Uhh Probably The Worst Math Feeling Is When You're So Excited About Proving Something And You Talk About

omg so that's why so many empty blogs follow me. I've been blocking them at first assuming that they were bots, but at some point the usernames started sounding way too normal-human-like, so I stopped, my instinct told me something else was going on. lemme just unblock all the empty blogs now, damn, I'm so sorry to everyone who wanted to follow me but was blocked out of habit!!

fun fact!! it turns out that now when u make a new blog, tumblr forces you to follow 3-4 people before you can change your icon or modify your blog in any way!! this, of course, means that, yes, some of the "potential bots" many of us have been automatically blocking could have possibly been genuine new users who were only just seconds in to having an account!!! tumblr is literally screwing new users over!!!!

for the sake of an updates to this, I didn't get 100% on that topology test. I got 85%, which was the third best score. I finally scored the highest possible final grade on that subject, so I'm satisfied. fuck I love algebraic topology so much and I think she loves me

oh and I scored fucking 54% on the analysis test. I think I had a mental orgasm when I found out about that lmao it felt so good. I finished the course with a grade of 4 (idk if it's universal, so 2=the lowest, failed, 5=the highest) which is the best I ever got in the analysis course

28 V 2022

topology and analysis tests are over, both went I think alright

if I don't get 100% from topo I'm going to be very frustrated, because I studied hard and acquired deep understanding of the material – so far as to be able to hold a lecture for my classmate about any topic

analysis ughhh if I get ≥40% I will be overjoyed. but that's just the specifics of this subject, you study super hard and seem to be entirely ready, you solve all of the problems in prep and then best you can do is 40%. my best score so far was 42%, so anything more than that will be my lifetime record lmao, I want this so bad. I solved two problems entirely I think, which should give 40% already, and some pieces from two more, chances are I get 50%, which would be absolutely amazing

here are some pictures from me transforming math into an art project

stokes theorem

topology

I was thinking about how annoying I find what people say to me when I tell them that I'm not happy with how I'm doing at math. their first idea is to tell me how great I am and how all I do is good enough and shit like that. it doesn't help, it just feels like I am not being taken seriously. when I barely pass anything, am I really supposed to believe that everything is actually good? it feels like they skip getting to know my situation and just tell me what they would tell anyone, automatic

when I try to calm myself down and think something that will keep me going I don't try to force myself to be happy, fuck that, not being content with one's achievements is very fine, I believe not being happy all the time is fully natural and all that positivity feels so fake

instead what seems to work is asking myself where the rational threshold of being ok with how I'm doing is. the thing is I will never be satisfied, whatever I have, I always want more. but I can set the limits in advance and that stops me from falling into self-loathing loops

although what has really changed the game for me was getting a few good grades, finally I am achieving something, anything. people tell me that I should learn to be alright without this external reliance on achievements but how am I supposed to do that when the source of my low moods is precisely getting less than I want? I don't understand why I should brainwash myself into thinking that this is actually not what I want. the trick here is to separate the goal-orientedness from the sense of self-worth. the groundbreaking realization of mine was figuring out that I believe I deserve more than I get, that's why I am unhappy. so now that I am getting what I think what I deserve I obviously feel much better

Astronaut sculpture from an ex-physicist (Source/Credit)

god I hate when people do that. bonus points for "so the exam was super easy. what did you get?"

Hi ppl who are nosy and want to know ur grades so they can judge how smart u are are annoying as fuck

some more animation: how secant-teenager becomes tangent-adult

also! it illustrates a well-known inequality of a differentiable convex function and its tangents & the monotony of slopes

Me, playing poker: Man, I fold

The sphere sat across the table: yes?

Just in case some of you don't know about the websites where you can get your textbooks for free

I know we all have different skills and all and it's supposed to be complementary, but, people who can do math are so morbidly funny to me

I figure it must be like

Imagine being like only one of twelve people in your whole city who can read and write

And it's not just because everyone else is uneducated, most of them cannot even learn the sort of things you can learn. Or they could, in theory, but it frustrates them so much that they never make it past grade school reading tops, and they hate every second of it

And it's not a "luxury" skill, either, like your whole society needs the written word to function, and by extension, they need you. They need you for shit like reading labels and instruction manuals and writting 2 sentences letters, and they pay you handsomely for that, which is nice, but also feels absurd

You read a whole series of novels that rock your life and you can't even talk about it to your best friend because anything more complex than a picture book breaks their brain

omg that's the most beautiful thing I've seen today

Chapter 2 of commutative algebra!