I Wish My Bones Rattled When I Moved, I Think That Would Be Very Fun And Sexy Of Me.

OH MY GOD??? BELOVED NIGHTMARES UPON ME??? I AM GOING TO USE THIS TO MAKE MY DND PLAYERS CRY???

This is the wrong season to be talking about it, but literally no adaptation of Christmas Carol will ever top this one stage adaptation I saw in 2018, and it’s 100% because of the first scene of the play

Almost every Christmas Carol starts with the same scene: Christmas Eve, the day before Scrooge is visited by the three ghosts. This is the same scene that the rest of the audience - including myself - is expecting to see

The house lights go out. The stage is dark

A boy is singing: “God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay…”

The sound of wind whistles through the dark of the theater.

“Remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas day, to save us all from Satan’s power…”

The boy pauses. The wind picks up. Somewhere in the audience, a child sounds upset

“…When we had gone astray. Oh tidings…”

The boy’s voice fades away. The wind howls

A church bell rings

The stage lights come on. Fog is floating across the stage. A deacon, two gentlemen, and Scrooge stand in the fog like islands in a sea

Between them is a coffin

The wind howls. It makes the word, “Ebenezer,” in a voice that shakes the floor

The deacon says: “Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God to take unto himself the soul of our departed Jacob Marley…”

“Ebenezer,” says the wind

Scrooge whips around at the sound. Fog coils around his feet

Nobody else on stage hears his name

“…We therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth-”

“Earth,” says the wind

“-ashes to ashes-”

“Ashes,” says the wind

“-and dust to dust”

“Dust” says the wind

“In the certain hope of eternal life through our Lord Christ; who shall change-”

“Change” says the wind

“-our vile body-”

“Change” says the wind

“-that it may be like unto His glorious body-”

“Change” says the wind

A church bell rings. Children are crying in the audience

One by one, the parishioners exit the stage. Scrooge is left alone with the coffin

He says a few words - laughs at his mishearing voices on the wind - and turns to leave

A church bell rings

Scrooge pauses - and turns to look at the coffin

Lights flash. The coffin lid slams open, and the ghost of Jacob Marley, horrible, pale, and screeching, leaps out of the coffin, hands reaching out to Scrooge and howling - 

“SAVE YOURSELF!”

Lights flash and the stage goes dark. Children are screaming. Parents are screaming. I’m screaming

The rest of the production was gorgeous, but I still maintain that the first scene was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen attached to any adaptation of Christmas Carol

*whips out a magicians cape* and for my next trick, I will commit FUCKING ARSON.

I was going to say something but i don't think anything can top that

list of sentences that convinced people to jump into an aqueduct

They're probably Frankensteining it in there or something idk not my business

lightening struck the capitol building on new years eve... not any kind of omen or anything

"Hold on, let me slither into something a little more comfortable." I say putting on a suit made of someone else's skin.

If you're reading this, you're on Tumblr!

Once in highschool I lent a girl two dollars.

Once, in highschool, I lent a girl two dollars and then she moved away.

Beyond Birthday's not even a fuckin' name. No I will not take criticism on this post.

No one likes my posts but I still think I am so funny

tooiebugs are out today! tooiebugs are here to play!