not Gonna Share Any Of It With Anyone

Kurt Vonnegut, from Mother Night; "Chapter Six Hundred & Fourty Three,"

Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

— Hanif Abdurraqib, from “They Can't Kill Us Until They Kill Us.”

"Bare your soul to me"

-Janet Suhh

fuck, just felt this emotion rn inside of me

The lights almost out now.

Dear September,

I hope you will be kind, would you please leave the bad behind. Each month I ask the same, to others of a different name. But I have a feeling that you, september, will grant my request, just let this month be one of peace, one of the best, I'll figure out the rest.

Kind Regards, someone living life with hope and a tired heart.

last day of august.

There's distractions and then the feeling slipping in between your ribs, and it doesn't go away It doesn't seem to have a cause or an end so you just keep yourself busy enough Enough to ignore it and sometimes forget it exists, then everyone goes home and you go home and it slips right back in between your ribs like it never left because it never did. Because there's nothing wrong Not with anything surrounding you, it's something broken inside of you, But I've never known how to fix that and at this point I don't think I ever will.

what is it that keeps me diving in and out of this mess, that is my heart?

I keep getting closer, yet so farther away

I wanna be touched, kissed, smothered

but at the same time held, caressed and loved

but also choked, pinned, and slammed

all these feelings yet I ask you the same question

where are you?

can you please come home soon?

can you please just hold me a lil bit higher?

can you not complain that I'm being needy?

and can you also not complain that I'm being distant with you?

Idk how to heal ny heart

idk how to feel anymore

I feel rushed and crushed under this pile of my age

I've 20,21,22 and 23

everyone of them have felt the same

I wanna change and runaway

I wanna hide and bite and kiss you all at the same time

Idk my extent of my emotions