Yikes . At This Point Idek What She Wants Anymore - Blog Posts
maybe if this was another person , camille wouldn't be so persistent , but she doesn't think she could easily let darius go . sure , she's fully aware by now that she's the fucking problem , and it's times like this that reminds her she wouldn't always get what she wants , but that doesn't mean she'd just sit back and do nothing about it . not when darius is right here , and all she could think about is how she could possibly turn back time so they would still be together —— she knows it's a little too late for that right now , but still , camille likes to believe she would've done the right thing if she was given the chance . after all you never know what you got until it's gone , right ?
his answer isn't what she hopes for , and even when he's trying to be nice about it , camille thinks he's just fucking with her right now . “ so you don't believe it , ” she remarks , feels another tear fall down her cheek . camille knows she should just bite her tongue , should just suck it up for now and gives him more time to think , but she doesn't really has any patience for that . all that she's hearing now is that darius no longer wants to be friends with her , and as much as she deserves it , it makes her more upset than anything else . god , she could feel her whole body trembling at this moment . “ why though ? ” she repeats , hands curling into ball of fists on her side . did he know that she went back to julien while he was away ? then again , it's not like they're keeping it a secret this time , she wouldn't be surprised if he knew .
“ because i don't love him , that's why . ” she breathes , “ he means nothing to me , darius . he's just some guy i fuck around with , that's all . ” and it's the truth , but it's hard to believe her words when everyone knows she's been spotted around julien grimaldi often enough that it would be ridiculous to assume otherwise , even if most of the time it's just them arguing in the middle of the street . things have always been so complicated between them anyways . “ i just didn't know what to do when you left me , ” she knows she shouldn't go back to julien though , given their history , and yet that's what she fucking did . “ well , it's true that i did go back to him , but we're already broken up at the time , so it doesn't really matter now , does it ? and please , if you don't think we'd ever be friends anymore , just fucking say it . ” it's easier for me to let you go that way .
camille sure knows how to lean into the dramatics. maybe it wasn't always a conscious decision but she drags the hurt out in the exact way he dreaded when he recognized her. “ you're in no position to make any demands from me. ” it's not meant to be a challenge but maybe his tone makes it that way. it's not like he'd be any less callous. they way she handled them built up so much resentment in himself. he's not sure where to put that hurt down. people like camille don't change overnight. the year that he was away was not enough for anything grand to take place. he thinks that maybe it's a little bit of his own fault for playing into her behavior when they were together. he did what she wanted, found ways to do it before she even asked. from where he was standing, it was princess behavior. some people don't really grow up. though it's not like he was very grown himself. “ i want to believe that at some point we could be friends again but that's all i can say for now. ” that's the thing about knowing someone so well. he's sure he's had that thought a million times over tonight. he knew her too well and it was difficult to see them at odds. she really would stand outside all night for an answer from him (they're both so stubborn). he eyes her up and down with a look of pity. julien grimaldi didn't seem to cut it for her but that was never darius' problem. “ why though? where's your white boy? ”