Tactic To Earn A Degree? Unfortunately Only Possible.

Not a bad way to win an argument, especially with Thorin

Bilbo : How petty can you get?

Thorin : I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Such posts make me rethink everything I know about my body and, surprisingly, they help with maintaing my self-esteem on its level. Seeing such mundane things as "walking on two legs" appearing as wonderful is really wholesome.

Centaurism is when over many generations, a pair of front limbs goes from being used for support and locomotion to being permanently held off the ground for grasping, object manipulation, or other purposes. Basically turning a pair of front feet into a pair of hands.

Having four legs is often considered to be the ideal number for large animals, being very stable and resource efficient.

Therefore, it stands to reason that intelligent aliens with six limbs (4 legs, 2 hands) or more would be very common, and tool use on planets where the equivalent to Earth's vertebrates have 6 legs would be much more common among species than it is on Earth.

Aliens would be astounded by our ability to balance on merely two feet and our incredible flexibility. They would also be fascinated that some species of birds of all things figured out how to use tools.

"How did your raven use the key card?! Its front limbs are wings! Its back limbs are legs! It doesn't have hands!"

"She used her mouth."

"Ohhhhhhhhhh... Amazing."

I think a side effect of de-aging Thorin in the movies and still presenting Fíli and Kíli as his definitive heirs is making him gay-coded. In the book, he's the oldest in the Company and it's too late for him to have children, but in the Jackson movies, he's perfectly young enough to get married and have an heir after he reclaims Erebor (as kings do), but nobody expects him to and everybody considers Fíli as the next king without a doubt for...reasons?

They made him look like the gay uncle is all I'm saying.

Aliens are floored by tardigrades

Life is pretty resilient. It has to be, especially if the rest of the Galaxy thinks we're from a Deathworld. In comparison then, if their planets are not as demanding, would life there ever be under enough pressure to survive to go to the extreme lengths that some Earth creatures do? I think one of the most profound things aliens might learn from Earth and Humanity is just how powerful life itself can be.

That itself could shake their understanding of themselves - a billion year old civilization could never even conceive of a thing we accept as simple fact, ushering a revolution in thinking not seen in eons.

___________________________

The Galactic Coalition scientists are busying themselves with obtaining, analyzing, categorizing, and integrating the libraries of information Humanity has brought with them as they incorporate into the greater space faring matrix of civilizations.

A good grasp of Physics, though lacking in certain fields for now; unmatched Engineering doctrines, they really do think of everything, although, perhaps, better to say - they really do attempt everything, then take notes and improve for the next attempt.

Chemistry is another fine addition to the collective knowledge base, a disproportionate part of the catalogue is comprised entirely of explosive reagents and combinations - always good to know more about what NOT to do.

And Biology. Oh boy. What a chaotic but beautiful but also disturbing mess. Life on most planets has a long period of just chugging along, surviving as best it can, until eventually something has the bright idea to evolve the ability to have bright ideas. Then in almost no time at all (on a cosmic scale) a dominant intelligence emerges and civilization alongside it, and in the blink of an eye it finds itself exploring the stars.

A similar pattern happened on Earth, but interrupted alarmingly often by utter catastrophes. Humans call them Mass Extinctions. It is exceedingly rare to find life that can talk about its own extinction events. Kind of deflates the term a bit. Life on planets as inhospitable (by Galactic norms) as Earth tends to be found only as fossils, and almost always on the microscopic level - very rarely do they get the chance to form more complex and advanced lifeforms before the planet with its harsh conditions and scarce resources kills it just as randomly as it spawned it.

We were incredibly saddened to learn from the Humans that the biodiversity of Earth had dwindled by roughly 85% since they accidentally created that giant hole on their planet, and that it had already been on a steady decline before then. Even so, when they revealed there were still 2.4 million species alive on Earth was a shockingly high number. Most are on the brink of extinction, yes, but the fact remains that Earth is easily one of the most biodiverse planets in the Galaxy.

