Diary Entry #7
Diary entry #7
My grandma isn't gonna teach me to drive anymore, because she says I'm not improving. Now I'm gonna have to pay for a driving class and I went down a horrible spiral where I was thinking about how worthless I am.
I'm on my period and it feels like the world is crumbling around me. If I don't get out of my household frankly I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do, so I have no choice but to pay a thousand bucks (literally) for driving school.
I screwed up and almost caused an accident, that's why she said I wasn't improving. She's been driving for 40 years, and I've only been driving for like a month or something. She says there's nothing she can teach me anymore. My brain was foggy because I'm on my period, I barely ate anything, and I was shaking from too much caffeine. I really didn't want to drive but I was an idiot and did it anyways. I fucking hate my life. It's times like this where I wish I wasn't autistic because everyone else in my life functions normally and I can't do anything right.
I have to get out of my house. There's no other option. If I can't do it, I don't think I can wait any longer than I already have. They aren't abusive, but they let me live in conditions where I'm not living as myself and it's killing me. I just need to be a man and I can't.
I can't live a second longer in this body that's not mine. I wish I had some resources to help me get out of here, but I'm mostly on my own. I'm not being abused, so I can't escape by calling services to my house, but I just can't live like this. Sorry this post was so depressing, it depresses me too!
The hate filled thoughts that flow while I'm looking at myself in the shower are killing me. I want to be rid of my female-gendered features, every last one of them.
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rejection sensitivity is so fucking lame. like boo hoo look at me i felt mildly ignored for 30 seconds and already started planning my own funeral liKE BITCH CHILL it was never that serious
Hey folks!! Guess what? I'm finally in the process of getting top surgery!! Yay!! Unfortunately this does come with a lot of out-of-pocket costs and things not covered by insurance, so I've started a gofundme! Don't feel pressured to donate, but if you'd like to I've linked it below! Many thanks!!
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If they talk about Trump in a positive light one more goddamn time I am going to kill myself :) /hj
They still think that I'm on the Trump Train (what my grandpa calls it,,, *vomits*)
[ID: a crudely drawn person giving a thumbs up while crying. The caption says "Me trying not to scream but instead half-heartedly agree when my grandparents say shitty things /END ID]
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Diary entry #23
Tw sui and general panic (?), transphobia
Oh shit oh fuck they've banned HRT for minors. I'm not a minor but the amount of damage they'll be able to do to minors scares the fuck out of me. If you are a minor who's trans and wants to take HRT, I am so so sorry.
I'm a diagnosed autistic adult, what if they take it away from me too??? I don't know how I could survive that. I don't think I could. If that comes on the news, they may as well be sharing the date that I'll die.
I hope it doesn't come to that. I fucking hate Trump and his goons so much.
I'm hoping I can do DIY HRT if it comes to that. If they ban it for autistic adults, it's not automatically a death sentence, but I can see the way that it could lead to my death and thousands of others.
I don't really want to think about it, but what choice do I have? This is my future!
If I didn't procrastinate my moving out so much, maybe I would've been okay.
I hope the ACLU or something saves us. I can only hope.
Canon
i think toby fox giggles and kicks his feet whenever he writes a new divorce into one of his games
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19 Trans FTM and pansexualSpecial Interests: Pizza Tower, FNAF, DHMIS, Vocaloid/UTAUloid/Maidloid, trans issues/rights, Mario, PvZ, Spooky Month, and many more!Hope you like my page lol
271 posts