I Love How I Even Told Him Of How Much I've Been Trying To Die And Failing Lately. And All He Has To

i wonder, does my friend actually think I have npd?

i love how I tell him how I'm more suicidal again recently (I hate the 20th/19th of January) and what does that fuck do? "oh..."

and proceeds to forget about it.

man I just don't fucking matter and everyone continually proves it.

vaguely religious thoughts are back, drop all friends when school is done, break up with partners, (try to) get a job, kill self before 2026.

why do I barely bleed. I hit deep styros again (wouldn't say baby beans even though I think I saw a few)

and it's barely bleeding or dripping. why does this happens with all my cuts.

being online but not responding to anyone

is it bad I want someone to do bad things with. to cut with. get high or drunk with. go around at night with. do teenage things with. but no, cant and couldn't have that.

Screaming at the top of my lungs

"I fucking deserve this"

"Baby was it worth it?"

Guess I wasn't worth shit

we are all born to die right? so is it wrong of me to speed up the process?

being pissed while suicidal is leading up to a great idea later tonight

great im sick.

and it wasn't just a slow build. its like I got hit by a fucking semi today and immediately I'm sick with a ruined throat.