crayonboy

Latest Posts by crayonboy

This is??? So sweet??? Fuck that family tho tbh

good evening to eldest daughters, people with a complicated relationship with their mother, service industry workers, big tiddy bitches, college dropouts, people who are spiritual but not religious, they/thems, nintendo gamers, and friendless loners

fabric studies 04 *programs: photoshop and Sai __________________________________

•ArtStation •OnlineShop •Instagram •deviantart •BUYMECOFFEE! COMMISSION INFO  

He WILL scream

The Story (I got caught) -Theft under $5000

Strap in kids, this is a long one.

So I skip my class at 4:30 (I should have just gone…lol) to go to the mall that is pretty close to the mall I had my class at (the place I go to for DBT, rents space from the mall). I am beyond fucked at this point (coked up, high on weed, and slightly tipsy.. a winning combo for lifting) but I decide to hit my fave store anyway (it’s literally at every mall in my province..). I go up to the men’s section and go to town selecting a TON (also, don’t take as much as I did from 1 store..) of larger sized items from the Ralph Lauren section. I begin to do my usual detagging on the floor (away from cams), nothing is sus. There’s some old guys selecting shirts but I didn’t see the plain clothed LP. I make my way downstairs and out to the exit where my car is located. Suddenly, I turn around and see a guy walking up to me and I froze. He announces he’s LP and wants me to come back inside; I co-operate (if you ever want me to do something, give me coke..) Plus I was basically at my car. I’m too out of shape to drop and run, and if I dropped shit & if I ran & got in my car in my car later, I figured the cops would show up to my parents house based on the plates (can’t have that. I’m already on rocky fences with so many parking tickets).

KEEP IN MIND I SURVEIL MY SURROUNDINGS BEFORE I LEAVE!! I DONNO WHERE THIS FUCKER CAME FROM!!

We go into his office and he begins to ask me why I took this stuff. Being non-binary, I explained I wanted more masculine clothing for when I start my transition. Oddly enough, the cop & LP asked why I had sports bras? I guess I either passed well, or homies donno about binding (cop did.. but that’s another paragraph)??! Reading the shit about magnets on here had me sketched. When he wasn’t looking, I grabbed the magnet from my bra and dropped it down the back of my pants. Then kinda manuevered it from my butt crack to my vag, then up inside. If you looked at me, you’d probably think I was adjusting my thong or something. Smooth fucking operator. After some questioning about my motives and level of remorse (apparently I wasn’t remorseful enough for the cop??), and filling out some legal papers, the LP asks me if I had a magnet to remove the tags. I told him “Nooo! I just kinda tore the sensor apart”. Hehe. Vagina magnet, ftw. The cop then asks me to go with him in his cruiser so he can check my car for other stolen goods?!

At this point I’m freaking out. I send him on a wild goose chase for my car, hoping he’d just give up. But homie says, “One more chance. One more guess, or you’re going to jail tonight”. I immediately think, “well, guess I’m fucked either way”, so I direct him to the lot my car is in.

After a talk about trans issues, he goes to my car and looks for the weed I told him I left inside, as well as my grinder & bong. He only shines a light into my car, and seemed to only grab the weed I mentioned (I told him everything he’d find in my car besides the coke and alcoholic drink)He let’s me keep my bong, but takes my weed and grinder. I am SO lucky he didn’t open the OJuice container or go through my wallet where my coke was. I would have got dinged with a DUI. He even told me, “if I find something harder than weed, you’re fucked”.

Soooo yeah…. that was my experience tonight. Hopefully this was in depth enough that you learned from my stupidity.

I have a promise to appear in a month where I find out what is gonna happen. Only got charged on the theft, nothing else. Bless me. Hopefully, all I’ll have to do is community service (which I frigging love to do anyway). I mean, the dude I was seeing last year got busted for dealing drugs and only got community service… Why not me?? THINGS I DID WRONG:

~get too cocky (I’ve lifted $20,000 + without getting caught)

~wearing heavy boots & couldn’t run

lifting under the influence

~parking too close to an exit (like literally 3 spots deep. Im so dumb)

~not dressing for the area (went to a richish area, did not look the part)

~went in without my purse/wallet/ID (Purse would have helped me blend in. Probably looked weird when I came in with just my coat)

~entered the store from outside with my coat off (it was coat weather, but I was overheating on coke so I immediately looked unnatural for the weather/day)

