Why Am I Awake - Blog Posts
I can't sleep
Even in the darkest hours
My eyes lie bright and open
Not to be faltered by dreariness.
I go three nights,
Wide awake,
And silent during the most boring nights
Of my whole life.
And once again,
I lie awake at 7:14am on Tumblr
Complaining about my inability
To rest my thoughts
Because maybe they're overcoming me
And maybe i'm so consumed
That they wont let me go.
My thoughts won't complete,
And I can hear them cycling
All at once in my head.
I just lay here,
And my thoughts have become
So unfathomable.
I can't hear the words of my own thoughts,
I can only feel the colors.
Pink pouring out of my ears,
Yellow from my eyes,
Red throughout my fingers as I type.
My eyelids, relentless.
I have no purpose in sleep.
~ceramic-feelings
So I JUST finished TDP season 6. . .
spoilers under cut, unorganized long-ass essay because it do be 4am and i have many thoughts and no one awake to listen to them. brief content warning about abuse but no details, just mentioned:
ok season 5 was better but this wasn't terrible. I still have no idea how they pull the Y7 rating with all the blood. I'm both appalled and impressed. And also some of that other stuff too. . . with like the wash-down with Claudia and Terry. . . damn idk that seems a little over Y7 to me but go off I guess.
TERRY YOU DESERVE BETTER. That whole thing just gives me flashbacks to my buddy's abusive relationship (minus voodoo) and I just want to scream at him to GTFO before it's too late. is this gonna be some reverse joker thing? idk. bad vibes.
Why they brought Viren back just to kill him was dumb but damn it was fun to see Claudia go so unhinged in ep 1.
who tf wrote the Rayllum part of this season because HOLY FANFICTION BATMAN THERE WAS ONLY ONE BLANKET. ALSO WAS THAT ONE END CREDITS SKETCH AT THE END OF EP 9 AGED RAYLLUM WITH A KID?!?!??! WAS THAT REAL?!?!? DAMN. WOW. (Edit: while that shot in particular upon looking at it again is maybe Rayla and her parents because the dude has pointed ears. . . but then if that's the case. . . why doesn't he have horns? that shot is super weird i wonder if the art dept. made a mistake and if not I have a thousand questions.)
Regarding that, does that mean final season time skip? Uncertain. Doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I hope not. timeskip for JUST the final season when the problems are here and now makes no sense at all. (Edit: again, clearly no skip if that''s the parents but also WHERE ARE THE HORNS. HOW COULD YOU FORGET THE HORNS YOU HAD ONE JOB GUYS I'M PRETTY SURE THERE ARE NO HORNS ON THAT GUY).
regarding rayllum tho, this season, it felt too much like fan service honestly? especially that dumbass ship monologue it was so dumbbbbbbbbbbbbbb i hated that. I DID like that Callum finally confronted the whole dark magic thing with Rayla. Interesting to see where he goes from here. Aaravos doesn't need him as a vessel with claudia around but he might still try to mess with him now that he's free. I did like the resolution and where it eventually ended up but that part of the build up was just KILLER (derogatory)
Props to Rayla and her 3 dads I love it, I thought that resolution made sense. Her parents had each other but Runaan can't move on without Ethari and I respect being that down bad for a man. Regarding the rep. . . who else is seeing something with Soren and Corvis? I think they could be on to something there. or not. I wouldn't mind either way, we need more caring friendships shown between men in media. the show has plenty of rep without it, so to me I think it works either way. tho I will say that's my opinion as a straight person so maybe others feel differently?
Janaya wedding was lit, but I have thoughts on Amaya: namely, why have we stopped showing so much of her ASL? I think it's dope?!?! bring it back please I want to see the signs AND hear Gren, not just Gren. Amaya's face is very important to expressing her character, ESPECIALLY being a Deaf woman communicating in ASL!! I would like to see it when she is communicating, it's a part of the language!! So the rainbow rep was great, the Deaf rep needs a liiiiiiiittle more revising. Not that I'm Deaf. I've just worked in/with the community before. Maybe the Deaf have a different opinion.
Aaravos and the unicorn being his kid was a twist. they got me and I'm IMPRESSED. also the thing with the diamond, now THAT was a good fake-out. wow. impressed over here. i knew it wasn't gonna be so easy for Rayla but also I didn't anticipate it going in that direction. props to them for that, though they did NOT get me with the prison swap. that was so telegraphed it might as well have had a sign saying SUSPICIOUS plastered over it.
big star man. big. was not expecting so large. wow. that's it that's the thought.
some of the line delivery was kinda bad, specifically that aaravos laughing. bro. who approved that goofy-ass depression laugh bc it clearly wasn't the same person who green-lit Claudia being so deranged. also idk why the animation felt so bad but wow i hated it this time around most of the time. backgrounds and lighting were excellent though.
The whole Sol Regam thing kicked ass tho he whooped him GOOD. I cannot take it fully seriously tho bc Aaravos's vessel is named Pharos, which I conveniently forgot and had to PAUSE THE SHOW bc there's a print software I work with at my job also called Pharos and I was laughing my ass off. that's not the showrunners' fault tho.
