"all These People Have Adhd All Of A Sudden" Honey The French Have Been Drinking Espresso After Dinner

They call it “boymoding”. Yeah all the girls are doing it. It’s when your nipples poke through your shirt no matter what you do

i sleep diagonally so i wake up to a dutch angle view of my ceiling symbolising my descent into madness

So lonely that it physically hurts: “Yeah! We should hang out more often 😊”

in wigan it's as good as gravy

*tugs you around by our red string of fate like you’re a dog on a leash*

*to ethics board* well im sorry you feel that way (lie detector attached to me starts blaring) but i thought my experiments were benefitting humanity (lie detector has started incorporating subtle amen breaks)

you knock on my door and hear loud barking and scrambling noises and me yelling "no!! down boy!! down!!!" and then when i open the door there is a single crab on the floor

sorry for calling you "the rasputin of the polycule"