Well, Google, One Of Them Is A Giant Fuckin Red Dog

2 IV 2023

oh god the programming task for today was so annoying. I was supposed to process the MIT database with ECG records, and the annotation part of it was hell. after three hours I finally did it but the anger I felt at that time put me seconds away from throwing my laptop out of the window lmao

a recent success is that I calculated the rank of the module that I am working with, the problem is almost solved! when I told my advisor about it he looked so happy, he said that maybe he should start looking for another problem for me to ponder, it was so satisfying. I have a thing for mentors. at each point in my life for which I had a mentor who would teach me my special interest the progress I was making improved significantly and those were always the happiest times of my life. I am not sure if my advisor will stay with me to further show me a way into the research, but it certainly feels like a possibility

today I did some algebraic topology and differential geometry, I'm trying not to fall behind with the material even when I don't feel like studying

next week the easter starts, so I will probably have to visit my family. it's an interesting feeling to see my sister all grown up, there is still the image in my head of when she was barely a teenager and we didn't have much to talk about. now she is almost 18 and the significance of the age difference is nearly gone. when she start university it will be even less noticeable as she will understand what I mean by "fuck my life it's exam session season" lol

for about a week I've been trying to eat more healthy food, it's going fine so far. my biggest problem is that I'm eating way too much sugar but undereating in the general sense at the same time. I'm trying to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet, as well as different kinds of nuts. it's so important to be properly nourished for math and yet I neglect it so much

yesterday I had a conversation with my friend and he said that his vision for doing math is working on some huge open problem such as RH. obviously you do you, but this sounds like such a depressive idea to me lol. chances of solving something like this are almost non-existent, that's such a waste of time to work on something like this for 10, 20, 50 years and make no progress. I mean, it certainly would feel nice to prove or disprove something like RH, but I'm perfectly fine with reading papers and answering all the questions I can anwer, which might not be huge and famous but I'm pretty sure creating those small pieces of theory will be useful to somebody one day

the human experience is so crazy. at any time i want, for free, i can comprehend the beauty and the horror of my own fragile existence, the cosmic insigificance and personal significance of my experiences, the impossibly vast yet laughably tiny boundaries of my own consciousness, and feel sick to my stomach with anticipation for everything i have yet to understand and grief for everything i have yet to lose.

omg so that's why so many empty blogs follow me. I've been blocking them at first assuming that they were bots, but at some point the usernames started sounding way too normal-human-like, so I stopped, my instinct told me something else was going on. lemme just unblock all the empty blogs now, damn, I'm so sorry to everyone who wanted to follow me but was blocked out of habit!!

fun fact!! it turns out that now when u make a new blog, tumblr forces you to follow 3-4 people before you can change your icon or modify your blog in any way!! this, of course, means that, yes, some of the "potential bots" many of us have been automatically blocking could have possibly been genuine new users who were only just seconds in to having an account!!! tumblr is literally screwing new users over!!!!

when a pelican bites you there's no malice in their eyes. they aren't upset at you. they are just hungry and want to see if you fit in their mouths. and if you don't then it's no problem and everything is fine. and if you do then well i guess your fate is sealed but that's ok it's a beautiful animal

28 V 2022

topology and analysis tests are over, both went I think alright

if I don't get 100% from topo I'm going to be very frustrated, because I studied hard and acquired deep understanding of the material – so far as to be able to hold a lecture for my classmate about any topic

analysis ughhh if I get ≥40% I will be overjoyed. but that's just the specifics of this subject, you study super hard and seem to be entirely ready, you solve all of the problems in prep and then best you can do is 40%. my best score so far was 42%, so anything more than that will be my lifetime record lmao, I want this so bad. I solved two problems entirely I think, which should give 40% already, and some pieces from two more, chances are I get 50%, which would be absolutely amazing

here are some pictures from me transforming math into an art project

stokes theorem

topology

I was thinking about how annoying I find what people say to me when I tell them that I'm not happy with how I'm doing at math. their first idea is to tell me how great I am and how all I do is good enough and shit like that. it doesn't help, it just feels like I am not being taken seriously. when I barely pass anything, am I really supposed to believe that everything is actually good? it feels like they skip getting to know my situation and just tell me what they would tell anyone, automatic

when I try to calm myself down and think something that will keep me going I don't try to force myself to be happy, fuck that, not being content with one's achievements is very fine, I believe not being happy all the time is fully natural and all that positivity feels so fake

instead what seems to work is asking myself where the rational threshold of being ok with how I'm doing is. the thing is I will never be satisfied, whatever I have, I always want more. but I can set the limits in advance and that stops me from falling into self-loathing loops

although what has really changed the game for me was getting a few good grades, finally I am achieving something, anything. people tell me that I should learn to be alright without this external reliance on achievements but how am I supposed to do that when the source of my low moods is precisely getting less than I want? I don't understand why I should brainwash myself into thinking that this is actually not what I want. the trick here is to separate the goal-orientedness from the sense of self-worth. the groundbreaking realization of mine was figuring out that I believe I deserve more than I get, that's why I am unhappy. so now that I am getting what I think what I deserve I obviously feel much better

Inflating regular pentagon through underlying stars. The sequence of side lengths is essentially Fibonacci.

(I'm reblogging this for later to really look into all the amazing accounts I follow)

Let's get a new mathblr roll call going! There's an older version but it's got a decent number of inactive people on it so let's start fresh. Reblog and/or reply tagging yourself and any other good math accounts!

Math shitposters! Math academia aesthetic blogs! Math studyblrs! Unthemed blogs owned by people who happen to be math fans! CS, stats, physics and other math-adjacent dorks too if they like hanging out with the math crowd! I want them all!

Thank you, /r/ProgrammerHumor, I love you endlessly.

Redditors competing to make the worst volume sliders possible...

Me when I need to rotate 720 degrees to return to my original state