Odysseus And Diomedes Would Be Terrible Coworkers. The Office Mean Girls Who Hate Their Jobs, Are Overqualified,

And that's why we love her

The goons rating the bats and birds in Gotham.

Batman: 4/10 beats us up and leaves. He talks to us like he’s better but we don’t go flying around beating people up in a furry suit.

Robin: 5/10 talks like the 1800’s and has a sword.

Red Robin: 6/10 we like that he’s smart. Plus he got sued by the restaurant and broke Two Face out to represent him so that was iconic.

Spoiler: 4/10 terrible jokes.

Red Hood: 6/10 he shoots us but treats his employees well.

Nightwing: 2/10 terrible jokes and sometimes gets really angry.

Signal: 6/10 the only day bat and he’s pretty nice but absolutely terrifying when he does that power thing and it looks like he’s a shadow.

Batwoman: 2/10 is mean.

Batgirl: 5/10 was smart but not a great fighter so it was fun. Don’t know where she went but she’s back so yay kinda.

Black Bat: 7/10 is terrifying and doesn’t talk but is kinda gentle and is an angel when she does talk. Also she holds back a lot, we can see with her other fights. And we don’t see her a ton.

Huntress: 2/10 shoots us with arrows and is rude.

Babs has to leave the clocktower for a Birds of Prey emergency and Cass is the only one around so she has to man the comms because Steph is on a mission. Cass is like yeah sure this will be fine Steph and I work great together nowadays.

But it turns out she's the absolute worst kind of backseat driver. She leads Steph on routes that involve 20 foot wide jumps and boos when Steph says she can't make that leap without a grapple. Steph is fighting five assassins at once and Cass is in her ear like

Cass: He has a bad leg go for the leg. Go for the leg. Why aren't you going for the leg just break out of the hold.

Cass: Wait are you stuck. Why are you stuck just dislocate your wrist and you'll be out of that hold. Batgirl can you hear me just snap your wrist. One two three snap.

Cass: Why are you not snapping. Hitting him isn't working. You're not strong enough to break his hold.

Cass: Maybe I should just come and get you. You're not listening to my words. I'll just rescue you.

Cass: Was that fuck off directed at me or the assassins.

Cass: Good you broke his hold. Now go for the leg. THE LEG. WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY YOU CAN TAKE THEM.

Steph once Barbara gets back: Don't ever leave me again. If I ever hear her on your line again I will rip out my earpiece.

Cass once Barbara quizzes her about the incident: I gave super clear instructions. Maybe she was just sick today idk

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Clark (as a reporter): Mr. Wayne, have you ever thought of having more children?

Bruce: You mean, adopting?

Clark: Adopting. Abducting. However you got the last four.

Bruce: …

In my mind Oliver Queen and Bruce Wayne are best friends. They are uncles to each other’s kids and know the other’s secret identities. When the kids are mad at them they go to their uncle.

Bruce trained for 7 years, in my canon/fiction I made up Oliver has always known how to use a bow but was on the island for 7 years too. So he got all his experiences from both the tv show and comics Green Arrow Year One.

I think Bruce comes back year 4 of Oliver on the island and thinks he’s dead like everyone else but can’t focus on it. Oliver comes back and they reunite. He doesn’t kill because he stopped year 6, he realized the hood doesn’t separate man from monster.

And I personally think Oliver would be Cassandra’s favorite because she respects him. She respects Bruce too, but Oliver didn’t have a choice to train or not, it was train or by killed. He also was trained to kill and forced to use those skills but stopped because he knew it was wrong even though people told him it was okay. He could’ve come back and hated the world but instead protected it, not only fighting crime but also with his position in the community.

He learned to become a part of society again, how to become human. He doesn’t see himself as a hero but instead a hunter. I think she relates to that because she sees herself as a weapon at first but learns to become a human like he did.

She sees the pain in him body, he also can read body language so they have silent conversations, her family can a little bit but not like she and Oliver can. Bruce chose to train so he didn’t need to watch his back as much, he chose to get hurt and put his body through that. Oliver didn’t, he was trying to survive and in doing so he got caught up with dangerous things, to survive he learned how to speak many languages, including the body. So as Bruce and the family can do it fairly well, Oliver is better and can hold conversations with her.

I need more fics of them like this.

set sometime nebulously after infinite crisis

dick: i’m glad that jason’s getting better

cass: what?

dick: yeah, after that whole dunk in the lazarus pit thing, i’m glad the side effects are finally wearing off

cass: side effects?

dick: mhmm i think he called it lazarus pit madness or something? i’m not really sure, but it basically made him lose control over some of his actions and do some things he regrets now

cass:

cass: that’s the dumbest fucking thing over ever heard

dick: what?

cass: i’ve been in a lazarus pit, my mom put me in one after my half brother killed me and i never had any ‘madness’ because of it

dick: but… he said…

cass: jason has been lying straight to your face he wasn’t affected by some outside force he knew what he was doing the entire time

dick:

dick: i’m gonna unpack that later when i have time for my world to fall apart again, right now, i need you to go back a few chapters what do you mean your half brother killed you??? you have a half brother???

cass: and a half sister too

dick: …what…

The batkids love “Uncle Ollie” because he’s the cool uncle who comes over and randomly throws things at them to catch in increasingly tricky intervals.

They’re flipping backwards over furniture trying to catch random little darts constantly whenever Oliver’s there to talk to Bruce about JL stuff. They need to catch the thing, which drives Bruce quietly crazy even as he acknowledges it’s a useful test of reflexes.

Uncle Ollie sometimes gets bold enough to try and throw shit at Bruce. This isn’t a good idea for several reasons.

One of my favorite sub genres is Asian assassins with questionable morals

Warriors 

Cassandra Cain has to deserve an award or something because having four parental figures and being let down by all of them at some point or another has to be some kind of record