90% sure I hit this store last week and lifted like $4XX in Calvin/RL jeans (I can’t remember.. I was high on weed/tipsy and I don’t remember the locations I hit last week (REMEMBER THEM. WRITE THEM DOWN IF YOU HAVE TO!!) vary your stores. Hell I haven’t hit my hometown location in a month and still heard “Security scan section 1” today… ahhh karma)

THINGS I DID RIGHT:

~Co-operate

~was (somewhat) honest about my reason for lifting

~added personal issues to complicate my story (ones I used are; family life, transition, homelessness, mental health/disability)

~was (somewhat) honest with the cop about other items in the vehicle & their location(s)

~unknowingly left my weed out in the open, which served as a great distraction to hide the alcoholic drink/coke

~put my magnet up my mother fucking vag!!

Formatting though… fuck that

All the Ontario anti-theft program did for me was...

1) Make me hate our religion based laws/country even more 2) Say “fuck it. I’m learning to hack/code. If I’m gonna be charged the same with a pack of gum as a $5000 LV purse… Go big or go home. I have all the clothes and purses I’ll ever need. Let’s go steal some government data next".

so i don’t know how we didnt get caught

my first ever haul was maybe when I was twelve?? I dont know, but what I do know is i was broke and wanted free shit. my dad took a friend of mine and i to Walmart to get food and we asked if we could wander off. he said yes so we made a dash to the makeup.

we walked in that place with two empty backpacks and left THROUGH THE SAME DOOR, with two full of makeup and one full of alcohol. nobody noticed shit.

first we went and dumped stuff we liked from the shelves in a cart and shit, acting like idiots pretending to be rich because of all the stares we were getting. I even decided to be brave and ask a fucking worker “which color would look better on me” before deciding out loud to get them both.

We would have gotten more but people were getting hella sus and looking back on it I don’t know how anybody, specifically the three workers there, didn’t stop us. We literally turned a corner and began running, pushing our cart through every aisle desperately trying to find a blind spot.

Once we found one we sat there for a long time shoving things into our two backpacks for at least fifteen minutes. Every time we saw someone we would fucking look at all the kids toys. (keep in mind we both looked way older than we were) We got some more stares from both workers and customers but we continued as soon as they were gone.

Once everything was in the backpacks (which were made of red material that we later realized was slightly transparent) we bolted again, abandoning the empty cart with hundreds of dollars of makeup protruding from the top of the stuffed drawstring bags.

We freaked the fuck out, thinking that the barcodes would set off the towers at the exit (lol) so we ran into a bathroom and into a single stall where we sat ON THE FLOOR where anybody could see under the stall and took everything out of the boxes and shoving them back into the bags. once that was done we just left them there and bolted.

we left the store but we needed to go find my dad and his girlfriend so we left our bags under the fucking car and went back in to find them. we did and they weren’t even half way through shopping so we wandered around and i got the stupid idea to grab another backpack and go get some alcohol. we did pretty much the same thing again and ran out to hide the bag under the car. We went back in to ask my dad for the keys and we rushed to grab the things and hide in the car. We were in there for another hour looking through all of our stolen stuff looking at eachother like ‘daaammmmmn’

it was a miracle that we got away with that.

just discovered the shoplifting community

oh my god.

there are a lot of delusional people on tumblr-this is one of the worst cases i’ve seen. 

if you are shoplifting for survival; i understand. i apologize for the tough situation you are in. 

if you are shoplifting for luxury makeup, cute clothes that only fit you, etc.; you suck. sorry bout it. there are so many employees who are punished for your doings. none of this is cute or brave, it’s disgusting. stop putting others at risk for a couple of earrings from Claire’s and 15 makeup palettes from Ulta. 

“cowards; you’re being ripped off by the system, by stores.” uhh last time i checked, exchanging legal tender in exchange for goods is a normal thing that helps companies and is fair to the purchaser??? if you think something is too expensive, don’t buy it :) (of course unless it’s a vital medication, etc.) 

oh, i almost forgot to mention~~stealing is ..wait…..illegal! so anti lifters are just ABIDING BY THE ACTUAL LAW (crazy, right????)

i hope ya’ll get arrested.

