I Wish You Knew How Much I Had And Still Do Actually Love The Person You Are Underneath All This Pain

Mary Oliver

I thought you were the most amazing woman in the world, yet you went and proved that you wanted to be just like everyone else. Congrats, you’re nothing but a memory to me now.

That was short lived, but went about as expected, but I had to at least try one last time. Goodbye Father, I wish you had the ability or want to understand just how deeply what you’ve done for my entire life has affected me, but I will no longer dwell in that place, nor will you have access to or claim to my life or success. I will not continue the cycle like you have chosen to. I know that you will never read this, so please don’t mistakenly think that this is for you, it is simply me marking the place where a stone has been laid as I carve out my path in this journey.

I’ve now been single for 10 months, sober from alcohol (besides one night) for over a month, and back in the kitchen for over 2 months. There have been lots of ups and downs, a few really bad downs, and a few pretty good things happen. There’s still a few hurdles to get over but I’ve survived everything thus far, so I’m sure I’ll be just fine. I’m glad I’ve made it through and used it to rebuild myself and come out a stronger, more focused person who is more true to myself than ever. There’s always more work to be done, but like I said, I’ve survived everything else.

I wish we would have treated both ourselves and each other better. I’m sorry I lost my mind, and any respect for myself. I’m still always here if you want to reach out. I still care and I still want to be in each other’s lives. I get it if that’s not possible when you’re in a relationship, and I’ll respect that. Hell, I don’t even know if you want me around at all. I just know I miss you so incredibly much.

Time to reevaluate some priorities, NYC for school in the fall is starting to really look like it might come together. Just waiting on my acceptance letter 😁😁. It’s amazing how fast things change when you move past toxic actions and people.

Kindly reminding you to drink more water

🤝

forcing you to swallow my cum til the last drop