Ezran is good. even his rebuff of viren was good and in character for who he is I think. he's not about to execute him, but he isn't about to give him mercy or forgive him. I think that makes sense for a man in support of peace and love. letting him live in prison IS mercy in a way, but viren was a piece of crap to Ezran. he didn't have to be kind about showing his mercy. I think that's the right thing for him to do. I respect it. Overall I'm impressed about how true he remains to his ideals. Ezran for president.
the family talk was awesome. I loved that in ep 5. its hard to deal with family members who have supposedly "changed" after they've abused you. I felt Soren's pain fr. I did like that Viren finally did become a servant to Katolis one last time. . . ok maybe if they didn't do the death fakeout last season I would have been fine with him this season.
so, things I liked. things I didn't. I am curious how it will all resolve next year. (none of my edits reflect my ranking but damn. i can't believe they forgot the horns. damn. wow. they're not there right?!?! am I blind?!?!)
𝐗𝐢𝐚𝐨 - "𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭" ✦♥︎
xiao x reader
scenario: you comforting xiao :D
genre: angst to fluff
zhongli appears at the end hehe
genshin masterlist.
𝐀/𝐍: sso sorry if xiao is kinda out of character! :<
Xiao!" You yelled out as you walked out to the balcony, a container wrapped in a piece of white cloth in your hand. You inhaled the air as you walked towards the railings, admiring the view from Wangshu Inn as the wind rustled through your hair.
'If only I could live here...' You thought.
As you continued looking out the view, you heard familiar footsteps coming from behind you. You turned your head to face them, a smile forming on your face when you see who it is.
"Xiao, you came!" You shouted, running towards him and pulling him into a tight hug which made him stumble back slightly. The Adeptus just stood there awkwardly. A slight blush on his cheeks.
"O-Of course I did. You called my name, didn't you?" He muttered, slightly pushing you away from him.
"I said to call my name when you're in danger, but looking at your surroundings it seems that you aren't. I'll be taking my leave." Xiao continued, almost teleporting away. You pursed your lips and grabbed his wrist quickly, making him stop. He looks back to face you.
"What is it, mortal? You're wasting my time." He asks, making eye contact with you.
"I made you something!" You say, grinning. You handed him the clothed container that was in your hands.
"...What is this?" Xiao furrows his eyebrows, looking at the...thing you gave him.
"Open it!"
"Alright, alright--" He said, unwrapping the piece of cloth. When he saw what it was, his eyes widened slightly, his cheeks were painted a slight red.
"Almond tofu...?"
"Yeah! It's your favorite, right?" You smiled at him as you continued, "I made it!"
Xiao looked at the almond tofu, then at you. "...You don't have to busy yourself buying gifts for me."
"But I didn't buy it, I made it!"
"Yes, but--"
"Just eat the tofu!" You say impatiently, shoving the container to his chest. Xiao scoffs at you, holding the spoon that was inside the container and taking a bite of the almond tofu. He instantly scrunched his nose.
You giggled at him, leaning on the railings as the moonlight lit up the place, you looked at the stars while Xiao looked at you.
You looked so precious underneath the glimmering moon, and xiao loved it. The way you smile at him whenever you see him, the way you stop by just to see him, how you give him gifts every time. It just made Xiao fall deeper for you.
Was Xiao aware of these feelings? Of course not. He was confused why he was always soft every time you were around, why his cheeks a red hue. He was in denial at first when Zhongli said he was in love, but it became more apparent later on.
'Is this what love feels like?' Xiao questioned himself.
"--Xiao- Xiao!"
He snapped out of his thoughts when you shouted out his name.
"Hey, you ok?" A hint of worry in your voice. Xiao shakes his head.
"Don't worry, I'm alright." He answers and you frown at him. You shift closer to him, pressing the back of your hand on his forehead. Xiao flinched at the sudden contact.
"You're heating up."
"I said I'm fine." He grabbed your wrist, pulling it away. You shrug your shoulders. "If you say so."
The both of you stayed silent for a few minutes before Xiao opened his mouth to speak.
"Why...Do you spend time with me?"
"What do you mean?" You ask.
"You don't have to hang out with me," He mutters, "I'm a monster, i dont want to affect you, or worse, hurt you."
You felt guilty, you knew he suffered so much already. Your hand made your way to his hair, tucking back a strand behind hus ear.
"You're no monster to me, xiao." You whispered. "It wasn't your fault."
Xiao looked at you for a few seconds, still staying silent. But inside, he felt his heart beating faster. "Would you still like me," he pauses, "even if i have killed so many?"
You smile, "yes. I would still like you. Because i know you aren't like that anymore." You say, pulling his head to your shoulder.
"It wasn't your fault."
Oh well, i guess he can tell you the almond tofu tasted like shit next time.
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Extra!
Zhongli chuckles, sipping on the tea that Verr offered him, peaking behind the wall of Wangshuu Inn.
"Ah, young love. Reminds me of my old days."
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Originally posted here on my Wattpad :)