The words of a generation

vibe check! *wraps my arms around your waist from behind and gently rests my head between your shoulder blades*

dedicated to all the solar-haters out there, all the nuclear power lovers, all the coal lovers - each individual black dot above (if filled with today’s solar panels) could power the entire world and all of our needs, out to 2030 levels. 

Good luck arguing why we need another hydroelectric dam that will make countless species go extinct, we could easily put solar panels on every roof (where the land has already been claimed) and achieve this goal in a decentralized way. Centralized power generation is part of the problem, the above is only to show how little of the world we would need to cover in solar panels to meet everyone’s energy needs. 

Once again we return to the familiar conclusion that poverty or scarcity is an engineered weapon and nothing more. We live in a world of abundance. 

City Solarpunk vs. Country Solarpunk

So lately it occurred to me that it seems like you could split people’s ideas about Solarpunk into two categories: “City” Solarpunk and “Country” Solarpunk.

 “City” Solarpunk:

 Tends to focus more on the idea of cities as humanity’s future, and how to improve them to that end. Better urban design/planning, apartment living, walkability, better streets, better communities, etc. Want to make cities “greener” in both tech and look.

“Country” Solarpunk:

 More of a focus on the idea of Earthships and the Homestead, as well as a preference for smaller communities closer to nature. Preference for self-sufficiency for the household and the community. 

Both of these outlooks are perfectly valid! (Though I’m partial to City Solarpunk myself) In my opinion, any realistic future is going to include a little of both. This is also very much based on my own observations and ideas, so take this with a grain of salt. I just find the differences in what people think about when they think of Solarpunk very interesting. 

can u maybe do a blacklight stimboard 👉👈

An interesting thing to realize about internet transmisogynists who post pictures of trans women they don’t find attractive as “proof” that we as a community are deserving of mockery and mistreatment is that the actual ethical framework operating under this basic bitch internet nastiness is “I don’t think that people I don’t find sexually attractive and fuckable deserve human rights, I think your access to human rights should correlate to how much I want to bump my genitals with yours” and if you think about it, it doesn’t get any more deranged and creepy than that, it’s like taking the attitude of a nasty high school bully and making it into your adult political-ethical framework without realizing how much it fundamentally speaks to the fact you’re a deranged creep.

why closed captioning should always be provided on every video:

Deaf People Exist

auditory processing disorder is a Bitch

people with ADHD can find it hard to concentrate on what is being said without the words in front of them

^autistic people for the same reason

autistic people may also find it hard to interpret verbal messages within the context of the video, so it's useful to have written alternatives to fall back on

do you know how painful it is to be excluded from every joke, every video, every conversation because others just Can't Be Bothered?

some people live in a conservative household or with family who don't share the same ideals, and they may not have privacy to view things on their own, so they may need to watch things with the volume extremely low or muted

We Want To Watch Videos In Public, Dammit

feel free to add on!

as always, ableism will get you blocked (:

Annihilation (2018) Directed by Alex Garland

TODAY’S choices are tomorrows body

Today’s CHOICES are tomorrows body

Today’s choices ARE tomorrows body

Today’s choices are TOMORROWS body

Today’s choices are tomorrows BODY

Ready, Fire, Aim!

#NotJusSayin

this is the funniest tweet i’ve seen in months bye

Spent the day harvesting our mandarin tree which yielded an impressive 1,100 (!!) oranges which will be shared with all our neighbors and local food bank. 🍊

This one hits close to home. Love to all of you who have beautiful noses 😅❤️

Has it been a hot minute since you took a shit?

Did you binge recently and your tummy is looking for relief?

Are you considering fucking up your whole ass body with laxatives-seriously dont fucking take laxatives-because regularly suggested substitutes like coffee, fiber, and peppermint tea aren’t helping?

I offer you Bang Keto Coffee

By now you’ve probably heard of the bang energy drinks which are zero cal and come in a variety of flavors, I personally find them too sweet , but did you know they also have a small line of coffee energy drinks!

I don’t know what it is about these drinks but they send me to the bathroom sometimes multiple times a can Bonus they taste great and definitely supply energy shaking!!

I shit you not, you will shit!

me: Food is real. It's tangible nourishment for bodies, we need it to live.

my ed: Food is a social construct

me: No-

my ed: It is tho

me:

my ed: and it makes u fat

me: pass the fucking tea

Me: *considers eating a healthy snack thats literally 2 fucking calories*

Ana and Mia: