Same Vibes

You know what else drives me crazy about The Naked Time? This exchange:

It isn't just because of Spock saying, "Jim, when I feel friendship for you, I am ashamed" or "Understand, Jim. I've spent a whole lifetime learning to hide my feelings." Although, that absolutely is part of it, the fact that Spock is locked into his regret over not telling his mother he loved her and his shame at realizing that, despite all his work to adhere to Vulcan principles, he still feels love. It's that gap between duty versus desire, between expectations versus wants, and what remains in spite of the pressure. (I realize his words parallel a love confession in any other context, between any heterosexual couple, and that fandom looks to his shame as a confirmation of internalized homophobia, but the biggest issue for Spock is that love, sorrow, shame--all powerful emotions--still exist for him. He is not a Vulcan if he feels these emotions and gives into them. He is only a half-Vulcan and half-Human, caught between worlds and the judgments and expectations of two very different societies.)

It's because Kirk changes his phrasing of "We've got to risk a full-power start!" to, "We've got to risk implosion!" Implosion, like many words, holds multiple meanings. The intended meaning is "a violent collapsing inwards," the opposite of explosion. But implosion can mean integration, a coming together towards a single center point. We've got to risk coming together. We've got to risk integration. And Spock responds, "It's never been done." They repeat these lines twice. Repetition is a device to call attention in writing. Why have Kirk say they have to risk a full-power start twice before only to change it to implosion and repeat it twice? The two phrases mean something different, but it's important enough to bear repeating. (One could argue it is sloppy writing, or perhaps a case of actors failing to remember their lines, but what are the odds it was either of those, especially with someone as thoughtful as Leonard Nimoy. Either a writer is a professional who understands the power of words, or everything is somehow coincidental, holds no actual meaning, and writers don't think carefully about word choice and meaning, especially in an era where nuance can make or break a story on the screen.)

In the 1960s, during the time of the Hays Code, of course, two men couldn't be together as a couple on TV or in film, not even in space, in a time set centuries beyond our present. But damn if the dialogue can not hint at it, dance around it in plain sight. Again, Kirk and Spock's relationship must exist in the margins, between the lines, encased in nuance and multiple meanings, because to use explicitly clear phrasing would mean it all gets cut.

Hence, this bit of dialogue. The slaps become Spock catching Kirk's hand and holding it steady--direct sustained contact, a coming together, implosion. Spock is torn between regret and shame and love, while Kirk shouts about the ship being destroyed and ending the lives of the crew, their shared duty to the ship. The dialogue is Spock's turmoil writ large--do what must be done, accept two separate halves becoming a whole (is it Spock's two halves or Kirk and Spock? I'll leave that up to you), or remain apart and give into despair. But Kirk tells him their only chance is to risk implosion, to come together, and they have to take that chance.

"Hold me like water. Or christ, hold me like a knife", he put it into words the need the human desperation to be held and chosen and wanted and just be in your lovers arms to be chosen either way to submit to them no matter how they want you, to choose it no matter what, as long as it's them, as long as they want you.

you dont know if you'll make it back.

still cannot believe Star Trek canonically made an episode where the plot was ‘Spock goes into heat and is going to die unless he has sex but then he rolls around on the ground with Kirk and pins him down and chokes him and after that he’s fine". 

Also this episode establishes that touching and sharing thoughts is so intimate that it is used to seal an arranged marriage pact…in the same episode where in an earlier scene Kirk just casually grabs Spock’s hand and Spock seems cool with it. 

Oh. And ALSO. After Spock has explained to Kirk that he is in heat and needs to have sex or die he’s all “Captain, there is a thing that happens to Vulcans at this time. Almost an insanity, which you would no doubt find distasteful.“ And Kirk’s response is to kind of raise an eyebrow and say “Will I?” in a way that suggests very much the opposite.

I just. This show was something else huh. No wonder it manifested modern fandom and fanfiction culture. 

trelane really said punish mr. spock rn and kirk said no, actually, mr. spock gets a gold star.

then trelane said but i don’t like him! and kirk said get off my ship.

I think the most endearing thing about Jean is that he just cares. So fucking much. Not to say that Neil doesn't but Neil had to learn to care and I think it's widely accepted that he cares about a select few people and cares about them fiercely; to the point of kill or be killed.

Jean though? He cares for almost everyone regardless of what they have done to him. He cared for Zane, the man who betrayed him in the most horrifying way for a number, for something Jean had no control over. He cared enough to save his life. He cared for Lucas who brought Jean's abuser right to his gate where he had believed himself to be safe. Not once did he lash out at him because he understood that his actions came from a desperation to know his brother again, the ache of having him near again but not having him at all. He cared for Cody, someone he doesn't even really know; cared enough to ensure they were safe and not being forced into something.

After being beaten down every day, holding on to life out of sheer desperation and perhaps a promise made to a once? friend, Jean still hasn't had his ability to care beaten out of him and it's such a beautiful miracle. He's a little like Andrew in this I think, in that he pretends so desperately to not care under the guise of barbed words and cold shoulders because that's a weakness, a chink in his already dented armour that the monsters can and will exploit with glee. He knows that yet he can't choke that tenderness out of himself.

just finished city on the edge of forever and i know we all talk about "by his side, as you always have been and always will be" yeah yeah yeah i too choked on raw yearning when she said that but

EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T SAY IT, HE DOES?

insane. it's about captain but also about love. this line is the original version of "officer when he's angry with you and detective when he's not" -- love, as loyalty or devotion or service or care or effort or any of the numerous behaviors we come to associate with spock, underlies every instance he ever calls him captain, and here, we see with edith that he even means it when he doesn't. "if I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity, I need not see it fall to know that it has in fact fallen" he need not even call him by name to know that everything he DOES is a revelation of care!!!!!!! calling him captain as a love confession, my god. who needs romance when we have duty.

I can't get over how beautiful the name "The City on the Edge of Forever" is.

I want it tattooed. I want it engraved in my soul. I want it to be a painting I can hang in my room and stare it all day long

Can I also say how touching it is that Stede said he believed Ed would he happier without him, who, even in his fantasies, could only picture Ed wanting him as a picture of masculinity with a beard and no hesitation to kill. Stede still, deep down, doesn't understand why Ed would ever want him as he is.

But who did Ed see coming down to rescue him? It wasn't a manly recreation of Stede with a beard, masculine style and a killing spirit, it was a merman. Someone bright, colourful, by all accounts a rather feminine perception of Stede.

That was who rescued Ed. It wasn't who Stede thought he needed to be, it was someone soft, and bright, and graceful, and expressive. Someone feminine, someone queer.

I just think that's beautiful.

I really want Jean to have a moment where he truly gets over his complicated feelings for Kevin. To accept that things were fucked because there was no other option. That Kevin still cares deeply for him even if he doesn't see Jean that way.

I also want Jean to text Kevin "Had sex with your crush. Die mad about it" and not elaborate.