Then we started looking at each individual species and learned about the Tardigrade.

what

It is literally the toughest creature ever discovered, and it's not even close. At least, so far, we haven't looked at absolutely everything Earth has or had yet.

It can just... basically turn itself off and then back on again when the outside becomes livable again - Cryptobiosis, or suspending their metabolism, something we considered only possible through artificial means. And the levels of various extreme they can endure and still be alive would just be utterly ridiculous if they didn't give us samples to confirm for ourselves.

Then we came across the term Extremophile and just decided to take a day off.

"We call it vff," said the alien. "It's - it's hard to describe to a species without vffsense. Imagine trying to describe light to a species that never evolved eyes. But there are forms of life that are only perceptible with vffsense, and they've visited Earth and fed on life as long as it's existed here."

There was a pause.

Then the human said, "That's the worst thing you've ever said."

"Don't worry about it."

"I think I have to, now."

"No, because - well - you have a species of spider which pretends to be an ant, correct? It's not capable of understanding the fact that it's mimicking an ant, but it instinctually mimics an ant in order to deter predators."

"Sure?"

"Humans produce a vff to mimic varths, predators only perceptible through vffsense. The organisms that would like to feed on you are terrified of varths, and so they leave you alone. You aren't aware you do it, you don't have the capacity to understand you're doing it, but you evolved to instinctually do it to deter predators you can't see."

There was a pause.

Then the human said in a very soft and thoughtful voice, "And are there varths on Earth?"

"Yes," said the alien. "Everywhere. But don't worry about it."

Continuing my quest of headcanoning the lotr races to be as inhuman as possible, hobbits are immune to so much shit.

They're covered in fur that keep them warm in any climate (Up on the mountain pass every other member of the fellowship would have frozen to death three times over before any of the hobbits started to feel something), but their fur also know how to air out properly, so they aren't affected by hot climates either (The heat of mount doom was a cake walk for Sam and Frodo. Everything else, not so much), and they have surprisingly thick skin that protects them against a lot of injuries, especially around their feet meaning they never get worn out. The same goes with food and drinks, it takes a lot to get a hobbit intoxicated (The alcohol concentration in their ale is insane), and no poison affects them. Like, when Shelob stabbed Frodo, man's was fucking fine. The stab was the problem, not her venom. In fact, headcanon time, Shelob's venom is an insta kill, but since Hobbits are practically immune and Orcs are resilient as heck, the most it causes is like a temporary paralysis. Poor Shelob is very confused as to why her stings ain't killing these people but just kinda knocking them out for a few hours.

In conclusion, Hobbits are the perfect specimen, made to survive in any climate and in any situation, and they could have easily taken over Middle Earth if they wanted to. They don't want to tho, so we're good

Should've won the Oscar for best original song (or sth, I don't the exact names of the categories) once The Hobbit was released as a movie.

This one is for my one and only true love

Bilbo Baggins

Bilbo, you're so cool

And with my stone, we're gonna rule

Bilbo, understand

I'm gonna love you 'til the very end

Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo

Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo

I love you, oh

Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo

Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo

I love you, oh

Trolls, humans, and an Elven King too

A thousand troops of orcs couldn't keep me from you

Bilbo Baggins, at the end of the line

I'll make you mine, oh

Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo

Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo, Beebo

I love you, oh

Beebo, Beebo, Bilbo, Bilbo

— Thorin in his head, probably

(Thread on the ex-🐦 here)

Balin: Bilbo, if you want to court Thorin, you must first understand how truly literal minded dwarves can be. You really have to spell it out if you want to tell him you're interested. Bilbo: Ok. I've got this. *turns to Thorin* I'm extremely attracted to you and I want to be your boyfriend. Thorin: *looking sad* Are you rehearsing so you can propose to your hobbit love back home? Bilbo: Wow.

loving lord of the rings is the secksiest personality trait there is btw