God I Hate Myself For Not Having An Outlet Or Friends That Care Because I Fucked Shit Up. So I Go To
God I hate myself for not having an outlet or friends that care because I fucked shit up. So I go to the bar because I don’t want to be surrounded by fighting between my housemate and her bf, and I don’t want to go back to drugs. It’s sucks to be off drugs, and trying your hardest to actually grow the fuck up and take care of shit for once only to be seen as what you’ve been in the past. Recovery is one of the hardest fucking things I’ve done, but it’s the best decision I have ever made, and I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come.
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Li Qingzhao, tr. by Jiaosheng Wang, from Complete Poems; "Tune: The Pertridge Sky,"
Well, life took an interesting and unexpected turn, and I had to move out of the place I had quickly. Looks like I’ll be living the rv life for a couple weeks or until I find another place. The quiets not so bad and I guess it’s nice to have time completely to myself. It’s kind of peaceful only having work and myself to worry about. Still fighting with the xterra but I’m at least a few steps closer to having it on the road.
That was short lived, but went about as expected, but I had to at least try one last time. Goodbye Father, I wish you had the ability or want to understand just how deeply what you’ve done for my entire life has affected me, but I will no longer dwell in that place, nor will you have access to or claim to my life or success. I will not continue the cycle like you have chosen to. I know that you will never read this, so please don’t mistakenly think that this is for you, it is simply me marking the place where a stone has been laid as I carve out my path in this journey.
I’d still really like to come see you, I just have no idea when you work or if you still want me to wait til you’re ready like you asked. Hell at this point, you haven’t responded so I don’t know if you want me around at all or have even gotten my messages. Id really like another chance at even just being your friend, but I don’t want to ignore what you’ve asked and just push what I want. Just know I’m here and ready to put in the effort once you’re ready.
Having a cute sub to fuck my anger out on, manhandling them in every position possible and pounding into them until they're clawing at my skin and begging me to slow down, whispering in their ear to "fucking take it" with their legs shaking, cum dripping down their inner thighs.
Saying "must I put a leash on you?" when they keep wandering off in public just to watch them blush and immediately grab my hand to stay close.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
— Stephen R. Covey
