On The Affini Compact

On the Affini Compact

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says this about the Affini Compact: "Good Luck."

That is not to say that should you cross paths with an affini you're going to die, or be maimed, or have your brain removed only to be placed in another head and shuffled around a planet in and out of other people's heads just to end up in a jar in some random bug's closet. That is the Mi'Go, and they're very sick of all intelligent brain havers assuming they do that to everyone they meet.

Rather, should you cross paths with an affini, your odds of escaping completely unchanged and undomesticated depend entirely on three key factors:

Are you cute?

Are you a present threat to yourself or those around you in any immediate way?

Is the affini single and/or looking?

If the answer to any of the above is a "yes", good luck, because your owner is about to take you home and put a cute little bow on your head. Originating from outside the known galaxy, these plantoid harbingers of head pats and drug fueled cuddles have made quite the name for themselves. They've deposed several independent and very successful planets for the sins of capitalism, and more than a few reputably disreputable hitchhikers have found their way into the loving embrace of an affini and a brand new implant on their spine.

Should you find the affini in your path, be they passing you on the street to your favorite shoe store, waiting outside your home for a wellness check, or be boarding your starship presently as you read this helpful guide, best of luck, try to not give them a reason to domesticate you, and we wish you well in your life devoid of the uniquely perilous joys of hitchhiking.

Good bye and good luck!

Diary of an Awkward trans-girl : Day 23 —What the hell is HDG?

Dear Diary,

Okay, so I have this ridiculously adorable trans friend— @sapphothecutewitch who is the kind of cute chaos that makes your gay little soul panic just a bit. She’s a total menace in the most affectionate, gremlin-coded way possible. She’s been trying to get me into this fandom called HDG. I still don’t even really know what it is—some kind of anime or visual novel or fever dream of queer feelings and unhinged energy? But every time she brings it up, it’s with that little sparkle in her eye like she knows something I don’t.

She swears I’d love it. Says it’s got “everything a soft little weirdo like you would love.” Which, rude… but also maybe true?

And the worst part is—I trust her taste. That’s the dangerous bit. Like, I know if I let her show me even one character or plotline, it’s over. I’ll spiral. I’ll fall. She’ll smirk. I’ll be in too deep and she’ll get to say “I told you so,” probably while teasing me with a knowing look.

As a trans girl who’s already got a tendency for obsessive little hyperfixations and emotionally intense friendships that maybe toe the line a little (okay, a lot)… this could be my downfall. And honestly? That’s starting to sound kind of appealing.

Maybe I want to be pulled into a new fandom by a girl who giggles a little too hard. Maybe I want to watch her ramble about her favorite characters while I try (and fail) to understand her. Maybe I want something silly and passionate and weird I can chat with to someone like me.