Well, I’ve Got Great News!!!! I Don’t Have To Hate Me Anymore….. You Clearly Do It Enough For The

Finally taking the heads to the machine shop today, 2 weeks and the xterra will live again!

In other news, filed for my LLC and started the application process on a few small business grants. Already have the loan secured, but figured I might as well try to borrow as little as possible. Less than a year away from owning a couple properties, and getting to realize 3 of my life goals as long as everything goes to plan. Always knew I’d find a way to create stability for myself and make the world a better place at the same time. I can’t wait to see what the next year of my life will bring.

Well, the Xterra is finally running again, just some little things to fix. I found a place to move into so I’m no longer homeless, even got offered another place to stay on the same day. Picked up a second job doing farm work and construction. Things are going really well today, and some of my stress is finally starting to go away. Now just to figure out everything with the court and get that taken care of and life will be somewhat back to normal.

As of yesterday, I signed a 5 year lease on piece of property that I can develop as I see fit. Might not be exactly what I wanted but it’s a start and now there’s a bit of security in making improvements and putting my time and energy into making it somewhere I enjoy being.

Li Qingzhao, tr. by Jiaosheng Wang, from Complete Poems; "Tune: The Pertridge Sky,"

I’d love to hear your voice and see your smile again. You’ve been on my mind a lot these last couple weeks, I found a few of your old notes and doodles as I was sorting through my storage preparing for the move. Even with the time that has passed and everything that has happened, they brought a much needed smile to my face as everything else in my life has seemed to be in an uncontrollable downward spiral. Even if I don’t hear from you, thank you for those moments. They have helped me through some difficult and uncertain times. You are missed more than I know how to express. I hope you see this and this message finds you in good spirits and doing well.

“Move on,” you hear, but to what howling emptiness?

— Denise Riley, from "Little Eva," Say Something Back & Time Lived, Without Its Flow

I wish we would have treated both ourselves and each other better. I’m sorry I lost my mind, and any respect for myself. I’m still always here if you want to reach out. I still care and I still want to be in each other’s lives. I get it if that’s not possible when you’re in a relationship, and I’ll respect that. Hell, I don’t even know if you want me around at all. I just know I miss you so incredibly much.